Not having the necessary skills to correctly channel anger can make personal relationships very unstable and often become a source of discomfort. If we also focus specifically on relationships, the type of problems that can arise in them are even more intense.
Luckily, many times dating or marriage crises triggered by the ability to manage anger can be overcome through psychological support. In this article I will talk about it, that is, about Strategies used in couples therapy to address problems due to poor anger regulation
What relationship problems can poor anger management lead to?
Even in cases in which poor anger channeling does not result in direct physical or verbal attacks towards the other person (which would constitute abuse, especially serious in the context of relationships), Not knowing how to properly manage this emotion can damage both the relationship itself and the mental health of the individuals involved In this sense, the main sources of discomfort caused by the lack of ability to manage anger are the following:
What strategies are used in couples therapy to control anger?
In couples therapy, an intervention program adapted to each case is always applied and taking into account the characteristics of the patients, their interests and their role in the problem to be addressed. That is why an “instruction manual” that offers fixed solutions is never followed, but rather a diagnosis of the problem is first made and then tools adapted to the needs of each couple are offered.
In any case, in the following lines you will find a summary of the techniques and strategies frequently used in couples therapy when there are anger management and control problems. In any case, keep in mind that When explosions of anger occur in the context of abuse, these cases are not accepted by professionals who care for couples and it is necessary to take measures as soon as possible to break the relationship and ensure that the victim can be safe.
1. Development of the ability to identify emotions
Many times, the tendency to “explode” with anger in many contexts is due to the fact that the person tends to confuse this emotion with other emotions, feelings or even physiological states; This automatically makes him adopt a hostile attitude assuming that she feels this way because she is being the victim of injustice, because someone is humiliating her, etc.
For this reason, in couples therapy the Emotional Intelligence of patients is enhanced, helping them to correctly identify their emotional states, and to name them taking into account what is happening at that moment.
2. Development of assertiveness strategies
It is also very common for couple arguments to arise very often because one of the people, the one who does not regulate anger well, He does not know any strategy to express his discomfort in a constructive way or to defend his interests in case these have not been taken into account Reacting with anger and with direct exposure and without taking into account the secondary consequences of this is the most “crude” and “easiest” way to let others know that there is something we don’t like.
For this reason, in couples therapy people are trained in forms of assertive communication, so that they can communicate what does not seem right to them, also taking into account the point of view and interests of the other person, while at the same time They ensure that this does not create a hostile confrontation.
3. Use of relaxation techniques
When we accumulate too much stress inside us, we are more inclined to be irritable and have little patience in the face of unforeseen events or misunderstandings with others. For this reason, psychologists teach relaxation techniques to do a mental “reset” and reduce the activity levels of the nervous system, through resources such as meditation, controlled breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
4. Training in scheduled and turn-based communication
Another way to address relationship problems due to poor anger control is to train people in arguments management guidelines, making them internalize a structure and certain rhythms and turns when speaking, and establishing a context in which both people recognize the moments in which the other is using that technique and collaborate with it. In this way, very frustrating situations are avoided in which both want to speak at the same time and end up shouting and not listening to the other.
5. Establish healthy lifestyle habits
If the person who usually feels angry leads a healthy life (getting enough sleep, taking care of his or her hygiene, eating well, etc.), You will feel better in your daily life and your irritability levels will decrease as a result making it easier for you to be patient with or feel “overloaded” by several sources of discomfort at the same time.
6. Explore the cause of a reason for recurring arguments
Finally, you can also explore the possibility that in this relationship there is a problem that brings up discussions again and again and it makes one or both of the people predisposed to argue using all kinds of excuses.
Are you looking for psychological assistance for couples?
If you are interested in having couples therapy services, contact me.
My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia, I am a psychologist, and I serve both individuals and couples, working from the cognitive-behavioral intervention model. The sessions can be carried out both in person at my office in Madrid and online via video call.
