Falling In Love During Adolescence: Characteristics And Associated Problems
Love is a universal but complicated feeling. If it is difficult to understand this emotion as an adult, it is more difficult during adolescence when it can be experienced in a more intense and passionate way, but also in a less lasting way.
Falling in love during adolescence is difficult for young people and it is also difficult for their parents, parents who are very sad when they see that their son or daughter is capable of stopping eating because they are constantly thinking about that person who makes fun of them.
How does falling in love happen during adolescence? There are many signs that can tell us that our son or daughter is going through this phase and, below, we will see what they are.
The characteristics of falling in love during adolescence
There is no doubt that love is one of the most universal feelings of the human being It is present in all races, cultures, countries and, of course, all ages. We feel love a few seconds after being born, a moment in which our mother and the rest of our family give us their unconditional love, manifested in the form of affection and protection given to us by those people who will love us the most during our first years. of life.
As time goes by and we grow this can change. It is not that our parents, siblings and other family members stop loving us, in fact they will continue to love us almost as much or more than they did when we were born. However, When adolescence is reached, the presence of another person can be introduced into the formula, a boy or a girl for whom we feel another type of love or, rather, romantic attraction.
First love usually coincides with adolescence. It is a love towards a person outside our family nucleus, with potential sexual interest and that can be felt towards a classmate, a friend or a person we see often. This feeling, if it occurs during our puberty, is experienced intensely and with the clear interest that the person to whom we feel attracted becomes our partner.
It is not surprising that falling in love during adolescence is so intense, since that time is a turbulent time for everyone’s life Hormones take control of our body which, to make matters worse, is accompanied by an internal conflict to know who we are, searching for our identity in a sea of doubts, uncertainty and much, much emotional instability. We experience rejection as especially painful and reciprocated love as a real rush.
But we should not confuse falling in love during adolescence with love. Falling in love is actually the stage that precedes love, and can be experienced in a very intense and passionate way. This period is so intense that those who experience it think it will never end. But it always ends, both for better and for worse. There are two possible outcomes for falling in love. One is love, the happy ending that you want to have with the person you start dating, while the other is heartbreak, the breakup of the relationship or directly discovering that there was never any type of correspondence.
In adolescence it is difficult for falling in love to evolve into a romantic relationship as in adulthood What usually happens is that the relationship lasts a few months, often with short-term crushes and even several at the same time. Likewise, whatever the duration of our adolescent child’s relationship, it is important to understand that he or she lives it in a particularly intense way and trivializing their relationship will only bring us conflicts and disappointments.
Signs of falling in love during adolescence
Although falling in love is not something scientifically quantifiable, we can detect a series of signs that warn us that our child is going through this period.
1. You feel attracted to someone
The first sign that indicates that a teenager is falling in love is that he or she begins to feel attracted to another person.
You don’t really know why you’ve noticed him or her, but something has caught your attention, something that makes you want to know more about that person, get to know them in greater depth, spend time together. This attraction is constant and is gaining more and more intensity.
2. You notice butterflies in your stomach
The teenager begins to feel nervous every time he sees that special person, you hear her speak or, simply, someone mentions her name. These sensations are what we call “butterflies in the stomach”, uncontrollable nerves, very intense but which, although confusing, are not unpleasant.
He doesn’t really know what is happening to him, but far from thinking that he has a stomach problem, what he feels is like a tickling that may even be pleasant
3. You have lost your appetite
Butterflies in the stomach are not a stomach problem by any means, but they can alter eating behavior temporarily and not seriously. The main symptom of falling in love at the stomach level is loss of appetite, something uncontrollable and even surprising.
It is normal for parents to worry, since eating disorders in adolescence are a reality (anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder) but if we know that it could be a consequence of falling in love, the best thing to do is It is not forcing our child to eat. You can’t just regain your appetite and make him eat when he doesn’t want to, the only thing that’s going to bring us is going to be some conflict or another
4. You need to be connected
Today’s teenagers need to be connected almost 24/7 to their mobile devices, tablets, computers and any electronic device that allows them to use their social networks. This need increases even more when they go through a phase of falling in love, needing to talk for a long time with that special person or, in case they are still nothing, checking their status to know everything they do
Youth cannot be prohibited from simply using social networks, which is why this need must be respected as long as they use the devices moderately and responsibly. It is essential to establish schedules in which young people can use their devices, but being aware that if they use them to communicate with their “crush” the best thing we can do as parents is to leave them a little more time, without going overboard.
But like everything in this life, the abuse of new technologies can bring with it an uncontrolled obsession and, in some cases, deprive them of important aspects of their life, much more important than a hypothetical relationship with someone who does not have to feel the same. that they.
Between the problems that can arise from spending too much time talking to your lover (and which are signs of a problem) we have:
Worse academic performance.
Difficulties in social relationships.
Problems with the family.
Neglect of personal habits such as sports, music and other hobbies.
Changes in personality and personal identity.
Irritability when not using the Internet.
5. Greater attention to your appearance
Adolescents, whether in love or not, begin to pay more attention to their external image, taking care of their physical appearance. This is even more noticeable when they are in a phase of falling in love, wanting to attract the attention of the person for whom they have feelings and hoping that they like the way they look.
Both boys and girls look in the mirror more, spend more time in the bathroom, do more sports, use creams, choose clothes and combine them. As a general rule, men prefer to join the gym to gain muscle, while women do sports to be thin, although having muscle mass is also valued.
Beauty standards are changing, but just because they change doesn’t mean they stop being harmful. Although there is nothing wrong with taking care of your external appearance, leaving aside your inner image, that is, your internal aspects such as your emotions, your personality and your intellectual abilities, can be very harmful. Thus, Parents must act as guides to prevent their adolescent children from falling into banality and becoming obsessed with achieving standards of beauty that are usually impossible
You may be interested: “Obsession with beauty: this is how it parasitizes our minds”
The importance of parents in this phase
As we mentioned, adolescence is a period in which there are usually many doubts, confusion and uncertainty. As with everything with adolescent children, it is essential that parents are there, acting as guides and demonstrating their constant unconditional love.
It is normal for there to be conflicts at home with a teenage son, who prefers not to spend so much time with his parents but they must know and feel that when they have a problem their parents will be there to support them and offer them help.
Every parent of a teenage son who knows that he is in the phase of falling in love must understand and respect it, being clear that it is normal for him to show a certain rebellion and independence at those ages, wanting to explore a world as attractive and unknown as that of youthful love. If what they are going to do does not involve any risk to their physical integrity, as parents we must allow them to do it, make them feel that they have our approval and that we respect their decisions. We must not forget that we were also teenagers.
If we know that our child is going through a crush, it is essential that we talk to him or her, talk to them about what they feel. Most likely, they will refuse to share their feelings and prefer to do so with a friend However, by telling them we will show them that we are aware of everything they are going through and that, if they need it, they can count on us to let off steam.
But the most important thing is to help them continue developing their personality, and taking care of the important things in their life. One of the dangers that a teenager can commit while in love is that this phase is so intense that it motivates him to make wrong decisions, neglecting other important aspects of her life. As parents, we must identify this problematic behavior, call their attention and, if there is no other option, intervene by cutting off the relationship and, if necessary, consult with a psychologist specialized in adolescence.
