Although it may surprise us, some relationships can become stressful in the long run and, despite that, do not lead to a situation in which someone decides to cut off and put an end to that bond. There are those who live together for years and, at the same time as they see how their mental health deteriorates due to the psychological wear and tear caused by their courtship or marriage, they remain blocked, without deciding to return to being single or to adopt truly effective measures to end it. with that harmful dynamic.
Love burnout is a phenomenon that affects many couples in which the fact of suffering from staying in that relationship is normalized. And, without adequate communication and emotional management skills, that initial infatuation can give way to a stagnation that generates discomfort, exhaustion and stress caused by constant conflicts and the feeling of loneliness.
Since it is important to know the characteristics and warning signs associated with love burnout, in this article we will see what it consists of, how to identify it, and what to do about it.
Relationships occupy a good part of the hours of the week of those who are in a marriage or in a courtship, and for this fact alone, everything that happens in this area of life has a great capacity to affect us psychologically, for the better. or for worse. But, in addition to this, we must not lose sight of the fact that it also influences us due to its importance in qualitative terms, and not only because of the amount of time we dedicate to it: life as a couple is connected to our self-esteem and sense of identity, to our future plans and values, to our priorities when deciding how we want to live, etc.
For all this, Knowing or not knowing how to emotionally manage this type of love bond is something that makes the difference and this becomes clear when we are faced with a case of love burnout, which, despite not being an “official” psychopathology described in diagnostic manuals at the moment, is something that is seen relatively frequently in therapy sessions. couple.
Love burnout syndrome, also called “love burnout,” is a set of forms of emotional discomfort that appears in relationships in crisis; It can be described as an anxious-depressive condition generated by months or even years of problems in managing coexistence in a marriage or courtship, which has led to a feeling of stagnation that generates stress and hopelessness about the future of that love bond. .
On the other hand, love burnout shares many of its characteristics with work burnout, an extreme situation in which the person is not able to cope with their professional obligations due to excessive work or an inability to manage. the time of their day and the emotions linked to communication dynamics and distractions. After all, a relationship can also be seen as a system of expectations and needs that must be met through involvement in various daily tasks: responsibilities for self-care, care for others, and care for the relationship itself and the communication within it. If these “three fronts” of work are left aside and the situation drags on for several months, this affectation tends to appear.
Love burnout is similar to the burned out worker syndrome or work burnout in the fact that a progressive and increasingly harmful burnout occurs in a context in which one or more people are expected to take care of various responsibilities but this does not happen, which which produces a feeling of “pending responsibilities and unaddressed problems” that accumulate and do not allow us to have a panoramic view of the problem due to the feeling of urgency. As a consequence, an ambivalent feeling appears: people feel that they should be investing their time and effort in solving those accumulated problems in relation to “what is owed” to that courtship or marriage, but the anxiety and stress that this produces makes them They prefer to remain in a passive state in which demotivation and disappointment predominate. It is assumed that this relationship is a source of discomfort that must be dealt with so as not to have to face major changes in the form of a breakup or breaking through that blockage by talking about what is happening and trying to find a solution to it.
Warning signs: How does love burnout affect us?
The main characteristic of love burnout is that both members of the couple have difficulties living together and constant problems that they are not able to fix, although Despite this conflictive atmosphere, they are unable to break off the romantic relationship
“Burned” couples remain united by several cohesive elements (love, passion, sex, etc.) but in their daily lives they live in constant situations of stress, conflicts, fights or negative emotions that generate great discomfort for both members of the couple. same.
Since no person is the same as another, couples who present a love burnout syndrome suffer some problems both physically and psychologically that have been studied in the field of psychology and that can be classified into certain categories that similarly affect everyone.
Here you can see a summary of the main effects that burnout syndrome has on couples and its main manifestations.
1. Constant discussions
Love burnout is based on a permanent spiral of conflicts and constant arguments within the couple, which end up undermining the mental health of both people and contribute to generating a climate of tension, resentment and increasingly heated discomfort.
The constant discrepancies in the couple, fights, conflicts and arguments occur alternately with periods of loving reconciliation a circular dynamic that ends up affecting the mental health of people involved in burnout.
These arguments originate from a lack of communication between the couple, as well as a lack of commitment, common dreams and aspirations, or skills to solve coexistence problems.
2. Affective dependence
The appearance of increasingly intense emotional states ends up causing the person or people in the relationship to develop an emotional dependence on their partner in which they need their affection, love and recognition daily and more and more.
Emotionally dependent people tend to develop their dependence in states of burnout since to repair the discomfort of frequent arguments they need constant affection from their partners and in increasingly higher doses.
3. Unattainable demands for affection
This increasingly high demand for affection is unacceptable for both members of the couple, which contributes to generating more and more discomfort and a more unpleasant, stressful and exhausting environment.
As with any dependency, the person addicted to affection needs increasingly higher doses of affection, attention and recognition, something that if they do not receive, their health deteriorates enormously.
4. Insecurity and feeling of loneliness
Insecurity and lack of belief in one’s own possibilities often end up causing the person to take excessive responsibility for the failures of the relationship.
This contributes to generating a situation of eroding love burnout within the couple. Likewise, also It is common in these types of cases for people to not trust their partners, to be jealous, or to consider that their partner only supports them when they want something in return
The constant search for love, affection, affection or attention contributes to the person feeling increasingly alone, considering that their partner does not love them or does not care for them properly.
Emotionally dependent people often end up feeling very alone, since there comes a point where they need the other person to levels that cannot be achieved in the current circumstances, and they can blame themselves and suffer a lot when they do not have access to them.
5. A feeling of exhaustion appears quickly after exchanging a few words
In this private context of discomfort and suffering, Both physical and intellectual exhaustion is another of the basic characteristics of love burnout
This exhaustion is generally caused by excessive effort for the couple to move forward and also by the constant arguments that occur within the couple.
In addition to that, states of stress and excessive discomfort also generate exhaustion that greatly affects people’s mental health.
6. Anxiety
Anxiety and stress are very common psychological disorders that people with a state of burnout can end up developing. The fact of constantly exposing oneself to high levels of stress and anguish, in addition, It can cause physical effects, especially in the digestive system (belly pains) and skin
Causes of this problem in love relationships
Generally, love burnout appears in the couple, in part, due to a lack of self-esteem and confidence in oneself, in one or both members of the couple. The belief that “you are not enough” to fully satisfy the other and to tackle this relationship crisis by providing a solution, it leads the person to adopt a passive-aggressive attitude and not confront the problem.
On the other hand, another of the common causes of love burnout is inexperience in managing communication dynamics: There are those who assume that the other person knows what we need from them and what needs to be done at all times, because they do not stop to think about what they know or do not know; as if the simple fact of living together and loving each other already means that those two people can read each other’s minds. Not noticing these communication blocks leads to misunderstandings and a feeling of stagnation and loneliness.
In addition to that, this situation can also be caused by a lack of commitment, an inability to resolve internal conflicts, or a different evolution of people, who end up finding themselves in different vital stages with values and priorities that are not very compatible.
What to do to solve it?
These are some tips to keep in mind to overcome a relationship crisis caused by love burnout:
Do you want to have psychological assistance for couples?
If you want to start a couples therapy process, contact me.
My name is Blanca Ruiz and I have more than a decade of experience helping people with emotional and communication problems.
