Communication is one of the most important aspects of relationships; However, many people neglect this aspect of their coexistence, assuming that the simple fact of maintaining a courtship or marriage between them is, in itself, a guarantee that the communicative dynamics flow well between the two.
But, in reality, not only is this not true, but also, with the passing of the years and daily life together, certain totally dysfunctional forms of communication can become entrenched that, out of pure habit, are not detected as a problem until They have not fully settled into the relationship. In the best of cases, people do not adopt problematic communication formulas, but neither do they learn to express themselves and make themselves understood better over time, and the quality of the communication they maintain between them stagnates, not allowing that emotional bond becomes deeper.
Therefore, in this article we will review several general tips on how to have quality communication as a couple
What to do to achieve quality communication in a marriage or courtship?
Many of the problems that couples have could be solved by simply improving the communication established between both members of the couple; This is a simple and complex process at the same time, since although in many cases it is the definitive key that allows you to solve several problems at the same time, it is not easy to put aside certain habits and routines and replace them with others.
Luckily, research has been emerging for years about which are the most useful emotional expression and self-regulation strategies to improve communication as a couple in the most efficient way possible. Let’s look at some of the most important ones.
1. Respect above all
Expressing yourself in a respectful manner towards the other person is essential for communication to be carried out satisfactorily; Without respect between both parties it will be difficult to reach an understanding or common point.
Talk to our partner without shouting and without disrespect It is the first step to achieving a fruitful conversation between adults. Likewise, it is equally important to pay attention at all times to what the other person says, without making fun at any time and without frivolizing or making inappropriate jokes in case the matter discussed is very serious.
When we have a respectful attitude towards the other person, respect is returned to us in the same way, thus achieving a sincere and kind interaction that is based on the willingness to reach agreements.
2. Focus on the issue
In any interaction with your partner, and especially in discussions, it is very important to focus at all times on the issue that needs to be specifically addressed in order to be able to resolve it as soon as possible. without letting the conversation lead to, for example, reproaches about past actions that have nothing to do with what is being talked about.
Endless discussions do not at all favor communication and coexistence between people who share an emotional bond and live together, which is why focusing on the issue that must be addressed will allow us to resolve each problem, conflict or setback that may arise in daily life. .
In order to focus on a certain issue, we must try to talk only about it without opening new conflict topics and it is also important not to reopen or comment on a topic when it has already been resolved.
3. Organize ideas
Organization is essential in any discourse, which is why it is so important that we are clear about what we want to express, what aspects we want to improve in the relationship or what behaviors we do not agree with.
Likewise, when there is a conflict or clash of ideas, We must analyze the origin of the conflict and to what degree we disagree with our partner Both the ideas and approaches, motivations or needs that clash between the two members of the couple must be analyzed and ordered from most to least important.
Knowing for sure why we disagree and what ideas we do agree on is the first step to reaching a common point between the two visions that make up the couple.
4. Be constructive
Positivity both in attitude and in the way we express ourselves is also essential to maintain a cordial, friendly and focused on solving problems
Positivity in language is achieved by avoiding extreme and radical terms such as “always” or “never” in phrases such as “you never do anything well”, “you always leave everything messy” or “everything I tell you doesn’t matter to you”.
On the contrary, positivity in the attitude we have towards our partner is achieved by being optimistic and confident that we will be able to reach an understanding, with motivation and desire at all times.
5. Be clear and specific
Being clear and concrete consists of saying everything we want to say in the most understandable way possible for the other person and focusing at all times on the essential core of what we want to express. ignoring any accessory or less important content
This means that we must openly say what we think at all times so that all matters are well understood and avoid conflicts in the future due to lack of understanding or misunderstanding.
In addition to clarifying all types of misunderstandings from the first moment, our speech must be adapted to the other person, so we must use simple words that can be understood by the other party.
6. Maintain a conversation respecting the times
Maintaining a rational order at all times means that we must respect the turn to speak of the other person for the duration of the conversation.
This will allow us to listen carefully to what the other has to say without both speeches overlapping and without interference and the speech reaches the ears of each interlocutor in its entirety.
7. Be empathetic
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes at all times as well as understanding what the other person feels, thinks, wants, suffers or needs.
To improve communication between a couple, it is essential to listen to them at all times, take into account everything they know or do not know, and clarify at all times all those matters that the other person does not know.
In this way we will adopt a positive position with which we demonstrate our desire for understanding between both parties.
8. Avoid competitions
In many couples there can sometimes be competitive relationships to see who is right at all times. This type of communication It can be negative and over time end up generating all kinds of friction, conflicts and toxicity
That is why, to achieve healthier communication based on respect and harmony, we must always avoid competing with the other person on any issue and give in between both to reach a point of common agreement.
9. Highlight the good
Another way to achieve positivity in language is found when highlighting the good in the other person, a strategy that greatly contributes to improving communication between couples.
Instead of always focusing on the bad, praising the good that the other person does will lay the foundation for positive communication and healthy coexistence.
10. Look for appropriate interaction contexts
Any conversation or discussion between couples must take place at the most appropriate time and place so that they can be resolved successfully and no environmental interruptions of any kind.
This means that, if we anticipate that a conversation is going to last several hours, we must plan it in advance and find the right time to have it. Likewise, if personal topics are going to be discussed, it is better to have the conversation in private and not in a public place with people around us.
11. Avoid arguing in a heated manner
Psychological professionals conclude that before having a heated discussion at its highest point of tension and altered emotional states, we should try to go for a walk or go somewhere else to calm down.
When the members of a couple are in altered states, it is possible that they say hurtful things to each other that one later regrets. That is why it is so important to keep the discussion in a relaxed and balanced emotional state
12. Avoid labeling and generalizing
As mentioned above, generalizations are negative and can cause a lot of pain in those who receive certain hurtful labels.
That is why we should avoid using phrases like “you are lazy because you never clean or tidy the house”, “you are ridiculous” or “you are a manipulator”, since they are very harsh and hurtful words, on the contrary we should focus more on Say what we don’t like about the person’s attitude, instead of defining it by their actions.
13. Listen actively
Active listening is a social skill that will help us improve communication with our partner and allow us to have much more meaningful and deep interactions.
Active listening means paying attention at all times to what the other person has to say and understand globally, not only what they are saying but also their intentions, motivations or desires.
14. Do not leave issues unresolved
Any couple that practices quality communication resolves all their problems immediately and does not leave issues hanging or unresolved.
That is why to have optimal communication we must always try to resolve immediately any problem, conflict or setback that may arise at any given time.
