How Does Couples Therapy Work For Communication Problems?

Good communication between couples can be a truly therapeutic element in itself. Achieving this communication depends on multiple factors, aspects that can be cultivated day by day during the couple’s coexistence and on which couples therapy is based.

The best way to avoid conflicts in relationships, or for them to get worse, is to have communication based on trust, sincerity and mutual respect, aspects that, along with others, are enhanced in clinics and healthcare offices. psychology through couples therapy techniques for communication problems Let’s look at them further.

These are the couples therapy techniques applied to communication problems

The idea that couple communication involves talking things over and telling everything to the other is deeply rooted. This is partly true, but there are many more variables to take into account. It is not only what is said that matters, but also how it is said and how it is heard.

Communication is not only words, but also gestures, tones, body language, emotionality. There are many aspects that define communication and it can be both a strong and weak point of the relationship.

Each couple is unique. No two couples are the same, but the keys to good communication and resolution of associated problems are constant: being direct, open and honest when it comes to our feelings and how we feel about the direction the relationship has taken. Not saying what we feel, keeping our discomfort and disagreement towards things that our partner says or does, the only thing that will generate is confusion and resentment. This is why it is so important to take care of communication in a relationship.

In couples therapy we try to promote the following relationship strategies which can be used as effective techniques or strategies to deal with communication problems.

1. Encourage recognition and gratitude

It is essential to establish better communication as a couple and avoid related problems to be grateful, recognize how much others do for us and value their strengths On many occasions, we forget that with their presence, our partner is contributing many things to our lives and supports us. That it is in our lives makes a difference.

Recognizing this and letting the other know it will make the other feel recognized and valued, being more likely to open up emotionally when the situation requires it. A person talks more openly about what worries him and what he feels when he perceives that his partner appreciates him being there.

2. Improve empathy

A key aspect in every human relationship: having empathy. Put yourself in the other’s place, trying to understand their point of view, their feelings and their situation It will help so that, when we have to debate any topic or negotiate important issues, we do not fall into the power struggle typical of many relationships. This is one of the most worked on aspects in couples therapy, and it helps a lot to resolve problems due to lack of communication.

By power struggle we refer to the situation so common in couples in which the two try to impose themselves on the other, without listening to them. The only objective with them is to be right, not to solve the basic problem and, since both want to be right, the discussions become eternal and the tone of voice becomes higher and higher, without reaching a point. in common.

The problem is that, when a couple argues, not one loses, but both. Empathizing with your partner means listening to them, putting yourself in their shoes. Naturally we can express our opinion, needs and feelings, but this must be done taking into account what the other person feels and with the aim of reaching a common point. Let’s not try to win the battle by getting the “reason” because at the end of the day that is still very subjective.

3. Training in body language management

Communication is not just words. Body language is a reality, a form of non-verbal communication that greatly influences the information received and how it is received. Knowing how to convey how we feel with a look, a smile or a wink can work in our favor when it comes to avoiding arguments.

Expressions of affection such as caresses, kisses and cuddles should not be neglected, weapons of love that help us maintain falling in love. Neuroscience confirms it: Human touch causes hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine to be released, which promote well-being Being in a good mood is more likely to debate without arguing or getting angry.

4. Strengthening assertiveness

We cannot expect our partner to guess our needs. Expecting that only leads to misunderstandings and arguments, conflicts that are usually the daily life of couples therapists. Nor should we silence what has hurt or bothered us, as it arouses distrust and helplessness in the couple Punishing silence does not serve to solve relationship problems, but rather makes them worse.

In most cases, communication problems are solved by talking. The best way to resolve and prevent them is to know how to recognize and express one’s emotions to others, always with respect and not resorting to reproaches or demands. With this we will be able to create an environment of trust that will greatly facilitate the communication of any aspect to be discussed.

In addition, our partner will know how we feel and what we think, thus avoiding misunderstandings. It is essential to express what happens to us without offending others because, if not, it is easy for the problem to remain entrenched, frozen until a situation reappears that brings it to light.

5. Teach how to choose the right moment and channel

To guarantee effective communication, it is very important to know how to choose the right time to talk about different topics. Let’s put it in perspective: wouldn’t we ask our boss for a raise one day when we found him shopping at the supermarket? Obviously not, for several reasons: too much noise, little privacy, lack of formality…

The same thing applied to the world of the couple: There are things that are better to tell in a private and intimate place, calmly and knowing very well what to say If we need to talk to our partner about something that we believe is important or sensitive, it cannot be done in a hurry or in a place where there is noise and interruptions.

We must be careful with how we start the conversation. The typical phrase of “we have to talk” is very, very unrecommended, especially if we do not specify what. As soon as we hear those words from our lips our partner becomes paranoid, it generates uncertainty, fear and anticipations of all kinds, but mostly bad ones. It is advisable to tell you what clearly, so that you know what to expect.

And, of course, monitor the channel: this type of conversation is not at all appropriate to have on the phone, much less on WhatsApp. Important things must be known how to say in person

• You may be interested: “How to know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons”

6. Do not use extreme words

A message can be said in very different ways, so many that depending on how we say it, its content changes without meaning to. Depending on the way we express ourselves, the content reaches the recipient and is interpreted in one way or another. We should not use categorical expressions or extreme words when talking about what we think of our partner

If we speak from a value judgment against our partner, using words like “you always do this…” or “you never do that”, from demands, complaints or criticism, it will be inevitable that the other will close in and get angry. defensive, ready to attack.

In couples therapy, patients are taught to transform complaints and criticisms towards their boyfriend/girlfriend or husband into messages that are easier to hear, from desire, proposal and request. They soften the message but without sacrificing its content. For example, instead of saying:

“You never help with the housework, you’re lazy.”

You can say:

“I am very satisfied when you collaborate at home, it helps me feel freer and better organized”

Another example, instead of:

“You always reproach me for coming home late, annoying.”

Transform it into:

“I know you worry when it takes me a while to get back from work, it’s something I take into account and I’ll let you know when it’s going to happen again.”