Parentification: What It Is, Types And Characteristics Of This Family Problem
It is normal for children to be cared for by their parents. Among the roles of parents we find being the emotional support of their children, working, cooking, doing housework, variables depending on how old the child is.
It is true that boys and girls must learn certain household tasks and help their parents, but this must be done within their possibilities and based on what is expected for their age.
However, there are cases of children and parents who completely reverse their roles, making the children act as parents to their own parents, a dysfunctional family dynamic known as parentification Let’s find out what it is about in more detail.
It is normal for parents to act as caregivers and for their children to be cared for by them. Parents are responsible for being the economic, emotional and educational support of their offspring, feeding them, taking them to bed, taking them for walks or hugging them when they need it.
Although boys and girls can help their parents a little, taking responsibility for some tasks, what is normal and healthy is that they are given the opportunity to live childhood without too many responsibilities or, at least, not more than what is expected of them. your age.
However, It happens that in some families situations occur and circumstances arise that cause an exchange of roles between parents and children Children become parents to their own parents, carrying out many or almost all of the tasks that their parents would be expected to do for them. Children are immersed in a situation in which they have to act as adults, something they are not, a phenomenon that can be very big for them and, consequently, mark their childhood and leave a trace when they reach adulthood.
These children, suddenly, They are forced to become very obedient, attentive children, with a very demanding sense of responsibility for themselves and for others The more they have to behave like adults, the greater the loss of their childhood innocence. Their childhood is stolen from them and will most likely lead to emotional wounds that will limit their personal development. These children who act as parents are victims of what child psychologists and psychiatrists call parentification.
The term “parentification” was coined by the Hungarian-American psychiatrist Iván Böszörményi-Nagy, a prominent figure in family therapy. This psychiatrist observed that this phenomenon was very common in dysfunctional families, being an unconscious process by which children end up becoming their parents’ parents, assuming a greater degree of responsibilities than what corresponds to them for their age and maturity.
It is defined as an unconscious mechanism because it is seen to be highly fueled by a very common practice today, a practice that at first may seem like that of a good parenting style. Nowadays, it is socially acceptable to treat children as if they were small adults in the sense that they are not undervalued as much as in previous times, which means that children see their influence increased spontaneously and, within certain levels, educationally insofar as they can be granted a greater degree of responsibility, a challenge that helps them grow.
However, this situation, which in principle is more flattered than criticized, if it gets out of control or there is little clarity between which are the roles of the children and which are those of the parents, can degenerate into a dysfunctional situation, an absolute reversal of roles. of parentification. In this situation, the little ones are responsible for meeting the physical or emotional needs of their parents, and taking care of the rest of their siblings
Parentification can be even more serious if the parents suffer from a mental disorder, especially personality disorders such as narcissistic, dependent or borderline, and mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. The disorder suffered by one or both parents makes it impossible for them to exercise their functions as a parent, either because they have a infantile and attention-seeking mentality (e.g., narcissistic disorder) or because the symptoms consume them, making it difficult to do the most basic tasks (e.g., depression).
Types of parentification
Although there are several classifications of the types of parentification, one of the most widespread is the one that includes the following two modalities of this phenomenon:
1. Emotional
Emotional parentification occurs When parents expect their children to give them emotional comfort That is, they calm them down when they are upset or protect them from the emotional consequences derived from their actions. In this way, they turn their children into their emotional support, but making the little ones play an active role in their emotional well-being, attending to their needs.
Despite this, parents who resort to emotional parentification mask this situation by denying the reality of their children along with the irrational and distorted justification that they do it for their children’s good.
2. Physics or instrumental
Physical or instrumental parentification is that situation in which children are expected to take care of domestic or economic needs such as preparing food, taking care of other siblings or even working, all tasks corresponding to parents and never to boys and girls.
Of the two types of parentification, physical or instrumental parentification is considered the least harmful, with the exception of the situation in which children are forced to work because their parents do not see themselves capable of doing so. As a general rule, the emotional one is the most serious for the child’s development, since it means assuming a role that can cause great stress while their emotional needs are neglected, since they cannot trust the adult to give them emotional support. . The emotional needs of their parents take excessive prominence.
Consequences of this phenomenon
Although it arises unconsciously and, in many cases, completely naively, parentification is still a disturbing phenomenon for the childhood of any child. It is considered violence and psychological abuse, at least one type of parental neglect Parentification during childhood implies a great impact on the development of the identity and personality of the individual, on interpersonal relationships and on relationships with one’s own children during adulthood.
It has been seen that people who were parented in their childhood are more likely to develop impostor syndrome in adulthood. This psychological condition is characterized by experiencing deep personal insecurity, even having achieved great achievements and successes, attributing the good things that happen to you not to your effort or know-how, but to mere strokes of luck, extrinsic factors beyond your control.
You may be interested: “The importance of the family in mental health”
Does parentification have benefits?
As we have seen up to this point, parentification leaves a profound effect on the adulthood of those who were victims in their childhood. His emotional wounds are deep, generating insecurities, fears and the feeling that he never had the opportunity to really be a boy or girl. These emotional consequences not only affect parentified children once they are adults, but also affect their intimate relationships, their partner, and even their own children.
However, there are those who suggest that this phenomenon, which we must not forget is considered psychological abuse and neglect, could have some benefit in some cases. Parent-child role reversal could be rewarding for child’s safety needs as long as he or she perceives the situation of having to take on more responsibilities as a sign of recognition and gratitude from his or her parents.
Some have suggested that higher levels of emotional parenting lead to higher levels of interpersonal competence in some cases. Since children learn things that would normally be learned later for their age, develop some independence, skills and abilities without so many obstacles in the way, simply because they have had to do it. This could have a positive impact on their adult life, making them better prepared for life and less afraid of having to take on new responsibilities.
However, despite these supposed advantages that parentification could bring, Everything indicates that the benefits are less than the disadvantages We must understand that each stage of life has its development patterns and characteristics, and in the case of parentification these are not respected. Children are children, and they should do child things. If their childhood is not properly respected, they may end up suffering alterations in physical, emotional, intellectual and social development.
What we can extract from all this is that parentification is one more phenomenon that reminds us of the importance of the bonds between parents and children, of how their development can influence throughout an entire life. Parentification is a situation typical of a dysfunctional family and, as such, psychological therapy will be required to be adequately identified and treated. We must think about the mental health and development of children, and ensure that they continue to do what is expected of them, childish things.
