Changes In A Couple When You Have Children (and How To Face Them)
When you return from the hospital with a small baby in your arms, it is difficult to understand the magnitude of the changes that are coming. First of all, we have to know the new member of the family, who enters our lives, with his own needs and demands. But also, We have to meet a new person, who is our partner, in a situation that can be truly stressful
Our life takes a 360 degree turn and there is a palpable change in family dynamics and the roles we take. We can see it from a negative point of view, in fact on some occasions this situation can cause the couple to separate, or try to focus on it as a moment of growth, not only for our children, but also as a couple.
These changes occur mostly in the first months of the baby’s life and in first-time parents Some factors such as sleep deprivation, which leads to extreme fatigue, hormones that change in both the new mother and the father, changes in the role of taking care of the house… These are elements that can produce imbalances in the couple, It requires good communication and an extra dose of understanding.
1. Deal with fears and hormones
It is important to know that with the arrival of a child into the home, the other person is suffering, just like oneself, from significant changes that They cause fear due to inexperience and the new dynamics that are being generated Generally we focus on taking care of our child and sometimes we forget to take care of our partner or ourselves.
Change is mutual and this idea is key to developing the empathy necessary to overcome this phase. In addition, there is a biological change, both in men and women, who suffer alterations in the brain produced by hormones, such as oxytocin, that must be regulated.
2. Deal with lack of sleep and stress
Sleepless nights take their toll on anyone, but especially when it comes to caring for a newborn, who requires an extra level of activation to effectively care for the baby. These moments, during the early morning hours, can bring to light tensions that accumulate throughout the day.
This is the main reason why communication with your partner is the main axis when it comes to raising children. Actively listening to the person next to us and transmitting our feelings in a slow and reflective way, are two good recommendations that can solve many conflicts. This communication can lead to better organization of shared parenting, including the home.
3. Sexuality and intimacy take a backseat
It is one of the complaints that most people have when they live with children. Sometimes, we forget to dedicate time to our partner, we focus so much on parenting that we forget the good morning kiss or “I love you” at night. Furthermore, due to the accumulated fatigue and stress generated by the arrival of children, sexual life takes a backseat.
Again, communication and understanding are key at this time. It is possible that one part of the couple feels a decrease in sexual desire for various reasons, such as breastfeeding or physiological changes in the woman due to pregnancy and childbirth. For this reason, it is necessary to talk to the other party and propose other forms of intimate contact such as kisses, hugs and caresses, words of support and gestures of affection.
Not necessarily. In this case, the important thing is to achieve a consensual distribution, it does not have to be equitable. Right after the postpartum period, the mother usually takes charge of breastfeeding and she must recover from childbirth, so the couple will have to take on a greater number of household chores. During this period, the couple may have a greater burden of household chores and After these initial moments the responsibility can be distributed
Another point to take into account is the involvement in parenting, in which both parents should be involved, again agreeing on the tasks according to the needs of each family, work, leisure time, etc.
What to do about this when having a baby?
In summary, the following tips will help you deal with the changes that occur in a couple with the arrival of children:
To have a healthy and balanced relationship when children arrive, we must make an effort that we may not have had to make before. This means being aware, not only of the little ones, but also of the person who accompanies us on a daily basis.
