The biochemistry of love alters our behaviors and generates different sensations in us
That is why when we enter the experience of love and falling in love we can do “crazy things”, or act differently than we would without being in love. This chemistry, these sensations, last two to four years as long as the relationship is maintained.
The neurochemistry of love generates a clearly pleasant sensation ; The brain in love works in a different way, so that in this process we experience certain sensations of ecstasy that are very similar to the addict’s brain.
In fact, reward circuits are activated in much the same way as they do in the brain of a person with a diagnosable addiction. It is closely linked to these dependency processes in terms of the activation of nervous system substances such as serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine, among others.
Process phases
When we fall in love there are two main phases. The first phase lasts around three years; During these years the hormones we talked about are found to a greater extent in us.
After this stage comes a phase in which this hormonal concentration decreases, which is understood by many couples as synonymous with crisis. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and in fact, a love can come that is much more mature, more nutritious and in which it is more important to have a vital project together.
There are studies that indicate the importance of fluid exchange when falling in love. Especially the one that occurs when we kiss the other person, a moment in which we unconsciously we detect if you have the antibodies we need Partly due to this exchange of fluids and the influence of hormones, we fall in love in about five months on average.
After this we enter the stage of falling in love with the great hormonal concentration, and during these three years (approximately) It is much more difficult to break relationships because to do so you would have to fight against one’s own hormones.
Later, reason comes into play. In this phase we think if we like the other person, if they complement us, if we are happy together, etc. Let’s say that “passionate love” is necessary to reach the “companion love” that many of us think is “true love.”
The emotional bond
When we fall in love, a very strong bond is generated and, as we have mentioned, there is a certain component of “madness” because the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is the most rational part of the human being, lowers its level of influence so it is reasoned to a lesser extent.
Love can give us courage, due to this same “madness” or bravery by reasoning less and, in contrast, it can also lead us to feel that we are wasting our time if we are left alone with this feeling and the relationship is not viable.
Besides, passion is affected by hormones such as testosterone ; In addition to sexually, it can be important when it comes to getting excited and having more desire when undertaking projects by making us feel stronger.
And when problems arise…
At Mariva Psychologists we have seen that Most of the problems we encounter in therapy are related to love, which is indicative that it is one of the causes from which people suffer the most. Therefore, it is very important, despite its great relevance in the lives of human beings, to demystify it.
Love may not turn out well, but that does not have to mean so much suffering or that you have some kind of personal problem; The opposite may even happen, that you have decided to walk away from a relationship that was not working, which is a sign of reasoning.
When we are in love we release a lot of oxytocin, a hormone of love but also of forgiveness and justification. Therefore, anything the other person does that we might not like in others can make us fall in love even more if it is present in the person we fall in love with.
For example, if someone we like a lot is cold, we tend to think that he is interesting, if he is a liar, we tend to think that he is complex… It is something that must be taken into account by demystifying love, not idealizing the other.
Loving is truly beautiful and important, but we must be aware of this loss of reason and also limit the suffering that heartbreak can bring For all this, the figure of the psychologist is especially useful.
