Psychological Consequences Of ‘being The Lover’ Of Someone Who Has A Partner
There is often talk about infidelities, love triangles and how this affects relationships, but a very important part of all this is often left aside: What about those people who are lovers? What makes them do it? What psychological consequences do these people have?
We have to keep in mind that relationships that harm us in the long term (also at the level of mental health), do not always interfere negatively with us in the beginning. On the contrary, many of them are very rewarding at first. We can see a lot of interest on the part of the other, a lot of gratification from the moments spent together and experience everything with more intensity due to all the uncertainty that the situation itself generates.
Because obviously, when a person gets involved with someone who has a partner, in the long term, they also suffer a lot and have great consequences, both psychologically and in their personal life.
Well, it’s not easy to establish patterns here. Each person can get entangled in that situation for different reasons, and there does not have to be something previously common in all of these people (although sometimes, by investigating that person’s history, we can find a tendency to get involved in situations that are not favorable to the establishment of a relationship itself). Even so, what is common in all of them will be the How does this situation affect them psychologically?
As I was saying, the background history of these people can in fact be very different, as can the beginning of the relationship and what makes people embark on it.
The beginnings of these relationships can be very different from each other as well. It is possible that the person does not know that the other person has a relationship, that is, the story begins about deception, but once the link is established, the person continues. However, it is also very common for someone who is going to become a lover to be aware of the other’s relationship situation.
What influences here then? Many more things: from the previous bond that these two people may have, as well as the personal circumstances of each one. We move closer and further away from others due to our own interests, motivations, shortcomings and needs and, if you are in that situation, it would be interesting analyze what has led you to be like this and what that person is or was contributing to you
Still, regardless of how the story began, we can see a series of common consequences in people who embark on these types of adventures.
What are the psychological consequences of being the lover?
Next, we are going to try to comment on some of the most characteristic of these situations after some time has passed since the establishment of this relationship, when the “good” part begins to run out and the moments of greatest discomfort increase.
1. They generate a lot of anxiety:
This type of relationship, due to the dynamics itself of how the relationship begins, makes it unbalanced from the first moment That is, one of the two members (the one who does not have a partner) has to be “adapting” to the other’s times, which at first may not matter too much, but if the bond is strengthened, in the medium and long term In the long term, this can be very tiring for those who do not have a partner.
In addition, “waiting” can cause them a lot of discomfort: there will be times when they will not call you or meet because they are with their official partner, which can hurt as if it were a rejection and give them the feeling of being on the margins of their life. . Having to adapt to the lives of others and this generates anxiety.
To have peace of mind in a relationship, we need the person to be accessible to us and this is precisely what many of these people do not have and cannot have, due to the type of relationship itself.
2. Let go of your life and isolation on an emotional level
As I was also commenting previously, the person has to adapt to the other person’s life. This makes them leave themselves in the background: They forget about their needs and their lives to stay “waiting” They are not going to make plans with people, they are not going to meet more people for them, and they cannot have a public life with the person they consider their relationship.
All of this can also cause them to become emotionally isolated. There has to be greater secrecy to protect themselves from the judgments around them, but at the same time, this distances them from others. Sharing the things that are important to us unites us with others.
3. Obsessive ruminations about the relationship appear
This also has a lot to do with the above: the person does not have as much ease in sharing things with others and also processing information. Take more perspective from others and not just your own.
Apart, complications arise in everyday life the intensity of the beginning is lost, and the person can see that the other is still involved in their relationship, which leads them to try to understand the other’s point of view and why they act the way they do, which ends up causing them to ruminate. constants about each other and what is going to happen in the future.
4. Loss of self-esteem and insecurities
The above, along with feeling on the margins of the other’s life, causes many insecurities to appear and there is a great loss of self-esteem as well. The person may feel insufficient for the other not deserving of the relationship and having insecurities about why the other does not leave their official relationship.
In short, everything that has been mentioned generates a lot of emotional discomfort and in the vast majority of cases, they need psychological help to cope with everything they feel and gain greater perspective on the situation, since it can be very difficult to manage these situations alone.
