Human beings are emotional beings and emotions give meaning to our lives In fact, emotions have an adaptive function that has been useful for survival.
However, not knowing how to manage them correctly can negatively influence our well-being, which is why it is important to know how to identify and regulate them, so that we can live in harmony with ourselves and with others.
In this sense, as important as attachment is detachment; that which allows us not to have to anchor our happiness to any element that does not depend on us (for example, the lives of those around us). Therefore, in this article We will review the laws of detachment and how they can be applied to life.
Emotions influence our thinking, our behavior and even our mental health, and that is why psychology has been interested in their study for decades. Nowadays, it is common to talk about emotional validation, emotional balance or emotional liberation.
This last term has to do with letting go of those negative emotions, connect with ourselves and empower ourselves in the face of life. This is what, in Freudian Psychoanalysis, was known as catharsis.
What is attachment?
Another concept that has interested many psychologists is attachment, that is, the emotional bond that we form with other people throughout our lives, first with our parents and then with friends, our partner and our children.
Attachment is, at first, the way we learn to bond emotionally with others, which in practice means that these people are our fathers or mothers. These reference figures are our mediators with the rest of the world, who allow us not only to survive in our childhood, but also to learn about the rest of the aspects of reality. And this learning also includes internalizing ideas about how interpersonal relationships work: what we can expect from others and how others react to what we do.
From this first learning that emerged from the interaction with our parents, we also learn to relate to other people. Hence, the attachment generated in the parent-child relationship is also projected in how we behave in front of our friends, colleagues, potential partners, etc.
There are different types of attachment, some healthy and others toxic.
Detachment and the “conceptual I”
Attachment in and of itself is not bad The ties with our family members allow us to grow and develop. But people have the incredible ability to not only get attached to people (some of them do not favor us), but we also do it with objects and, worse still, with our own narratives, what is known as the “conceptual self,” which It is a direct consequence of how we use language.
“I am like this, this has to be this way, etc.” are some examples of how what we say to ourselves has an evaluative and, therefore, emotional component. Attachment to our beliefs, our thoughts, our memories and, ultimately, our private events can cause us intense pain if we are not aware of it. Especially, when these memories are constantly popping into our heads uncontrollably.
But what can we do to avoid this? How can we be aware of and detach ourselves from these toxic emotions? Below you can find 5 laws of detachment that will help you free yourself emotionally:
1. Work on your “observer self”
It often happens that we get into a vicious cycle in which we say negative things to ourselves because we think our beliefs are correct. Actually, many of our beliefs or values have their origin in our culture
For example, you have to be handsome, rich or married to be happy. These thoughts actually make us really unhappy people. In fact, do you think that everyone who has money or is good-looking is happy? You just have to take a look around you to see that these types of statements are false.
That’s why, It is important to work on self-observation and detach yourself from the conceptualized self In other words, from attachment to our own narratives and our own thoughts. Seeing it from another perspective, without judging ourselves, and realizing that our thoughts and cognitions are pieces of language, words, images, etc., is the first step to achieving emotional liberation.
2. Live in the present
It is useless to think about the future to achieve emotional release. The observing self can make us aware of what is happening around us, but we must be present in body and soul in the here and now.
To detach ourselves from these emotions that can be toxic, we must connect with our present experience, our thoughts, our sensations…
The present takes us to a place that, sometimes, we will want to avoid But we will want to avoid it if we value ourselves negatively. To avoid this, you need to adopt a non-judgmental mindset.
For example, I may think that feeling anxious is bad, when in reality it is normal, it is something that all people can feel. The non-judgmental mentality does not make value judgments, it does not criticize, it simply observes and lets it pass.
4. Accept yourself
Therefore, the key is acceptance, accepting ourselves as we are and accepting what happens around us Accepting that what we often tell ourselves, which is not always positive, is part of life, it is normal.
Accept that we are not always going to have good and memorable moments. We have to learn to treat ourselves with affection and compassion, which is not always easy.
5 . Do Mindfulness
Mindfulness, also called full attention, brings together all the previous points. This practice, which is rather a philosophy of life, helps us become aware, observe ourselves, treat ourselves with affection, adopt a mentality free of prejudices and makes us be in the present moment
Definitely. Mindfulness provides us with a method that allows us to learn to manage emotions, impulses, attitudes and thoughts to be able to face the situations that life presents to us. By perfecting mindfulness, you can benefit in many ways.
