Filophobia (fear Of Falling In Love): What It Is, Causes And Common Symptoms
Philophobia It is another example of a very curious phenomenon: wherever the human imagination and our ability to think about complex concepts reach, a specific phobia based on abstract ideas can exist. We are capable of developing irrational fears of elements that are neither material nor have yet occurred: phobias can arise from the simple anticipation of an event that never has to happen to us.
And what is the fear that constitutes the driving force of Philophobia? Nothing more and nothing less than the fear of love something that can make us isolate ourselves and reject any possibility of meeting new people due to the terror produced by the possibility of establishing too strong an emotional bond.
There are many types of phobias that people can experience and many psychologists deal with patients who suffer from them on a daily basis. As we saw weeks ago, the chemistry of love alters hormonal and brain chemical levels and can produce nine surprising side effects.
One of the most curious phobias is the phobia of being in love, or Philophobia This anxiety problem can have an effect on the social and emotional life of the person who suffers from it. In severe cases, the philophobic may not only avoid potential loves, but may stop interacting with co-workers, neighbors, friends and family.
The act of falling in love can be one of the most incredible experiences that human beings can feel, but for a philophobe, it can become a situation that produces a terrible feeling of discomfort and high levels of emotional and physical stress.
Philophobia can be highly disabling, and in severe cases can lead to a situation of social isolation. This type of alteration is capable of generating a snowball effect that ends up generating emotional and relational problems.
Is it a psychological disorder?
Philophobia is not mentioned in the most widely used diagnostic manuals in clinical psychology and psychiatry, so there is no agreed upon and “official” definition of what it is as a problem linked to the management of anxiety and emotions. However, It can be included in specific phobias, which do appear with their own section in these books
Phobias are a type of anxiety disorder that can take on an almost infinite variety of forms, as many as phobic stimuli can produce anguish or fear in certain people. That is why in psychotherapy it is possible to treat patients with Philophobia even without having to use this word; Simply, the person is helped by adapting the psychological intervention to their case and assuming certain principles of mental health that are met in the case of phobias and similar problems.
This leads us to the fact that there are people who fear giving themselves, falling in love, or establishing strong personal relationships. They only live in relationships without commitment, they talk little about themselves, they avoid showing themselves as they are they put up an “insurmountable barrier” to avoid feeling vulnerable, they tend to establish simultaneous relationships out of the same fear they have of being abandoned, and their relationships are a roller coaster of emotions with constant ups and downs.
On a physical level, they present symptoms when they are in the presence of the person of the opposite sex to whom they feel physical and emotional attraction. Some of these symptoms would be: classic panic attacks, gastrointestinal disorders, irregular heartbeats, sweating, shortness of breath and a desire to leave the situation as soon as possible, as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling all these anxious symptoms.
In psychology and psychiatry there are different opinions regarding this disorder. But it seems that what triggers Philophobia is an intense feeling of failure in a past relationship that has not been overcome. This school of thought maintains that The patient who suffers from Philophobia has wounds from a divorce or a painful heartbreak process which makes you avoid any potential situation of being hurt again by a lover. Other professionals think that Philophobia is born from an intense fear of being rejected.
Neither of these two theories has been proven, so there is no definitive answer as to what causes certain people who experience traumatic relationships to hold on to the pain and not overcome them.
What can I do if I suffer from Philophobia?
If you are one of those people who suffer from fear of falling in love, you have to keep in mind that you are not alone, that there are many people to whom the same thing happens to you and that, if you follow a series of tips and guidelines, it is likely May you overcome Philophobia.
Below I offer you a total of four tips and strategies so that you can overcome this fear of entering into romantic relationships, although you must keep in mind that this problem can only subside if you do your part; Neither readings on the Internet nor the words of a psychotherapist will do magic. It is your responsibility to implement certain habits and strategies in your life to make Philophobia stop being a problem
In less severe cases of the disorder, simple exposure to fear is a good way to overcome it On many occasions we think too much about the negative consequences and then realize that it wasn’t that big of a deal.
In other cases, Philophobia is generated mainly by the fact of having had a bad experience in the very few attempts to have loving contact with someone, so exposing yourself more to love helps that terrifying mirage of emotional relationships to fade. .
What is clear is that running away or avoiding these situations will only cause this disorder to become more reaffirmed and stay alive. Therefore, we cannot refuse to live a love just because it makes us afraid.
2. Live in the present
To try to have some emotional control, you must live the relationship day by day, that is, Live the present . We must try to leave behind irrational thoughts created by past experiences and future expectations. Each situation and person is different from the others, which is why we must focus our attention on the present moment without seeing much further. In this way, we will control the anxiety associated with this phobia.
Mindfulness or full attention is a therapeutic procedure that seeks, above all, that emotional aspects and other non-verbal processes are accepted and lived in their own condition, without being avoided or trying to control them. These psychological techniques based on Eastern meditation will help you live day to day and improve your interpersonal relationships. If you have the opportunity to try it, don’t hesitate.
3. Express your fears
Communication is a key factor in any relationship and to be able to feel stronger when facing it. Must involve our partner or family in what happens to us Making another trusted person aware of our fears will help us better understand our reactions and therefore emotional tension will be reduced.
4. Give yourself the necessary time
These types of emotional blocks usually occur because we still have some painful episodes that cloud our mind. It is not a good idea for us to want to overcome our fears overnight. Emotional conflicts can take a few days, weeks and even months to heal. Forcing yourself to relate to others in an intimate way is not a good idea if you are still emotionally devastated.
Give yourself the time necessary to correctly focus your life, Don’t get overwhelmed by something that time, little by little, will solve But once the significant recovery that occurs in the first weeks has occurred, we must leave the comfort zone and admit that overcoming these irrational fears will require more than good intentions from us: it requires action.
Since Philophobia is an anxiety disorder caused by previous negative family or relational experiences, It is recommended to go to a health professional if it is not possible to overcome it alone Cognitive-behavioral therapy and affective desensitization have proven to be very effective in overcoming phobic disorders.
However, in the case of Philophobia, the psychotherapeutic intervention is more complex, because it is not so easy to expose oneself in a controlled manner to the possibility of falling in love; After all, what causes fear is not an animal or an object that is easy to identify and monitor. This means that the work carried out outside the psychology consultation and agreed upon with the therapist takes on special importance.
The fear of falling in love: an abstract fear
Our most irrational fears do not have to be linked to specific animals, objects or environments, but can arise from the possibility of feeling certain emotions. And how many emotions are there that are more intense than love? Something that makes Philophobia very problematic is the impossibility of “isolating” the source of fear, as could be done, for example, in the case of a phobia of spiders. In Philophobia, any situation that is felt to trigger the consolidation of emotional ties typical of falling in love is completely rejected in advance.
The latter is harmful in two ways. On the one hand, it makes falling in love impossible, a state of emotional activation that has moments associated with very intense happiness. People with Philophobia may feel that they reject falling in love and, at the same time, wishing that they could experience it without fear to be able to enjoy its good things On the other hand, this fear predisposes people to socially isolate themselves, something that can lead to the appearance of a feeling of loneliness and sadness and which, in addition, is correlated with the adoption of unhealthy lifestyle habits and a lower hope of life. life.
Thus, Philophobia can become a disabling problem for the person who suffers from it, as long as its intensity is very high. Knowing how to detect this problem and deciding to address it through psychotherapy is the first step to mitigate your symptoms and re-embrace a way of life capable of generating happiness.
