On many occasions we tend to downplay issues related to the expression of emotions in children.
It is quite common to believe that everyday events or extraordinary events do not affect them and they do not realize when there are problems at home, at school, or when some of their classmates are not feeling well, but it is precisely at this stage of their lives when the care and management of emotions and feelings needs the most attention.
Childhood is the basis of how we will act as adults To better visualize this fact, we could imagine that our children are small adults and the role of us as parents, tutors, teachers or therapists is to provide them with tools that they will use throughout their growth.
To achieve this, I would like to explain some tips that can be applied both at home and at school, in the first step to achieve the regulation of emotions and feelings.
Emotion and feeling in childhood
To begin, I would like to mention the difference between two concepts, which can sometimes be somewhat confusing, and then delve a little deeper into the content and thus serve as an emotional guide for our children, students, family members, etc. Is about the distinction between feelings and emotions
Types of emotions
Emotions appear before conscious sensation; It is an organic reaction accompanied by physical changes. They are of innate origin and their response is accompanied or influenced by our experiences; they generally appear suddenly and are temporary.
It is considered that there are 6 basic categories of emotions.
Although the emotion of love is not considered among the first six basic emotions, it is important to remember the value it represents and how deep it can be, even in children.
Types of feelings
On the other hand, but closely related to emotions, are feelings These are the result or consequence of emotions.
They refer to an affective state of mind that is generally long-lasting, and tends to last longer over time compared to emotions. That is why when someone is in love with another person they could say “I feel like I have fallen in love with you” and not “my emotion is infatuation with you.”
Tips for managing emotions in children
Let’s now move on to applying this theoretical distinction in practice to help children regulate their emotions.
There are many elements involved in the development of the child. Each person’s cognitive maturation is unique; Their development or process will depend, among other things, on the environment provided at home, the relationship with their families, the relationship with their peers and the educational environment provided at school. However, generally around the age of 2, teaching the recognition of emotions in themselves could begin. This will greatly help them feel more control over their emotions, feelings, thoughts and reactions in adverse or day-to-day situations.
To recognize emotions we must first know them. We usually think that it is something obvious for little ones, but it is important to explain to them that there are different emotions and the difference with feelings. The greatest emphasis will be on the child to understand that an emotion of anger, for example, is temporary, and for parents the most important thing is to know that the presence of this emotion does not define their children.
How to apply this advice?
To achieve learning about emotions, feelings and their difference, we can use different tools; for example, we could use books. Nowadays you can find a wide variety of children’s books designed especially for teaching emotions. Some of the ones I would like to recommend are; “Sad monster, happy monster”, “Little Edu is not angry”, “Tough guys, they have feelings too”, “Coco and Tula: Feelings!”.
For slightly older children and teenagers, “Labyrinth of the Soul”, “The Diary of Emotions” and “Recipes for Rain and Sugar” are easy books to find and can even be purchased online. Reading helps the child visualize and internalize situations and understand how the characters reacted to different events, thus relating it to their life. For example, if some of the characters in the story are upset, the child will surely relate it to some current situation, “my friend is upset with me.” For reading to be more effective, it can be done together with them in a moment of intimacy and total attention to the activity. It is important to listen to the ideas that the child has to say about certain impressions and clarify doubts.
Another way to teach about emotions, both at home and at school, is dramatization After the parents or teachers have improvised a small play (it doesn’t have to be something so organized, in fact a little improvisation wouldn’t hurt) they can go together exploring and expressing different situations that require the expression of different emotions and feelings. , acting in front of a mirror could help visualize and internalize them.
Acceptance is a broad concept, and I would like to emphasize that this point is not about accepting bad behavior or a bad reaction to an emotion, but rather accepting that the child is feeling a certain emotion.
Some parents wonder why their child is sad, or the teacher wonders why that child is upset, for example. As parents we think that children have no responsibilities, they should not pay bills or give explanations to the bank. The teacher might consider that she has planned the most fun lesson of the month, but “that child” is still angry and that is where I would like the term to be used accept. We must accept that children get excited even if the emotion is sadness, anger, aversion, fear …as a society we have placed positive emotions on the podium, but the not so positive ones are also part of us and we must feel them.
3. Manifestation of emotions
I will not say that it is the most complex step, but it is the one that possibly requires the most effort, for both the adult and the child. The way we express our emotions is built and constituted by many elements. Generally, children imitate their parents or the people they behave with most of the time. If we as adults tend to hit things in a moment of anger, we cannot demand that the little ones in the house not do the same, since they will do it, in front of their parents or not. To teach our children how to express emotions we must be a model for them.
The way of expressing emotions is accompanied by coherent thoughts. These can trigger strong feelings of, for example, despair, which can lead us to do things we really don’t want to. That is, what we think drives us to act in one way or another. To help the thought not overwhelm you, it is important to agree on limits, in this way we help the thoughts not to overflow, so to speak.
As adults we must establish what is allowed and what is not: “If you are very upset, you can tear sheets or newspaper but you cannot hit your younger brother,” for example. Boundaries need to be discussed and agreed upon on both sides, both by children and parents, and it is important to remember that there is no negotiation or talking to him when he is in the middle of a tantrum.
The complexity of what we want to ask of our children is more than clear, but the most important thing is that they understand that an emotion is temporary. And we, as adults, must understand that this emotion does not define the little one, and more importantly, that We should avoid reinforcing certain types of behavior by labeling it with comments “this is bad behavior.” “every time we come here you cry” or “the same tantrum every morning.”
With the application of limits in the manifestation of emotions, the first change that may be reflected will be a less explosive response, but the final result will be achieved after much perseverance. But We must also take into account the age of the child we are trying to educate
In this regard, several elements must be remembered: up to two years of age, tantrums are very common, and transitions or changes from one activity to another also give rise to the start of a strong tantrum. Therefore, my greatest advice, regardless of the age of the child, is to anticipate them: “in five minutes we will go to the doctor” (although up to a certain age they are not clearly aware of time, you can mention time to them, they will understand that there will be a change soon). Constant communication will be the best ally for parents.
4. Express assertively
Assertive communication will be our maximum goal. Getting the little one to say what he feels and why will be the greatest achievement. To do this, we must provide him with the necessary confidence so that he can believe in himself, and thus he will be able to more easily identify his emotion.
Concluding
There are many worried parents attending medical and psychological appointments because of their children’s tantrums and that is the most recommended. But as parents we must stop for a moment, stop looking at our children and start observing them carefully. Emotional discomfort could be caused by elements that we ourselves could modify. For example food. Other reasons may be problems or difficulties related to sleep, which can range from a light that bothers bedtime or the lack of it, a very high or low temperature in the room, etc. The causes can be multiple.
In the event that various physical elements have been verified, we move on to consider the psychological elements and if the child continues with strong emotional responses (remember that “bad behaviors” are generally wake-up calls related to the fact that something is not right. ), then it is best to take him for a medical and psychological check-up.
