Narcissistic people are known for the type of relationship they establish with their own self-image They consider that the aesthetics they transmit, that superficial part of themselves, is something that deserves all possible care so that it fits well with an idea of ”perfection” that they create to suit them.
That is why it is common to see that narcissistic people try to be the center of attention using the simplest excuses, and try to create a mythology of themselves that can be transmitted through their social circles.
But there is something else that characterizes the narcissist: tries to make other people feel bad about themselves and have doubts about their potential
The tendency of narcissistic people to belittle others in subtle or explicit ways It is strongly related to their way of being and their egocentrism ; It is not a coincidence that both characteristics occur at the same time.
But… what exactly makes these types of people throw themselves into reinforcing these types of toxic relationships? These are the main keys that explain it.
1. Cognitive dissonance
If something characterizes narcissistic people, it is that they not only believe that they are worth more than the rest, but they strive to make this belief supported by facts.
This means that, if he senses that an event can be interpreted as something that calls into question one’s superiority over others, the narcissist will create a new interpretation of what has happened or, one that allows you to continue to trust in the validity of your beliefs about your own perfection.
This phenomenon by which the clash between two mutually incompatible ideas produces discomfort and uncertainty is called cognitive dissonance, and we normally tend to solve this type of problem in the most botched way imaginable, whether we are narcissistic or not. This is the case of the latter; they will resolve this tension between ideas by acting as if, directly, this proof of the other’s value had not occurred.
For example, if someone has gotten a better grade than oneself on an exam, the narcissist may attribute this fact to beginner’s luck (no, he does not have to put much effort into constructing an alternative interpretation to the obvious one). Furthermore, he will not only believe in this “new truth”, but On many occasions he will transmit it to others The objective of this is to make this interpretation gain strength and be internalized by your social circle.
Somehow, a narcissist will force reality to fit personal beliefs that he uses to structure his own identity. And if that means humiliating others or minimizing the merits of others, he will do it.
2. Frustration due to the lack of special treatment
Narcissists believe they need special treatment just because they are them. When they see that others do not offer them the exclusive treatment that they theoretically deserve, It is very easy for them to blame others instead of reviewing their beliefs about his self-concept.
Specifically, treating others as if they were not worthy of your company in the face of evidence that they do not recognize your own genius is a recurring behavior of this type of people.
Being a narcissist implies having levels of empathy significantly below what would be expected in an average citizen. This means that, beyond the motivations that may lead to humiliating and undervaluing others, When this happens the narcissist has no reason to realize that he has made a mistake
Simply seeing how what you do and say hurts others is not enough reason to correct certain behaviors. That is to say, there will be no compensation mechanism in the moments in which others are hurt: remorse will tend not to appear or to be very weak, which allows one to continue trying to negatively influence others.
4. Undervaluing others is useful
There will always be a part of the population willing to believe the criticism and contemptuous comments that come out of the mouth of a narcissist. These suggestible people will act as if they are not really worth much, and will feed the narcissists’ ideas of grandiosity.
Somehow, without realizing it, they will allow themselves to be emotionally vampirized in exchange for the possibility of being close to or being able to learn from a narcissist. In reality, believing that one is worth little and that another has the keys to what true empathy is is something that allows a social magnet to exist in some contexts and with certain people. In fact, there are some studies that even show that narcissistic people are more attractive.
Creating a world tailored to your own ego
We have seen that narcissistic people actively construct versions of reality that allow them to continue believing that everything revolves around their ego. The collateral damage of this self-esteem conservation strategy will not be assessed because for this it would be necessary to have a capacity for empathy that narcissists simply do not have.
However, it must be kept in mind that sometimes narcissists make others feel bad not to make themselves feel better, but because from their point of view these forms of expression are not ways of judging, but rather descriptions. neutral from reality.
After all, spending the day constructing fanciful explanations for the apparent success of others in certain areas of their lives would be exhausting, and the narcissistic personality would not exist if at least part of this process were not automatic, unconscious, and most simple possible.
