10 Keys To A Healthy Relationship Between Parents And Teenagers
Adolescence is a somewhat turbulent stage in both the adolescent’s life and that of their parents, and this stage of life is often associated with a series of conflicts and disagreements in the family context, typical of daily coexistence.
It is not surprising that this is the case: in the mind and lifestyle of adolescents there are a series of psychological elements that frequently generate “tensions”: the transition from childhood to the roles of adulthood, the search for one’s own identity, the I went from focusing on fathers and mothers to focusing on youth references, the need to feel accepted by the group of adolescents and have a good time beyond the rules at home…
However, raising and caring for a teenage son or daughter does not have to mean exposing yourself to a source of constant arguments.
Psychology professionals have spent decades studying the emotional, cognitive and behavioral phenomena that occur in adolescence, both at a personal and social level, and this has allowed us to develop useful strategies to improve the well-being of families and adolescents in particular. And beyond the context of family therapy and child-adolescent therapy (the most useful resources for addressing coexistence problems), this has allowed you to extract a series of general principles and recommendations that can be applied at home by anyone with teenage children
What are the main keys to a healthy relationship between parents and adolescent children?
To learn how to treat adolescents and build a positive relationship at all levels, as parents we must put into practice a series of behavioral guidelines, specific advice and educational modalities and whose purpose is not to systematically repress or punish everything that goes beyond the “shoulds” Here you will find them summarized.
Almost any social relationship works positively when there is good communication between both parties, and if we have a teenage child we must pay special attention to adapting to their concerns and worries without assuming that we know them simply by being their parents.
Of course, in case we make him fear punishments or reprimands if he says what is happening to him, It will be impossible to understand the reason for their behavior and we will be blindfolded Therefore, speaking openly and honestly is the basic ingredient on which any parenting model must be based to be effective; everything else comes later.
Effective communication is based on the application of a series of essential communication skills, including active listening, empathy, eye contact, negotiating skills, assertiveness and the use of humor.
In the same way, even if the adolescent does not communicate with us, they also We must approach him and ask him about his condition whenever we think something may happen to him or simply to check that everything is working correctly But these conversations don’t have to be conducted as interrogations: we also have to contribute something, not just ask questions (teenagers value privacy more than young children).
2. Respect your freedom
Adolescence is a stage in which the person needs to build their personality and begins to demand a series of freedoms to carry out activities appropriate to his age that he did not do in the previous stage
These new activities can be going out with friends, going to concerts or coming home later, and in each of them, the teenager needs to know that his parents trust him and grant him this new freedom that he so much needs if he does not show signs that you are not prepared to attend these events or that you are not able to behave in an appropriate manner. The limits always have to be properly explained by giving examples of specific behavior on their part, although without using them as reproaches or personal attacks.
Any person values positively that their opinion is respected, and this is of greater importance during adulthood, a time when self-esteem is more fragile and The adolescent needs positive external evaluation to develop his personality
Although we may not agree with many of our teenager’s statements, it is necessary to be respectful at all times and let them see that their opinion is taken into account. Likewise, it is essential not to invalidate his emotions so that he can express his discomfort when necessary and notice that this serves to receive help or support.
4. Privacy
Privacy is another of the essential demands that are the order of the day during adolescence and is one of the essential requirements for the correct functioning of any social relationship.
Ensure that the adolescent has his or her own space, such as his or her room, and not invade it excessively is one of the best ways to respect their privacy during this stage of development.
5. Share time together
Psychologists and adolescent specialists also recommend that building positive relationships with adolescents is of great importance. spend time together regularly
This can be done by making a plan together that is satisfactory to both parties, setting aside a few hours during the week to spend together, or taking an interest in their hobbies and participating in them whenever possible.
6. Treat him with respect
Adolescents constantly feel the need to be treated like adults and to start living according to the demands, responsibilities and advantages of adulthood.
That is why, in addition to beginning to demand new obligations, it is also necessary to show that we take seriously your way of grieving and making decisions, and that it can even be helpful to have their participation in many activities.
As has been indicated, active listening is essential for a correct relationship with the adolescent, whether you want to share something with your parents or find it difficult to do so
In the event that there is a problem that you need to inform us about, it is important to make you understand that you have our full support, our respect and that you will not be judged no matter what happens.
8. Don’t overprotect
Some parents tend to overprotect their children from early childhood, an educational model that is not advisable at any stage of development, including adolescence.
We must be able to give freedom to our adolescent son so you can make your mistakes and thus learn from them throughout their growth.
9. Negotiate
As happens in any other stage of upbringing, during adolescence it is of great importance establish rules and standards of behavior so that the person acquires a series of essential values and guidelines
However, it can also be positive to be able to negotiate some rules as long as they can be subject to change based on the adolescent’s good behavior.
These types of negotiations can be carried out on issues such as the time to return home, the possibility of giving a gift due to good grades, etc. This way, Young people not only have a richer and more varied system of incentives to behave well, but they also learn to self-regulate their behavior to achieve medium and long-term goals.
10. Share your own experiences
Another essential key to maintaining a good relationship with your adolescent children is to share all types of information that may be useful for their daily lives.
This personal information can be from experiences as well as own opinions, tastes, hobbies, anecdotes from adolescence or advice of all kinds, shared knowledge that will help forge a positive relationship between parents and adolescent child.
