Postromantic Stress Syndrome: What It Is And How It Affects Relationships
Post-romantic stress syndrome can arise when we realize that the experience of love has changed and that it is no longer as it was or as we imagined it would be.
It is important to be aware of the possible stress that the evolution of love can entail, in order to be able to work on it so that it does not cause a problem for the couple. The purpose will be to accept the change and be able to adapt to the new experience appropriately, enjoying it.
In this article we will talk about post-traumatic stress syndrome and we will see several tips on how to try to face and reduce the stress that the evolution of love entails.
Since we were little, they have shown us what love is like and what each person feels when they are in love. In Disney movies, without going any further, they tell us how society understands falling in love. But what they don’t tell us is that this initial, romantic and passionate love evolves by changing the type of relationship and the feeling we have towards each other. This new sensation, that of a decrease in the intensity of passion should not be evaluated as something bad since this decrease does not entail a reduction in the love we feel for the other person.
If we look at the name given to the syndrome, it is easy to deduce what it is. We see how it reminds us of the well-known post-traumatic stress disorder, a disorder that appears after living a traumatic experience. Well, postromantic stress refers to the feeling of stress after having experienced a romantic situation, when the romanticism ends In this case, what will generate discomfort is not the romantic experience, but the change that occurs, the evolution of love.
Realize that the experience of love is not what we expected and we have sensations that we did not count on, it generates discomfort in us and the appearance of emotions such as frustration, sadness, lack of hope, which impact, as expected, on the couple. Not knowing the evolution of love and the different types that exist, that is, the lack of information, can lead to problems for the couple.
Discomfort and confusion appear due to not understanding why the change has occurred and why we feel different things. We must keep in mind that there are different types of loves.
According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, one of the most renowned in the study of love, There are three components that give rise to different types of love: intimacy, refers to the feeling of attachment and closeness; Passion refers to an intense sexual desire and union with the other person; and commitment consists of the couple’s purpose of maintaining the bond.
In this way, depending on the combination of two of the previous components, it will generate different kinds of love. Romantic love would be made up of passion and intimacy, lasting approximately months or the first few years. Love develops and evolves, and can give rise to different combinations, and with them different sensations.
The type of love to achieve according to the author is consummate love which consists of the union of the three components, although Stenberg indicates that it is not difficult to achieve this type of love, but what is complicated is maintaining it, and it is likely to evolve again into another type of love.
The evolution time of love, going from one type of love to another, can be variable; Each couple can present it at a different time. Although there are periods or times that work as a reference, we can say that Romantic love usually lasts about 12 to 18 months, between a year and a year and a half This change or new sensations that we can feel have different explanations. On the one hand, as we already mentioned, the description that we are taught and communicated about love is not equivalent to reality, generating expectations that will not be met and can produce in us a feeling of discomfort and discontent.
On the other hand, Internal or biological factors of people also influence During the initial stage of love, of the relationship, the neurotransmitters and hormones in the brain are activated more than usual, generating in the subject a different sensation than usual.
These neurotransmitters are dopamine, related to the reinforcement and pleasure circuit, serotonin, which is known as the happiness hormone, and oxytocin, also called the love hormone. When the brain stabilizes again and these neurotransmitters are regulated, this initial feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” or of seeing the other person perfect, without defects, disappears.
How to deal with post-romantic stress syndrome
Given the discomfort and negative emotions that this syndrome can bring, we can carry out some behaviors or actions to try to prevent it from appearing or to deal with it when it does occur. In the end, as with any other alteration, It is essential to be aware of what we are feeling in order to be able to cope with it
1. Accept the change
As we have mentioned, the passage of time involves the evolution of love and with it change, since we cannot avoid this change, since it is part of the normal course. It is necessary to accept it in order to be able to work on the different sensations and reduce the discomfort that it entails. The intention is not to avoid change and remain eternally in romantic love, but to be able to adapt to the new type of love that we feel without it being a problem for us.
2. Focus on living in the present
It is common, and not only in the field of love, for people to sometimes live anchored in the past or remember past situations that we value as better times, we have idealized them. In order to be able to adapt and enjoy the present situation, it is essential that we focus on the “here and now”, what it means to live in the current moment without thinking about the past or the future.
Comparing the present situation with how we were before does not help us since the change that occurs is real and can generate discomfort in us for not feeling like before.
3. Look at the positive things
A change linked to the disappearance of romantic love is that we begin to see the other person really as they are, without idealizing them, focusing even more on their negative traits. For this reason, being aware of this fact, we must try not to get carried away by this change and try to give importance and Also highlight the positive traits of our partner It does not mean that we do not act if we see that we do not like something, but rather that we try to keep in mind both the bad, so we can talk about it and improve, and the good, which over time we tend to stop considering.
Communication is an essential tool not only in relationships but in any type of social relationship. If we do not express to the other person how we feel, possible events that have made us feel bad or aspects that we would like to change, it is very difficult for improvement to occur, ultimately leading to problems.
We cannot expect our partner to know what we think or how we feel Since it is very easy for confusion to occur, we must look for spaces for communication so that we can both express ourselves and thus be able to reach agreements and help each other, with the purpose of strengthening the couple.
5. Find other ways to activate passion
Passion, as we have said, is a characteristic state of romantic love, which usually tends to reduce over time. But This fact does not mean that we cannot feel passions again ; we may simply need to try new ways to get it. Referring to the previous point, it will be important that we communicate to know what could help us or what we would like to be able to rekindle or keep the “flame” of passion lit. There are multiple forms, each subject having different tastes, which at the same time can vary with the passing of the years or with the evolution of love.
6. Break with social beliefs
The image of love that society transmits to us refers to romantic love, implying that this must be the type of love that we always feel and that if it is not, something bad is happening. We must break with this idea, and be aware that love is not something stable, evolves over time, thus giving rise to different sensations. We cannot be guided by movie love stories because as we know, real life is different and many more factors influence it.
