Thinking That You Are Not Up To Par: Causes, And How To Solve It
It has happened to all of us at some point: we demand ourselves or feel demanded, in a spiral of frustration that ends up making us feel discouraged We feel that we are not up to par, and that causes us discouragement and at the same time fear and insecurity.
Where do these sensations come from? What are they taking you to? And above all, how to solve it?
Demand or self-demand can be a positive feeling and state of mind, since it helps us grow and overcome challenges. However, in our current society and way of life (based on materialism and the cult of individualism) it has ended up being dysfunctional, since If we are not aware of our limits, that demand can become permanent dissatisfaction both with you and with others.
We are constantly told: you must improve yourself, you must be “the best”, you have a talent to exploit, in addition to constant exposure to comparisons and unrealistic models that frustrate us. Yes, people have talents and abilities, and these make us happy if we know how to harmonize them in our lives. The problem comes when this demand is not harmonious nor functional, because instead of making you happy it anchors you in dissatisfaction and makes you feel like you are running after a goal that always seems to go faster than you.
What does that demand lead you to? To devote yourself to work (which makes it very difficult to harmonize your work life with your personal or family life), dedicate too many hours to your projects, pay too much attention to others, try to meet other people’s expectations, or, in short, to live a life based on a demand that ends up only frustrating you.
What is demand or self-demand? It is a state of mind similar to that of frustration, where We want to achieve a result or experience that we are not achieving or experiencing at the moment
The thought of not measuring up
Having desires and wanting to grow is something in itself good. The problem is when that demand is not built based on one’s own desires but on expectations comparisons or fear of the evaluation that others give us (partner, family, or even within one’s own work).
This is one of the most common problems in consultation when experiencing a process of personal change: feeling that we are not up to the task, that we demand too much of ourselves, that our expectations are not met. The origin of this problem is the same: management of emotions, specifically in relation to fear and insecurity
As a psychologist and coach, in the last 10 years I have accompanied people in their change processes, and whatever the problem, the way in which we understand and manage our emotions was always a necessary key to work. In this video we can go much deeper into what demand means, what it leads you to, when it is dysfunctional (it does not help you grow but limits you) and how to overcome that problem. Hit play!
The lack of acceptance
Behind a functional self-demand there is above all a lack of acceptance towards our reality. We want more and more, and that implies that we are afraid and insecure about the future At the same time, we demand ourselves to meet our expectations or the expectations of others, but the expectations are always based on fear (if we want to achieve something specific and we build our expectations based on a rigid objective, it is because we are afraid of not achieving it or because we consider it essential).
In a process of change, above all, we learn that the objectives we have at the beginning are only the desires that lead us to change, but that the true objective and result is what you achieve when you live a process of stable, deep, personal change. that helps you for your whole life.
Pushing yourself is functional if it helps you grow based on your talents, within your limits, and especially if you focus on what really makes you happy. As long as that demand is based on fear or depends on external factors (how others value you, for example), it will be dysfunctional, since the outside world is a factor that you cannot control.
Learning to understand and manage your emotions involves living a process of change where you learn to have them for you instead of against you, and where your emotions help you grow and demand of yourself what you can really demand of yourself and makes you be at peace with yourself. .
If you want to experience that change, at empowermenthumano.com you have the option of scheduling a free first exploratory session (only if you have the desire and commitment to live your process) or take the first steps in the free Emociónate program. Above all, may your demands only lead you to grow, not limit you.
