What Really Is Jealousy And Why Does It Hurt So Much?
As you may have seen, one of the most heartbreaking, unpleasant and painful feelings that can be experienced when you have a partner is, without a doubt, jealousy. Jealousy is another great misunderstood part of our emotional spectrum
This incomprehension is what makes us turn that feeling every time it appears, due to the slightest circumstance, into something truly great.
Finding out where they come from will allow you to experience them in a much calmer way and with a perspective that is really useful for you.
Jealousy is an emotional reaction that appears when you perceive a threat towards something you consider your own
Therefore, a logical deduction, based on your rational perception, is: “I am feeling this unpleasant thing because my partner is acting in a way that undermines our relationship and I am feeling this jealousy of his actions. Before he acted like this I I didn’t feel them, therefore, my partner is guilty of what I feel.
This is a total base error! What I mean by this? Our senses and, in some ways, the reasoning by which another is guilty of what I feel, may have some logic based on what we perceive, but none if you have a little more understanding about how you function; We develop this in the complete series of 7 books Open your eyes.
The fact that your partner is responsible for the jealousy you feel is far from corresponding to reality
To begin with, guilt is only real in court. It is a human invention, like many others that, used in an unproductive way, create painful and confusing results. There is no guilt, there is responsibility.
Everything you do in your life bears your mark; Therefore, these actions always have consequences, and Being aware that you are responsible for them is essential for you to position yourself in a state of power and reality That is, if you have responsibility for what has happened and it has been as you expected it to be, fantastic! If not, great too, because you understand that you have the power to do and take different actions to have a different result.
The feeling of being a victim
It is very common on an emotional level and in relationships to blame and hold the partner responsible for the pain and feelings that one is experiencing. However, it doesn’t work like that.
The machine that generates your feelings… who is it inside? Your partner’s emotion generator, who is it inside?
When you catch this, You have no choice but to free yourself from the feeling of victimhood ; that weakness that you create for yourself by thinking that your partner is the one that makes you feel the way you feel. By walking this wonderful and liberating path, you naturally position yourself in a state of true power, tranquility and independence. You give value to the relationship you are creating, living it in a much more real and loving way.
Suddenly, a totally unconscious relationship based on the feeling of “I’m not responsible, make me happy” evolves to the level of “I am responsible for my happiness, you are responsible for yours”
The positioning of doing the necessary work together and sharing what each of us brings is a different approach, neither better nor worse, but it creates very different results. Understanding the origin of jealousy, most are surprised when they feel it.
I explain it to you very simply: jealousy originates in our earliest childhood, usually created with your siblings when you were unconsciously fighting for the love of your mom and dad. If you didn’t have them, perhaps that unconscious fight was sown at some point when you were also fighting with your father or your mother for the love of the other.
We are looking at it on a general level, but totally practical for you. An example that I like to use a lot to take this broader perspective is the following: Imagine that you squeeze an orange, what comes out of the orange? Juice, but juice of what? Orange, of course. This is how existence puts pressure on you. It is as if life metaphorically squeezes you in each more or less intense situation, and makes what is there come out of you. Therefore, If life presses and squeezes you, what comes out of you is what is inside
In this extremely simple analogy, you place yourself in a tremendously real and broad context: how the feelings and emotions that you experience every day work in the field of relationships and outside of it. More than 90% of the feelings and emotions you experience today have nothing to do with what you are experiencing now, they are neural associations that come from a long time ago.
If you are in a relationship and have felt jealousy, when you calm down you can ask yourself things like the following: How is it possible that I have felt all this pain because of a simple look, a message, a greeting to another person? On a superficial level, obviously, it doesn’t make any sense. On a deep level it is mathematical and is totally associated with an exact reality.
That is why you can observe the enormous intensity of jealousy. Because when you feel what comes out of you, that heartbreaking feeling is not felt for the other, it is not for their love or affection, it shows you the same feeling as when you were little and longed for the love of your parents. That is the reason why now You feel jealousy with such intensity, many times for apparently less logical reasons
Jealousy has nothing to do with your partner. It only reflects what is in you so that you can attend to it, experience it, and heal it to free yourself.
