5 Common Mistakes That Impact People’s Psychological Well-being
Nobody likes to experience disappointment, suffering and difficulties; even less so when said discomfort comes exclusively from the interpretation we draw from the events we face on a daily basis. There are small habits that we fall into without realizing it and that, in practice, negatively affect our levels of well-being
¿What mistakes do we usually make when interpreting these types of situations? What makes us uncomfortable?
1. External attributions: Responsibility vs Victimism. Blame another person or thing for my misfortunes
One of the most controversial aspects in the development of people’s well-being and probably the first step that needs to be taken to achieve it consists of become aware of the role that each person plays in their suffering If I do not consider myself guilty of it, I usually experience relief from said guilt, which translates into a dangerous innocence. Dangerous because, if I am not able to understand my responsibility in the interpretations we make about our sufferings, I will continue to experience them, even if I attribute responsibility (not blame) to others.
When we assume responsibility, we understand that there may be a factor beyond our control that effectively contributes to our experience of discomfort; but we also understand that part of that experience involves how I face that situation, not just the situation itself. It is in that moment that I focus on what is up to me to change. When do I really start to get it? What does not depend on me does not deserve my attention, because no matter how much time I spend thinking about it, I will probably never be able to change it.
2. Attention management: “On time” awareness vs. “Off time” awareness.
According to English speakers, there is a way to call thoughts by classifying them into two categories.
When these refer to things that are not happening at that precise moment (painful memories, imaginations, anxieties or worries) they are related to “Off time” management of our attention. Everything that has already happened or is about to happen, that generates states of suffering and does not contribute anything else, are manifestations of a dysfunctional thinking style, in contrast to “on time” management, based on the present
These days there is great popular curiosity about practices such as meditation or modern mindfulness, which fundamentally promote the intentional use of attention, directed towards the present moment, or “On time” style of attention, which refers to allocate all our resources towards the present situation
When we immerse ourselves in a task, entertain ourselves or have fun doing something, there is no room to go back or travel towards some uncertain negative future.
3. Objectives based on self-demand: I have vs I want
Sometimes, the people who experience the greatest discomfort are people who consider themselves highly ambitious and who set goals based on the need to achieve the highest levels of performance, turning any type of error, no matter how small, into a kind of universal catastrophe. These people are considered highly demanding because they consider that this is the only possible way to achieve the highest goals and they frequently become frustrated and lose their personal confidence, due to their intolerance of error.
The big step on this path is to understand that there are other ways of walking. That not everything can be achieved and much less are you under the obligation to achieve anything.
When we base a goal on the obligation to achieve it, we lose the ability to enjoy the process and even its product or result, since we were obliged to achieve it and we felt the pressure to fail (“it’s what I had to do”). However, if we look at high excellence environments, such as the field of engineering, for example, objectives for continuous improvement or efficiency are set, which consist of adopting other types of approaches.
The point here is to improve, knowing that what we do today, good or bad, can be improved tomorrow. That A mistake is not a failure, but a learning and that good motivation management pushes us to pursue goals that we really want (based on what we want), instead of what we are obligated to (what we “have” to do).
4. Negative self-referential beliefs: I am what I believe vs I believe what I am
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in managing our emotional states of well-being is to think that we are a certain way, because when we claim to be that certain way, usually negative, we assume this as something personal and permanent (“I am So”).
If I am what I believe I am, and I believe I am something negative, I will be limiting myself, at least for as long as you maintain said negative self-referential belief. I prefer to think that our way of being has to do with our way of doing things and therefore, if I believe that I can do things differently, I will be in a position to be and feel different.
That way of doing things differently, It is a way of creating a sense of self, which obviously gives us back the ability to improve ourselves, to learn and to improve. If I am what I believe, I leave little room to create what I can be.
5. Poor attitudinal management: Pessimism and fear vs Optimism and motivation
Emotions are sometimes like the waves of the sea. If the sea is calm, my well-being increases, and vice versa. If the sea comes rough, my well-being fades. It is true, we cannot decide how these waves will come, but what we can do is learn to navigate against them.
Learning to navigate basically consists of taking out depending on what type of interpretations of the various situations that we will have to face at a certain moment in our lives.
The pessimist wants to see everything black where only a mole exists, while the the optimist knows how to broaden his perspective, finding readings that take on the difficulty and focusing on those interpretations of situations that contribute most to your experience of well-being. It does not necessarily mean that everything can be positive, but rather focusing on what is important. From this negative experience….what could I obtain or how could I assimilate it for my own development?
