The issue of limits applied to the education and upbringing of children and adolescents often gives rise to controversy. This is partly because the topic of how to educate the little ones in the house has a strong emotional charge as it touches many fathers and mothers “closely”: no one likes to feel questioned in such an important area of life and even of one’s own identity.
However, in practice, beliefs about whether these limits are good or bad are more ideological than real. The truth is that, in practice, all parents set limits at home, establishing more or less clear rules about what the child can or should do. However… How should we apply those limits when raising our children? This is the real debate.
Why is it important to find a balance when setting limits in parenting?
Many fathers and mothers assume that, since the little ones in the house cannot take care of themselves and do not know what can harm them in the short and long term, they must be constantly supervised through strict surveillance and control. , in which “by default”, almost any action that deviates from the conventional should be discouraged or even prohibited.
Others, however, show a predisposition completely opposite to the previous one: they assume that trying to set limits and rules creates more problems than it solves and that the simplest and most appropriate option is to leave it wide open, allowing the little ones to be the ones who learn by themselves. themselves what has positive consequences for them and what does not.
Both positions are based on mistakes, and deep down, they are based on a very simplistic way of seeing the upbringing and education of children in their childhood and adolescence. Actually, The existence of limits when educating children is natural taking into account that our role as adults involves providing protection to minors and at the same time allowing them to develop through their own learning in the best possible way. An upbringing without applying these rules annuls itself, it cannot exist.
Therefore, applying limits with our young children is a logical consequence of our role as parents. These “red lines” that should not be crossed are not so much prohibitions as references and guidelines to orient yourself in a very complex world full of ambiguities Limits can be a sign that punishments exist, but they are also an opportunity to think about why certain behaviors are not desirable from the point of view of the elders in the house, and what needs to be done to mature and gain autonomy.
5 tips to educate your young children on limits
The limits to be set in the education of a boy or girl depend on both the family context and the characteristics of the minor. But beyond this, you can be guided by these key recommendations and ideas by applying them and including them in your parenting model.
So that the boy or girl is able to remember these rules well, It is important that they are relatively few and that they are simple, without including many exceptions or variants. That way, your memory will come to mind spontaneously when you are exposed to a situation that may lead you to behave inappropriately.
But for this Some standards of behavior must be given priority over others ; In practice, it is better that the least important ones are not considered “limits” but rather recommendations or ways of behaving typical of our son or daughter’s role model. Letting them integrate into your behavior organically and without being fixed by rules and prohibitions will make truly important norms gain even more value.
2. Make sure he understands the reason for the rules
So that these limits are not perceived simply as unilateral impositions, You have to explain to your son or daughter the reason for these, their reason for being In this way, a space for debate and negotiation is created that can even help you keep that topic more in mind, and helps you learn.
3. Make the rules consistent
Once the standards have been set, make sure that the criteria for determining whether they are met or not change. Otherwise, they will quickly cease to be taken into account. If these rules do not exist in practice, in a few days they will not exist in theory either and both you and your son or daughter will forget them.
4. Put more emphasis on incentives than punishments
That way, The relationship between the little one and those limits will not give rise to so many conflicts since you will see them as a kind of scaffolding to gain validation and demonstrate your level of maturity.
5. In case he breaks them and you have to punish, do it soon
Don’t let too much time pass between non-compliance and punishment In this way, the situation is prevented from being perceived as unfair and arbitrary.
Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?
As we have seen, the search for that balance between protection and giving freedom to minor children is a complex task that is easily complicated. Luckily, many psychologists offer child and adolescent therapy services and support for parents to overcome these types of difficulties.
If you are interested in having professional support regarding the upbringing and education of your children, contact me; I offer face-to-face sessions in my office in Seville and online by video call.
