I Don’t Know If I Love My Partner: 5 Steps To Understand Your Feelings

If relationships are so exciting, it is, among other things, because experiencing them goes hand in hand with a whole series of intense feelings and emotions that are difficult to put into words. However, precisely this fact entails some drawbacks, such as the following: sometimes, we are not very clear about what exactly is happening in the relationship… or even in ourselves.

And there are many people who seek professional psychological help because they are not clear about how they feel in a dating relationship or even in a marriage… or even because they are afraid to face their emotions in this area of ​​their lives.

“I don’t know if I love my partner” is something that many of those who feel lost in their relationship point out and do not even have a clear idea about where to start self-examination, to delve deeper into their feelings. And that is why, in this article we will talk about some tips to keep in mind to organize ideas and connect more and better with what one feels about the other person

‘I don’t know if I love my partner’: tips to understand what you feel

Some people start relationships without even trying to do a minimum analysis of how they feel about the person they start dating, something that can be legitimate as long as the communication is clear and honest; Others do stop to examine themselves at first, but after a few months or years, with the maturation of that emotional bond, they move to a stage in which it is much more difficult for them to know what they feel for that person.

In both cases, it is possible to understand (even if only approximately) our emotions and feelings but to do this you have to dedicate a certain degree of time and effort.

Of course, sometimes psychotherapy is the only way to advance in this process of self-knowledge, while in others it may be enough to learn to manage the feelings and beliefs from which we interpret what happens in the relationship. In this article we will focus on this last possibility, but you should know that psychological therapy will always be there as the most effective way to gain knowledge and understanding about your emotional side, whether to know what you feel for another person or for any other related objective. with personal relationships and with your own “I”.

1. Ask yourself if you have fallen into deception or self-deception

Although it may seem paradoxical, your doubts may have arisen because, for the first time, you have begun to see things from a more objective and realistic perspective especially if you have suffered a stage of emotional manipulation by the other person or, what is usually more common, you started the relationship clinging to a very idealized image of the person you started dating.

In practically all relationships there is a certain idealization of the other in the first stage, that of falling in love, but in some cases it can become so extreme that it becomes a true self-deception. When this happens, once the illusion fades, a characteristic disorientation usually appears, because it is very difficult to accept that we are the same person who a few months ago had no doubt about what he or she felt for that boyfriend or girlfriend.

2. Ask yourself if the relationship is based on fear of rejection

It is not the same to be with someone because of how good it makes us feel, than because of how bad we think we would feel if he is not by our side If you think that what happens to you is the latter, it is likely that what unites you emotionally with the other person is not really a very intense love, but rather a strong self-esteem problem or even an anxiety disorder or linked to a trauma.

3. Ask yourself if the other person has changed a lot

It is normal to change over time; personality is not something perfectly stable and even when it is maintained more or less for years other psychological characteristics can vary, making us feel closer or further away from that person.

For example: your use of time to dedicate it to certain hobbies that you cannot participate in, your personal values, your ideology, your communication style with others, your attitude towards drugs, etc.

If this happens to you and you notice that the connection with your partner is not what it was, you must be clear that it is no one’s fault: everyone has the right to change, in the same way that you have the right not to feel the same. for someone.

4. Ask yourself if you have changed a lot

Maybe you have started to see life with different eyes, maybe you no longer value sexual compatibility so much, maybe you have stopped giving so much importance to the possibility of having a relationship based on romantic love… Many things can change within your belief system, of ideas from which to interpret what the world is like and who you are, or in your way of managing emotions. In any case, taking notes in an emotions diary can help you better understand your evolution.

5. Ask yourself if perhaps you love that person in a non-normative way

Love has many facets, and some of them go beyond what we usually understand as romantic love. And this also means that you may be worrying about how you feel about the other person just because you are comparing your feelings to a definition of love that is very limited. Ask yourself if what really makes you feel doubts that generate anxiety has to do with an essential characteristic of love: Should wanting to have sex with your partner be necessary? Want to be with her 24 hours a day? And many other preconceived ideas that you have been able to internalize without questioning them.

Are you considering attending psychotherapy?

If you are looking for professional psychological assistance services, contact us.

In Psychology For We have more than two decades of experience in the sector, and we serve patients of all ages. You can have our support for psychotherapy sessions focused on the individual patient or for couples therapy and family therapy. In addition, we can also intervene in the areas of sexology, speech therapy, coaching, psychiatry and neuropsychology. We help you both in person and through online therapy via video call.