Adapting To A New Way Of Parenting Adolescent Children
What happens in adolescence? Why does my child suddenly become someone I don’t know?
During adolescence, great physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, intellectual, social changes occur… Childhood is over, and when they stop being children, the little ones don’t know who they are ; They are forming their identity as people.
Between childhood and youth there is a need for that transition stage, which is adolescence. Due to all these changes that happen in it, it is a very complicated stage. But We cannot ask them not to grow, not to develop, as parents we have to prepare for this stage
Adolescence lasts between 5 years, 5 and a half years. Girls begin to experience changes earlier, between 6th grade and 1st ESO, while boys experience them in ESO. The highest peak of these changes occurs between 3rd and 4th grade of ESO (for both sexes), and they are the most complicated years.
In high school the situation tends to normalize and we begin to have young people instead of teenagers. Obviously, although the evolutionary process is the same for everyone, each person expresses it according to their personality.
All these changes create a lot of confusion for them; Their foundations move, and that makes them insecure, incoherent They say what they think, but not what they feel. They have many paradoxical, incoherent behaviors. For example: “don’t ask me” vs. “do not worry about me”. That is why it is sometimes so difficult to understand their behavior.
What can we do as parents?
We are their coaches for life and we have to guide them. We must educate them and love them. They have to feel loved; It is essential for the development of a minor But love is not enough, we must educate, we must set limits, rules, responsibilities, we are the authority. Limits give them security, even though they don’t like them, they need them.
It is important not to forget that we prepare them for life with the qualities they have, not with those we would like. We have to accept our children as they are.
In order to establish these limits we must communicate with them. On many occasions we do not communicate effectively, we ask for things aggressively and without reasons.
We believe that their problems are something very foreign to us and, above all, that they have no real importance But for them there is nothing more real than their problems. They manage them as best they can, and that does not mean we should judge, lecture or give a multitude of advice that not only has not been requested, but that often cannot be applied in the time in which they live.
What can we do to improve our relationships with them?
These are several tips to improve communication and relationships with teenagers:
1. Listen
When and how they want Take advantage of that moment where he wants to tell you something, then it will be too late and the time to talk will have passed. Don’t miss that opportunity.
2. Don’t judge
Not his friends, not his tastes, not his clothes. You already feel very insecure with many aspects of your life, it is not necessary for us to increase that insecurity. Judging will only distance us further from them.
3. Share your things with them
Talk to them about how you feel, how your day went They are still our children and although they are no longer boys or girls, and do not show much interest, it comforts them to know how we are.
4. Don’t solve his problems or organize his life
They need to know that they can always count on us but that does not mean that we do everything for them or that we do not let them think about what is the best solution to their problems, they must be autonomous.
5. Don’t make fun of their emotions or repress them
No matter how exaggerated a reaction or response to a problem may seem to you, do not minimize it. allow him to feel and express himself You must accompany, listen and show that you understand how they feel.
6. When we make mistakes it is important to apologize
We made many mistakes; That’s why it’s essential to apologize I haven’t done it well, I know it, I recognize it and I’m sorry. It is important that we remember that we are role models.
They are no longer children, but they need us to continue accompanying and guiding them We no longer go with them on the plane, but we are in the control tower for whatever they need.
8. Respect
It is essential to understand that they are not only our children, they are people with rights and feelings.
9. Tell him/her how proud you are of him/her
Knowing that the people who love you, your family, are proud of you, It is something that provides great security and improves our self-esteem Don’t be shy about making it clear how proud you feel.
10. Show your affection
He is still a very important person for you and even though he is going through a phase where his friends are his emotional reference, You are their father/mother and they need to feel loved and loved always
