Couple Breakups On Vacation: How To Manage Or Avoid Them?
A major change in routine, such as a vacation, a move, a change of job or city, can cause a real psychological and emotional wobble. In the case of couple breakups on vacation It is an experience that we have heard about for many years. Why are breakups on vacation so common? Is it something we can avoid or manage?
A relationship is always a difficult experience. It is a bond where we experience union, well-being, but our greatest difficulties also flow, such as insecurities, fears, self-esteem problems or frustration. In a couple, everything tends to be maximized, which is why these difficulties arise.
In this article we are going to delve into why couple breakups on vacation occur so frequently, but above all we are going to delve into why these difficulties arise in a psychological and emotional sense and how to resolve them through your own personal change and learning, since that this is what will help you solve what happens now and also in the future.
Everything we are going to see is based on direct experience accompanying people in their therapy and personal change processes. Let’s go for it.
Although we usually think that relationship problems are related to what happens within the couple, in reality The key is in how we understand and manage what we feel as a couple
A relationship is a bond where we cannot control what happens (since it is formed by two different people). Relationship difficulties are actually personal and are exposed as a couple. When the holidays arrive, it is such an important change in routine that there is a distance or, on the contrary, an exposure that increases the intensity of the usual difficulties.
When in a relationship we tend to lose our routines, priorities and decisions to adapt to the other, we end up feeling insecure and uncomfortable. It is common for us to dissolve in the experience in a relationship, but over time we need to build our own space and not lose our emotional independence.
This usually happens to us when we do not know how to manage certain fears and insecurities well, when we do not set limits or communicate in a sufficiently assertive way.
Affective dependence means that your well-being depends too much on what is happening outside or on how the other person behaves. When we share a lot of time with our partner and this problem exists, it ends up generating more discomfort, and over time, it seems that the end of the relationship is the only possible solution.
However, the key is to solve this problem in one. Emotional independence means that your well-being depends mainly on you and that your approach to a relationship is to share that well-being.
2. Emotion management (what we feel as a couple)
When we feel too much anger, frustration, insecurity or discouragement, the cause is not what happens, but the way we understand and manage those emotions. Feeling insecurity and uncertainty in the face of relationships and experiences that we do not control is normal. But managing it in a functional way helps us minimize the problem
On the contrary, when we have a previous difficulty managing our emotions, this whole problem becomes more intense in a relationship or a breakup.
3. Relationship Approach
If the focus of the relationship consists of seeking in the other the well-being that we lack, or trying to validate the affection that is felt, we end up living in a spiral of dependency, expectations and demands
It is important to discover what value you give to your relationship, what you are looking for from that experience and what the limits are (what is up to you and what is not).
4. Communication
At the same time, having difficulties expressing yourself assertively (saying what you want, what you don’t want, what you can or can’t) or communicating in a way that is too imperative or demanding causes problems in relationships, since it makes you depend more on external factors that are not you can control.
On vacation, after a break, or when relationship problems are experienced daily, these difficulties intensify and they become too unpleasant. Let’s see how we can solve them.
Work on your personal change to avoid or manage possible breakups
When I accompany a person as a psychologist and coach in a process of change, one of the most common reasons for needing help are relationship problems, breaks or breakups. Throughout this process we make discoveries, learn and apply changes that help you live with more well-being in a stable way. Sometimes in these processes we have to learn to manage a breakup, and other times, the breakup does not occur.
It is important to understand that a breakup is not a negative experience, but an unpleasant one, which also helps us learn and grow. The main objective should not be to work on the relationship, but to work and deepen oneself. This makes the experience better, whether a breakup occurs or not (this is something we cannot control, since it depends on another person).
These are some of the key learnings that we must do to face this essential learning.
1. Assertive approach (with limits)
A relationship, as well as any type of relationship, is lived positively when limits exist Boundaries involve acceptance, respect, honesty, and above all a focus on building your own well-being.
The couple is an experience to share well-being, not to demand it (if we do this, expectations arise that are not met, since they are based on fears and insecurities that are validated).
When we develop our acceptance, assertiveness, and your focus returns to what you can do to be well, everything begins to change. We achieve this by applying different, very specific actions, which in the case of each person can be totally different.
2. Revalue the relationship
A moment of crisis is always appropriate to take a break from what we feel and believe and revalue the relationship. What does this relationship mean to you? How are you approaching it? How could it be different?
Self-esteem is not high or low (I usually say that talking about high or low is a mistake that psychologists have made), but rather it works for you or not in relation to If your well-being depends mainly on you or if you are conditioned by more external factors that you cannot control
Building functional and stable self-esteem depends on us delving into how you build it now and applying concrete changes.
4. Understand what we feel
Finally, emotions are the greatest guide for our behavior, way of relating, decisions and interpretations about what happens. When we learn to manage them, they have the right and necessary degree, we can make more conscious decisions and from peace and trust
Keys for the change process to work
Every change and improvement is within us, but the company also gives us security and certainty. For a change or therapy process to work, even more so if it arises through a relationship problem, we need to have several guarantees
The first, and the one that seems most important to me, is to live a process with constant company and not just with occasional sessions. When you experience difficulties of this type, the problem occurs every day. For this reason, my way of accompanying you is daily, for any questions or needs you may have. This way, you will feel support every time you need it.
In addition, we will delve into all areas of your personality and we will have more tools and sessions so that your well-being depends on you and improves, not only your possible relationship, but above all your relationship with you.
If that’s what you want, remember to visit Human Empowerment to request a first session. In this session we get to know each other, we see what happens and how we can solve it.
