Training Of Communication Skills In Couples Therapy
Communication within a couple involves more than the world made up of words. It covers a vast set of signs that represent things, ideas and feelings, which allows couples to exchange information with emotional displays such as kisses, the preparation of a special meal… Or, on the contrary, silence, and certain gestures. that only the other person is capable of understanding and interpreting as undeniable evidence of complicity, anger, affection, anxiety, etc.
When one or both people feel that communication between them is failing, they may make the decision to see a therapist. During a psychotherapeutic process, it is common for the therapist to propose carrying out at a certain time communication skills training for couples Although the way communication is approached will depend on the approach from which the therapist works, there is a certain correspondence in relation to the skills that psychotherapists work on within the office. In this article, we will develop what these skills are and what communication skills training in couples therapy consists of.
When we communicate with our partner, we are exchanging an endless number of symbolic elements. In this process, each of the people involved in the bond is expressing their thoughts and emotions more or less explicitly, either through verbalization or gestures. That exchange can be information about the world, but it can also be an appreciation about the other person or about themselves.
Regarding the latter, a theoretical concept that is usually used to refer to the availability of revealing information about oneself, with openness to feedback, support, acceptance and confirmation from the other, is self-disclosure.
To create a successful relationship, it is necessary to be aware of ourselves and the information we provide to the other person. Also It is necessary to recognize our subjective states and, at the same time, the behaviors we carry out in the world, since these have an impact on others This is essential to later be able to dialogue with the couple and be receptive to the feedback that it offers us. Furthermore, couples need to use communication to express two fundamental issues: knowledge—about the virtues and difficulties that the couple presents, but also about other areas of general interest—and, of course, affectivity.
Can we learn to communicate with our partner?
In the first instance, according to the therapist, it is common for couples’ psychotherapy to work on communication skills after a few sessions. Sometimes people have the mistaken belief that it is impossible or even absurd to learn to communicate with others. Many patients or consultants are resistant to working on communication within the couple; Surprisingly, even in those cases in which it is evident that interpersonal communication is deficient and that is what is causing a large part of the relationship conflicts. This is probably because people, having a repertoire of behaviors or ways through which we have communicated all our lives, we believe which is a skill that we master perfectly
However, although we may have few difficulties making ourselves understood, that does not mean that the way we communicate is effective. Communicating is not simply transmitting the net message, but also evaluating the as; consider how we want to express ourselves, what result we hope to obtain after an exchange, how we want our relationship with the other person to continue, etc.
For example, if we stop answering our partner’s messages when he or she says something that we don’t like, there is a good chance that he or she will understand that we have gotten angry. Yes, she understood us. Nevertheless, This way of expressing discontent only adds a certain amount of distance, conflict or hostility that may not be what we really want to convey Most likely, this way of communicating has been the one in our personal history that we found most useful to express what we wanted or needed, being reinforced over time. Maybe, in the present, we would really like to just be able to say that we are angry and nothing more.
In couples therapy, in addition to providing a space for dialogue between both people that could be non-existent outside of the session, sometimes the therapist proposes trials to put into practice new interpersonal skills that can give rise to a new, more useful way of communicating. and healthier for both. Let’s look at this next.
Communication skills are trained
There are various interpersonal skills that are trained in couples therapy. We talk about a training Since, just like going to the gym, to see results in the acquisition of new communication skills, sustained repetition over time is essential. To improve in any physical activity, it takes practice. At first, it may be uncomfortable to explicitly express to our partner that we love that he kisses us when he comes home from work and that we would like him to do it more often. Something simple in appearance can be very, very difficult in truth. However, to acquire new skills you need to practice them regularly. There will come a point where we will be able to implement them almost automatically consolidating a habit.
Also, to improve our communication skills we need to progressively increase the difficulty. Just as in the gym progressive overload is necessary to build more muscle – that is, to gradually increase the load with which we perform each exercise – something similar happens in training to acquire new interpersonal skills. It can be very difficult to assertively express our discontent to our partner when starting the psychotherapy process However, if we start from easier practices, we can little by little increase the difficulty of our behaviors until we reach the one that costs us so much.
What interpersonal skills are trained?
The communication skills that you work on with a couple will depend on the difficulties that each one has. These seek to promote effective communication, that is, that people can recognize their habitual behaviors in the way they relate, how these affect themselves and others, and that they can put that information at the service of expressing what they need. assertively. In general terms, these skills are usually the following:
