Acceptance Of One’s Own Sexual Identity, In 5 Key Ideas
Sexual identity is a fundamental part of our self-concept, the set of all the things we believe about ourselves as individuals.
Unfortunately, there are two factors that cause us to suffer too much because of our relationship with sexual identity. On the one hand, the fact that sexuality is a taboo topic, something that people try not to talk about; and on the other hand, the long tradition of discrimination against uncommon or “atypical” sexualities that exists in most cultures.
All of this means that social pressure can lead to self-esteem problems, insecurities or even problems due to feelings of guilt regarding one’s own sexual identity, and this is something that psychologists see a lot when we work with clients or patients.
In this article we will see several key ideas about accepting sexual identity which is made up of the ideas that oneself has about one’s sexual orientation and the gender roles expressed in it.
The process of accepting sexual identity: 5 key ideas
If you think you may be experiencing problems accepting your sexual identity, consider the following:
1. Sexual orientation is not chosen
This is fundamental: sexual orientation, in the vast majority of cases, is not chosen. It is developed from many variables that affect us regardless of our will For this fact alone, feeling guilty for having a certain sexual identity does not make sense, and must be understood as the consequence of a problem in the interaction with the environment in which one lives (normally, the responsibility lies with the hate groups that are against sexual diversity).
Thus, the solution is to assume that the main problem is not in oneself, but in a society that discriminates, and that what one can do for oneself is to be aware of this and anticipate the blaming messages issued by the media, discriminatory groups, etc In this way, the discomfort is cushioned.
2. Reproduction does not govern life
One of the arguments most used by those who spread homophobic ideas is to point out that the only non-pathological sexuality is heterosexuality, because it fits with the designs of nature and allows reproduction through the union between man and woman.
Thus, homosexual people would have a problem to solve for not being able to have biological children with the people to whom they feel attracted, and something similar would happen with bisexual people and with asexual people and those who have very specific sexual tastes, for wasting opportunities and time in options that in theory do not allow the lineage to continue.
However, These ideas are not only very harmful socially and psychologically: they are also wrong The reason is that human happiness does not depend on the possibility of having biological children, on the one hand, and that there are no designs of nature, on the other. In fact, making everything we do only make sense in light of whether it allows us to have offspring produces unhappiness and frustration, and history shows that the evolution of species does not care at all if a large part of the population It has more or fewer children: species with a tendency to have many offspring can become extinct in a short time, and others with fewer children survive, depending on the context.
There are no tastes that are in themselves a reason for shame, as long as they do not harm anyone, Sometimes social conventions and overly rigid morality They can lead us to develop totally avoidable frustrations. It is essential to be able to express oneself freely about the aspects that make up sexual identity, even if it is overcoming shame.
4. Lack of tolerance is not the victim’s problem
Unfortunately, not all people live in contexts where it is possible to express any sexual identity. In fact, in a large number of countries, doing so can endanger one’s physical integrity and the exercise of basic rights, whether through laws or unwritten rules.
It is important to keep this in mind, but not let the fact that others criminalize us for our sexual identity make us think that we have done something wrong. The main problem is not in oneself, but in society and the cultural dynamics (or in the law) that it is still dragging. From there, if we have problems feeling coherently with this idea, we can work on those specific symptoms, but not stop being who we are.
5. It is possible to accept and love yourself
Finally, the most important thing regarding the acceptance of sexual orientation. Everyone can love and accept themselves for who they are, regardless of their tastes or preferences in the sexual or love sphere.
It is true that To achieve this, it is sometimes necessary to have the assistance of psychologists They offer professional help, but that does not mean that the patient is worth less or weaker. It is simply a reflection that sometimes to accept oneself requires a deep personal transformation, something that is very difficult alone and without having any reference for what to do.
If psychologists are helpful in these situations, it is because we have dedicated time and effort to training and addressing these types of problems with other patients before, we have that advantage. But this process only lasts a few months, and in any case, the protagonist of the self-acceptance process never stops being the one seeking help; neither during nor after the psychological intervention.
