Honesty in a couple is considered one of the fundamental pillars for the relationship to go well. Although it is easy to internalize the theory, in practice this turns out to be more complicated.
Many couples have a serious problem of lack of sincerity, which, although in itself does not have to condemn the relationship, it can contribute to it wearing down over time.
Next we will explore how to manage lack of honesty in a relationship understanding the importance of sincerity for any romantic relationship to work in the best possible way.
What to do when faced with a lack of honesty in a relationship?
The fact that honesty is a fundamental pillar in every relationship is one of the most heard sayings when talking about romantic relationships. It seems that everyone is very clear about this truth, but it is also true that theory is easier than practice and that many couples have a serious honesty problem in their relationship. They want to be honest, but it is difficult for them, and over time this can become a serious problem.
But what do we mean by honesty in a relationship? we could define it as be honest with our partner, both for the good and the bad There are those who, for example, feel sad and unmotivated in their relationship, but far from communicating their feelings to their partner, they prefer to keep it to themselves, considering that it is better not to worry them, and to achieve this they put on a mask of happiness, trying to deceive themselves as much as possible. as, apparently, they are achieving with their relationship.
Another sign of lack of honesty can come in another, somewhat more toxic form, such as not liking our boyfriend going out with his friends or continuing to interact with his ex-partner. Here there is a jealousy problem which should be worked on, however, far from exposing them or criticizing the fact that they relate to their friends, we prefer to remain silent because we are also aware that feeling them is wrong, that it is a possessive behavior to not want them to relate to their friends.
Another example of lack of honesty is being uncomfortable with what our partner does sometimes and, Instead of telling them with sincerity and kindness, we prefer to remain silent because we think that either it’s not that big of a deal or he’ll realize what he’s doing wrong. We also convince ourselves that we shouldn’t be bothered by something like that, or that we don’t have enough energy to keep telling him over and over again not to do things that way.
We could continue giving more examples that show a lack of honesty in the relationship, both for rather banal things and for truly serious matters. Saying that the relationship is going to be irremediably doomed to failure for the simple fact of not being honest is not fair, but it certainly will not be an ideal relationship based on trust and sincerity because, basically, that is what it is lame with.
How to improve honesty in a couple
Although each couple is different and not all formulas have to work for everyone, we can do certain things to manage the lack of honesty in the relationship. All of them aim to make the couple more transparent, that is, that its members do not have so much qualms about saying how they feel and what bothers them about marital life or courtship
1. Be sincere
This point is obvious, advice that we all have internalized in our own manual of how a relationship should work well. But as we have said before, the theory is easy to understand, the practice, however, is difficult to apply.
You have to understand that the lack of sincerity in the couple prevents having an intimate life There is a lack of real connection because there are too many secrets, which, no matter how innocent they may be, distance us from our boyfriend/girlfriend or husband, creating a strange relationship similar to the one we would have with a random acquaintance. Our partner is supposed to be our better half, and as such we should know the same about each other.
Whether because there is a desire to please our partner or because we are afraid of doing or saying something that will bother them, we end up lying, repressing our feelings and opinions and feeling bad about it. This type of behavior and emotions can be a heavy burden, so much so that it will end the relationship.
2. If he loves us he will accept us as we are
Lying and pretending to be someone we are not is a behavior closely associated with the fear of being rejected for who we are. People are sociable animals and we want to feel accepted and to do so we decorate ourselves a little, even if it means lying. Although our partner would have to accept us unconditionally, This fear of rejection is so strong that we don’t even show ourselves as we are with her
If he loves us, he will accept us through the good and the bad. We cannot expect to have a good relationship if we are not sure that the person with whom we share very private moments is not aware of what we really are like. That’s why we have to make an effort and open up and see if it’s really worth dating that person.
If unfortunately he does not accept us as we are, the relationship will begin to weaken and may break, but That is better than being trapped in a relationship where the uncertainty of not knowing if we are really going to be loved reigns because of how we are but we don’t know it because we don’t show it.
3. Without freedom there is no love
Bonding with someone should not be interpreted as a loss of freedom. Yes, it is true that if we have a monogamous relationship, going out with other people secretly from our partner is not okay, but that is not the “freedom” we want to refer to.
When we say that without freedom there is no love it means that we have to share our opinions and behave in the way we like best, as long as it does not harm other people.
Our own freedom makes the couple freer Closely related to what we have already mentioned, if our partner loves us, he will accept us as we are, and this also includes how we behave and what we think. If you are not comfortable, there is little point in continuing the relationship.
4. Let’s not blame our partner
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, and what was initially a small mistake can turn into a snowball that increases in size as time goes by. Small everyday gestures can be misinterpreted and lead to major cases of resentment that will damage the trust of the relationship
Before reproaching him for anything, we must think coldly if there has been bad intentions, that is, if they have been done on purpose. Far from criticizing her in a burst of acid sincerity, we should ask her why she has done what has bothered us and tell her about it, without seeing it as destructive criticism.
5. Let’s talk things over
Things are solved by talking, and by talking we mean oral language, not WhatsApp messages, notes, or non-verbal language of dubious interpretation. We should take our time to talk about those relationship issues that we want to discuss at length. It is best to mark a day of the week to do a session of sincerity and discuss what aspects that may have arisen throughout the week have bothered us or we believe could be improved in our relationship
Although there has been absolutely nothing bad to comment, this moment is perfect to reaffirm our honesty with the person we love, showing ourselves transparently and showing that we care about the relationship and want to share everything with them.
