Any healthy relationship requires respect and personal independence for both members of the couple, but this does not happen if one of them is possessive. We define a possessive person as someone who understands the relationship from their own authority, with a sense of exclusive belonging. What at first could be considered a show of love gradually supposes a failure in the relationship that is difficult to overcome.
Therefore, it is necessary to differentiate between love and possessiveness. Love is characterized by a desire to share, by trust and for a space of freedom for each member, while in possessiveness distrust, selfishness and jealousy appear, one of the great threats in relationships, given that it is a self-destructive feeling related to distrust, insecurity, the fear.
Possessiveness and its impact on dating and marriage
At first, possessive people have a charm, they tend to be close and flattering people, but little by little they become demanding, dominant, distrustful, selfish with a great lack of empathy, jealous, self-centered, absorbing, with rigid thinking and little emotional intelligence. . They are governed by their own needs and exercise control to achieve the security they lack, always from an imposing position and are not aware of the toxicity they bring to the relationship.
The possessive person will always distrust his partner, asking him for explanations about what he does, where he goes and with whom, he will strengthen his position by weakening his partner’s, he will try to nullify his achievements, he will not hesitate to opt for manipulation or blackmail so that ends up doing his own will, and will blame the couple for any situation to reaffirm their dominant position The controlling attitude can reach progressively higher levels by intervening in her social networks, separating her from her friends and/or family, monitoring her mobile phone and a long etcetera. A relationship of this type can only lead to a feeling of unhappiness, anguish and frustration.
One of the causes that generates this behavior is found in the insecurity that the person has suffered in his early childhood, due to situations of abuse or abandonment by his family, which has caused him to develop a great need for acceptance and affection. His low self-esteem and emotional dependence make him hold his partner responsible for his happiness, so instead of loving freely he clings to the other and if he considers that he does not make him happy he can be dominated by anger causing painful episodes for both. parts.
Problematic relational dynamics
The partner of the possessive person does not feel free to express himself or act as he would like, he is under the constant control of the other, he fears his reactions, he feels that the relationship with him is toxic and unbalanced because he notices that he gives much more than he gives. receives, suffers from his selfishness, lack of empathy and the rejection he inflicts on him, and usually feels trapped in the relationship
These types of relationships are an obstacle to happiness and personal growth. To establish a healthy relationship, it is essential to be assertive, not be afraid to say no, and establish limits to mark our individuality and independence. People are not objects, but beings with freedom and dignity. The sense of ownership exercised by a jealous person should never be tolerated. Unlike attachment, which generates relationships of dependency and leads to control, love is selfless, free and stimulates the growth of the couple.
If you feel that you are in a vicious circle that is difficult for you to get out of, do not hesitate to go to a professional, who will help you activate your personal resources, identify destructive patterns, overcome emotional attachment, strengthen your self-esteem, develop assertiveness and have goals. own.
