Love is a universal concept that refers to the affinity between beings. Furthermore, in most cultures it is considered a feeling related to affection and attachment, the result of a series of behaviors, emotions and experiences between two or more people. Love can be romantic, familial, friendly, platonic, and even directed toward a divine entity (devotion). This set of emotions and feelings can take many forms in space and time, but it is always associated with virtue and affection between humans.
In the media, it is often said that passion in a couple lasts from 8 months to 3 years, with variable intervals depending on the source consulted. Statistical studies can elucidate, through questions and questionnaires, how different people perceive love, but not everything is so simple. The concept of “love” is so ethereal, unique and non-transferable that its components will be as variable as people living in the world.
Here we will leave the field of figures. With a physiological and philosophical view, let’s try to answer the eternal question of newly lovers: What is the duration of passion in couples?
The interesting study “Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction?”, published in the journal Frontiers of Psychology in 2016, postulates that passion in a relationship is a natural addiction, presumably inherited from reproductive mechanisms in other mammals. This theory is not wrong: through neurological studies, It has been shown that the reward system is connected to the feeling of love
In any case, the reward system may have much more negative connotations to you. When a human being consumes a drug (such as heroin), excessive neuronal stimulation occurs in the nucleus accumbens (NAc) and the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which causes a characteristic release of dopamine, which makes us feel euphoric and “ On a cloud”. It is estimated that an injection of heroin increases the release of dopamine up to 200 times compared to a normal situation.
In addition to the physiological bases, it should be noted that couples show, at an objective level, behaviors and processes that outside the relationship are considered addictive (including physical immunosuppression after rejection). It has been shown that lovers in a passionate phase can develop cravings to see their partner when they are not there, since interaction with them results in a state of euphoria/intoxication (rush) comparable to many potentially addictive activities.
The problem with the dopaminergic reward circuit in addictions is that it is not eternal: more and more external stimuli are necessary to promote the release of dopamine, which translates into resistance. Therefore, no feeling of euphoria lasts forever and each time “more is needed.”
The philosophical passion
It is more than likely that love has emerged as a product of environmental pressure or evolutionary inheritance, since all our behaviors and feelings are explained, at least in part, by the perceptions and systems already founded by the ancestors of the human species. In any case, we cannot forget that we are as much a “mind” as a “body”, and therefore, Passion cannot be explained only in the physical realm
Based on this premise, the most famous philosophical models have divided love into 3 different phases or components. We will tell you briefly.
1. Eros (passion and infatuation)
Eros represents desire, pure and tireless passion, sex, suggestion, “courtship” and everything that entails. Since sexual need is relatively easy to satisfy, newly found lovers constantly seek the most carnal relief, since well-being ends as soon as the sexual encounter ends. In other words, Eros represents the most immediate fantasy and desire in a relationship
Philia is the love of friendship, which can be based on consanguinity (family) or be a construct chosen by the individual. Philia It is based on knowing the other person, being interested in their qualities and what they have to say, respect, dialogue, sympathy and, above all, reciprocity
The general conception of love indicates that passion as we know it is more present in Eros and less in Philia. For this reason, it is often said that fiery, uncontrollable sexual desire and eminently physical attraction disappear 1 to 3 years after the start of the relationship. As more is discovered about the couple, fascination gives way to understanding, which in turn is accompanied by intimacy.
3. Agape (watching for the other)
Agape is probably what can be considered the last phase of falling in love (or another of its essential components). That term It refers to selfless love, giving everything for the other, wishing them well and the concept of “what is yours is mine.”
In a couple, Agape is the component that allows the construction of a family unit together, overcoming problems and the search for happiness for the loved person. This construct is almost never the trigger for the formation of the couple, as it emerges with time and consistency.
So, how long does passion last in a couple?
Deterministic views of couples (and the human mind itself) make us want to compartmentalize everything. It would cause us many fewer headaches to say: “passion lasts from 1 to 3 years, since the neuronal reactions from this time interval change and, therefore, the human being feels less gratification when seeing his partner.” The reader takes away a figure from the reading, but we would be missing the truth, or at least the philosophical part of it.
Passion can fluctuate over time, but Eros, Philia and Agape can be conceived in the same time interval of the relationship, regardless of the time that has passed after its conception. On the other hand, if a couple is not compatible on an emotional level, physical attraction can only go so far Passion without friendship and empathy doesn’t go far, just as a lack of sexual desire can also be a deal breaker.
With all these terms, both physiological and philosophical, I wanted to make it clear that passion and love are much more complex concepts than they might initially seem. The physiology of falling in love explains the addictive-type behaviors that we have at the beginning of the relationship, but the psychological constructs are the most attractive when it comes to understanding its permanence.
