Childhood Emotional Neglect: Characteristics, Effects And Treatment
Children can be victims of all types of harmful behaviors, even those that have not been intentionally done. Normally we think of mistreatment and physical and verbal abuse as the main ways of harming children, but it can also happen that the most unconscious neglect takes a toll on their well-being.
Childhood emotional neglect is the failure of parents and other caregivers to identify and respond to the emotional needs of children Although it is not usually malicious, this type of behavior has long-term consequences for the child, both personally and relationally.
Understanding why this type of neglect occurs and what its main symptoms are can help avoid it, raising awareness among parents to pay more attention to how their children feel and understand that children’s needs are not only physiological, such as eating or sleeping. , but there are also emotional ones and they must be satisfied.
Childhood emotional neglect can be described as the situation that occurs when one or both parents of a child do not adequately meet his or her emotional needs This type of emotional neglect stands out because it does not necessarily imply emotional abuse in childhood, but rather it is a situation resulting from the neglect, conscious or not, of parents with respect to their child’s emotions. Parents treat their children’s emotions as irrelevant, invalid, or excessive.
This type of emotional neglect can be evidenced in the type of phrases that victims of childhood emotional neglect often hear.
We can better understand this type of emotional neglect with the following example:
A boy tells his father that he is sad because of a class friend. The father, who does not understand that his son needs emotional support because he feels discomfort, does not understand it. The adult thinks that it is nothing more than a child’s game, instead of stopping for a moment to listen to his child and support him in whatever is necessary. As situations of this type are repeated, the child will begin to believe that his emotional needs are not important and he will stop seeking support.
Child Emotional Abuse and Neglect Are Not the Same Abuse is often intentional, a deliberate choice by one person to harm another. Although emotional neglect can be an intentional disregard for the child’s feelings, it is most often caused by the simple fact of not identifying the child’s emotional needs. This is why it is possible to find situations where there is emotional neglect but not in other aspects related to child care, such as feeding or hygiene.
The effects of emotional neglect in childhood can be very subtle and, on top of that, parents may not know they are doing it. Even the parents who love their children the most can fall into these types of dynamics Added to this, it is difficult for children’s professionals, such as pediatric doctors, teachers or even child psychologists, to recognize this phenomenon. The more serious the case, the greater the child emotional neglect, the easier it is to detect and the more it attracts attention.
How does emotional neglect affect children?
As we said, depending on the severity of the case, it will be more or less easy to identify a case of child emotional neglect. The symptoms of this type of neglect can vary from very subtle to very striking although, At first, the damage caused by this type of situation is rather silent However, the effects will end up appearing sooner or later and will worsen if nothing is done to prevent it. Among them we find:
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How does child neglect affect adults?
Boys and girls who have been subjected to childhood emotional neglect They often become adults with a dysfunctional personality and maladaptive social behavior Because their emotional needs were not adequately met or validated by their parents or other attachment figures, they end up becoming adults who don’t quite know how to deal with their own emotions.
Added to this, there are multiple mental health problems and relational dysfunctions that are associated with having experienced emotional neglect during childhood.
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Depression
emotional absence
Increased risk of suffering from an eating disorder
Avoid intimacy
Feeling deeply damaged
feel empty
Little self-discipline
Guilt and shame
Anger and aggression
Difficulty trusting others
Avoidance of any type of emotional dependence
It is common for adults who experienced childhood emotional neglect to end up replicating with their children what their parents did. That is to say, in these cases there is a greater risk of becoming parents who emotionally neglect their children since, as they were children, they were not validated nor their emotions were given importance, it is difficult for them to know how to listen to and understand the emotional concerns of their own children
Related article: “The 4 educational styles: how do you educate your children?”
What makes parents emotionally neglectful?
The fact that parents do not adequately identify or assess their children’s emotional states may be a consequence of several causes. As with child abuse, the causes of neglect are multifaceted and often difficult to understand. Most parents try to be the best for their children trying to satisfy their needs and offering them security and protection.
