How To Overcome A Couple Crisis Due To Fertility Problems
The dream of many couples is to have children and, sadly, some of them cannot fulfill it. Infertility can affect the lives of these couples so much that receiving the diagnosis initiates true grief, a process as hard as the loss of a loved one.
Knowing that you cannot have children begins a crisis in the relationship. Both the man and the woman live it very hard, having to accept that the little person they had dreamed of would arrive, will probably never arrive.
Whether the possibility of having children is slim or impossible, there are several Strategies that we can use to overcome the couple crisis caused by fertility problems Below we will discover how to achieve it.
The keys to overcoming a couple crisis due to fertility problems
Having children is part of the life project of many people. In heterosexual relationships, the arrival of a child is expected to be relatively easy, simply by getting the woman pregnant. Some couples take longer, others less, but the majority of those who want to have children end up achieving it. It is a mere matter of time and insistence, at least, in most cases.
However, In the search to complete this project, some discover that something is not working as it should No matter how hard they try, there are no results. Worried, they go to a fertility doctor to have both the man and the woman tested to see if there is a problem. And, sadly, some discover that there really is: one of the two has fertility problems.
When a couple discovers that they cannot have children, it is a turning point for the relationship If your desire to have biological children was very strong, discovering that one of you has fertility problems can initiate a crisis that, poorly managed, threatens to end the relationship. Discovering that you cannot have children when you want can be a situation as traumatic as the death of a family member, a divorce or being diagnosed with a venereal disease, cancer or a mental disorder.
Many couples consider a breakup when they have to deal with feelings of guilt, helplessness, lack of control, low self-esteem and great emotional burden derived from discovering that there are fertility problems. Despite the stress that this situation produces, Coping with infertility the right way can strengthen your relationship and it will serve to adapt to the new reality and look for alternatives.
It is common that, after hearing the news, couples try to have children through other means. Especially if the fertility problem falls on the woman, attempts are made to undergo medical treatments, sexual relations, programs and surgical interventions. All this means a burden on your daily life that, poorly processed and managed, can seriously damage your physical and mental health in addition to their social world.
Just because there are fertility problems does not mean that you cannot have children or that you cannot have a fulfilling relationship. There are several strategies that can help us overcome a relationship crisis caused by fertility problems. Among them we highlight the following.
1. Accept the situation
As a highly stressful and potentially traumatic situation, discovering that you are not fertile or not at all can cause you to go into denial. The blow is hard and accepting the situation is complicated. But It is precisely that, accepting the situation, the first thing to do
2. Do not look for blame
One of the most common reactions, sadly, is that of guilt and blaming. In the case of guilt, whoever really has fertility problems, be it the man or the woman, feels that he is depriving the other person of having children. In other cases, the fertile member of the relationship may blame the other for not being able to bear children. Feelings of resentment and anger may be experienced between members of the couple
It is therefore very important that, once the diagnosis is known, avoid pointing out the other person as the cause, because the only thing this will achieve is worsen the situation and cause the relationship to be seriously harmed. Also, avoid blaming yourself. Of course, wanting to have children and not being able to have them due to fertility problems is a difficult task, but unfortunately nature sometimes works against our wishes.
3. Encourage communication
Communication between the two is essential, not only in this crisis caused by fertility problems, but in any other. It is essential to be able to move forward, and very important not to neglect individual and couple life
It often happens that many couples who discover that they have fertility problems isolate themselves from their friends and family who do not have this problem, as a way to protect themselves from feelings of anger or envy. They do not feel comfortable being in an environment in which they constantly think about how others can have what they want so much.
In these situations, it is very important to support each other, be honest when talking about fears and concerns about this problem and avoid creating a climate of tension. The more transparent you are about this problem, the easier it will be to overcome the crisis If one of the two isolates themselves or represses their feelings, either out of frustration with the other or to avoid hurting them, the deterioration of the relationship will be practically inevitable and the damage that will ultimately come will be even worse than expected.
One of the aspects that are most affected in couple crises due to fertility problems is, without a doubt, sexual relations. Both the quality and frequency of these can decrease, for various reasons: low sexual desire, ejaculation problems, general sexual dissatisfaction, not seeing the point if you cannot have children…
It is essential to maintain passion and be spontaneous, not to schedule sexual relations thinking about when is the best time of the woman’s menstrual cycle or the time of highest quality of the man’s semen. Sex, more than thinking about it as a means to have children, It should be seen as a healthy action to enjoy a moment of extreme intimacy with your partner
5. Go to a professional
Whether the fertility problems are temporary or apparently chronic, it is essential to go to a professional specialized in this issue. A psychologist with experience in fertility problems will help the couple better manage the crisis, learning to manage the emotions that this difficult process undoubtedly arouses and to accept, whether they can have children or definitely not, that A full life as a couple does not necessarily imply having children
With psychological help, the couple will be taught to normalize their feelings about infertility, openly express their emotions in order to achieve balance in the relationship, helping them to find solutions and alternatives to, if this is the case, the possibility of a future without children.
