My Boyfriend Looks at Other Women

Alicia is sitting on a stool at the airport with her boyfriend, waiting for gate information to be communicated. They are both talking excitedly, hoping to have a wonderful vacation together, when a woman walks next to them. Suddenly, she observes how her boyfriend turns his head quickly, looks at her up and down and remains for too long examining every part of her body. At that moment, a barrage of emotions invades Alicia: jealousy, anger, pain, insecurity. “Do you think she is more beautiful than me?” “Is she no longer attracted to me?” “Could it be that she doesn’t love me anymore?”

Does it sound familiar to you? This is a common problem in relationships. But is normal? Do you have the right to be angry about it? Should you just let it go? In this PsychologyFor article: My boyfriend looks at other women we will try to give you some answers.

What does it mean when a man looks at another woman having a girlfriend?

Ogas and Gaddam tell us that the greater sexual drive in men could be due to the fact that their sexual motivation pathways have more connections with the subcortical reward system (in charge of survival and basic processes) than in women. This means that sexual arousal in men would be related to more basic systems and less elaborate, in which the details and personal characteristics of their sexual interests would lose importance, to make way for visual images, which would play a central role. Thus, when a stimulus that is attractive to him appears in a man’s field of vision (in the case of heterosexual men, women with signs of health, fertility and youth), the parts of his brain related to erection would immediately activate.

In this way, realizing that another person is attractive, especially in the case of men, who are especially sensitive to visual images In principle, it would be within normality. The fact of noticing someone’s beauty would not unequivocally mean that your partner is not happy with you and that if he could he would run away with the first stranger that crosses his path. Sometimes, noticing the presence of an attractive person is nothing more than that: recognize and appreciate certain traits of beauty when we see them. However, if your boyfriend stares for an excessively long period of time at another person in your presence, gapes, or makes inappropriate comments, he would be raising a red flag that you should not ignore. In the following sections, we will tell you more about this.

Why do men look at other women when they are in love?

In the previous section, we learned that men are especially sensitive to visual stimuli. In this way, they may be attracted to women (in the case of heterosexual men, to whom this article is directed), on a strictly physical level. Therefore, sexual attraction and emotional connection would not necessarily go hand in hand. If you and your partner have a stable bond, in which your emotions and opinions are respected and valued, in principle, there is nothing to worry about. It is normal for men (and also women) to notice other people look and admire (briefly and respectfully) and even fantasize about others.

However, this does not mean a green light for any behavior: there are some limits that no man (or woman) should cross. It is one thing to notice the presence of an attractive person. It is quite another to show interest in her and/or active efforts to approach her. Blatant staring, attempts at flirting and flirting, inappropriate comments, touching – they are all alarm signs that may be offensive to you and, potentially, to the person to whom they are directed. The old patriarchal notions regarding men and relationships, which tell us that men “can’t control themselves” and that would justify previous behaviors, are not true. A mature man is able to control his behavior and not cross certain lines that hurt your partner. You can also decide to be in a relationship or not. If your partner behaves like this, there is a good chance that he is not mature enough to control himself, or that he potentially does not respect you enough (neither you nor women in general).

I can’t stand my boyfriend looking at other women

A couple of weeks ago, a couple came to consult with me. During the session, the woman was quiet, with her head down, in the shadow of a man who explained to me how she needed help to improve, according to him, her “unhealthy jealousy.” After hearing her version, I asked her to leave us alone so she could express herself as well.

“I know that my husband loves me as I love him. But When I see how he looks at other women in front of me, my blood boils If I say something, he complains and blames it on my insecurities. In the end I have no choice but to remain silent. Everyone tells me to let it be, that it’s a man’s thing. But I can’t accept that, or should he?”

At that moment, I explained to my patient the need not to ignore these types of situations. The real problem is not the fact that her partner looked at other women, but rather that he did so without any regard for the emotional toll it was causing on her.

My boyfriend looks at other women, what do I do?

1. Ask yourself. If something similar to what was explained is happening to you, the first thing you should consider is your partner’s consideration of your feelings. If there is respect in your relationship so that they are taken into account. A couple requires that both members be sensitive to each other’s emotional needs and establish some basic rules, in which the way each one behaves does not offend or anger the other. If your partner, as it is said colloquially, “ogles” other women in front of you, there could be a form of implicit contempt for you and the relationship. In the following article you will find what to do when there is a lack of respect in a couple.
2. Communicate If you find yourself in a similar situation, it is important that you let him know that his behavior is hurting you and ask him to behave in a more appropriate and respectful way towards you. It is time for you to have a calm conversation, in which you explain how you feel and what you expect from him, so that you are both happier in your relationship. In the following article you will find how to improve communication between couples.
3. Observe his response In these types of situations, a classic response is usually to attribute the discomfort caused to insecurity problems. In this way, far from empathizing with you and recognizing their misguided actions, they aggravate the damage caused by using your situation of vulnerability to try to emerge victorious.
4. Reflect A man or woman should aspire to make their partner feel valued in the relationship. It’s not worrying for a man in a committed relationship to notice another woman; He is when he does it blatantly and without showing consideration for the feelings of his partner. If he constantly downplays his performance and doesn’t give you the place you deserve, maybe you should rethink the basic rules of your relationship, and even reflect on whether it is a relationship in which the feelings of both are taken into account. You can take this test that will help you reflect on whether you are happy in your relationship.
5. Finally, never put the focus on the woman She has the right to exist, to be attractive, to dress and act however she wants. Remember that your relationship is two, and explanations and respect must come first from your partner, not from someone who doesn’t know you.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My boyfriend looks at other women we recommend that you enter our Couples Therapy category.

Bibliography

• Ogas, O., & Gaddam, S. (2011). A billion wicked thoughts: What the world’s largest experiment reveals about human desire. New York, NY, US: Dutton.