Therefore, before assuming that childhood emotional neglect is a consequence of the parents who exercise it being bad people, it is necessary to take into consideration several aspects that could be the cause of this negligent behavior towards their children:
Depression
Anxiety disorders
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Bipolar disorder
Suffering from a terminal illness
Go through a divorce
Job loss
Addictions
Resentment toward your child (e.g., unwanted pregnancy)
Personal lack of emotional fulfillment
History of parental neglect
Lack of healthy parenting skills
Recent duel
Being a victim of abuse (e.g., partner, family member…)
Fatiguing job
Economic concerns
Many neglectful parents come from families in which they themselves were emotionally ignored by their parents as children. As a result of that, They may not have the parenting skills necessary to meet their children’s emotional needs It may also happen that the child is unwanted or has infuriating behavior, something that provokes anger and resentment in the father and causes him to ignore the child’s pleas and questions.
It often happens that parents who emotionally neglect their children also neglect their own emotions. Adults who lack strong, emotionally satisfying relationships with their partners, friends, or family are at greater risk of not being able to respond appropriately to their children’s emotional demands.
Treatment for childhood emotional neglect
Even if the person is already an adult, it is possible to help them manage their past being the subject of emotional neglect equipping him with the tools to manage the emotions his parents neglected and teaching him to avoid committing the same type of neglect with his own children.
Among the options to treat the effects of childhood emotional neglect we find:
Child therapy
A clinical child psychologist can help children who have not been listened to by their parents on an emotional level to learn to deal with their emotions in a healthy and assertive way If the child is used to repressing his emotions when seeing that his attachment figures do not pay attention to him, it will be difficult to teach him to recognize and experience emotions in a healthy way, although it is not impossible.
If the patient is already an adult, the consequences of childhood emotional neglect will be profound, the result of years of repressing their emotions. It will be more difficult for the patient to learn to manage and express the emotions that he will undoubtedly experience throughout his adult life, since these are responses to the social environment in which we find ourselves.
Be that as it may, the point is that therapists and mental health professionals can help reduce and alleviate the effects of childhood emotional neglect by helping both children and adults learn to identify, accept and express their emotions in a healthy way.
Related article: “Children’s therapy: what it is and what are its benefits”
Family therapy
Since childhood emotional neglect usually occurs between parents and children, family therapy is essential This type of neglect has as its main component the quality of the relationship between parents and children which, without the adults necessarily being bad parents or abusers, has the problem that emotions are not properly recognized or managed.
Therefore, the task of the family therapist will be to help parents understand the impact they are having by not paying adequate attention to the emotional well-being of their children, even if they have not done so with malicious intent or on purpose. Added to this, this therapist can help the child learn to deal with the problems she may face. The earlier the intervention in the family, the less the effects of childhood emotional neglect will be on the child and the better the relationships between family members will be.
You may be interested: “Family therapy: types and forms of application”
Conclusion
Childhood emotional neglect, even if it is not conscious or intentional, can damage a child’s emotional health and self-esteem. Ignoring how the child feels or downplaying their emotional discomfort can cause the child to internalize the idea that their emotions are not important and that expressing them is not worth it. The consequences of this can be very profound and last a lifetime, causing psychological wounds that are difficult to heal without the help of psychotherapy.
Boys and girls have emotional needs that are as important as their physiological ones. They need to feel heard and valued by their parents, no matter how old they are. Learning to manage your emotions and listen to the emotions of others is something that should be part of every family’s education, and become something passed down from generation to generation. Children who were listened to by their parents will be adults who will listen to their own children.
Treatment for the effects of childhood emotional neglect can help children manage their emotions, understand that they deserve to be heard, and overcome feelings of emptiness. On the other hand, it also serves to teach parents to relate better to their children and value how they feel, understanding that even if there is no mistreatment or abuse, emotional neglect can be very painful for children.
