Separation And Its Influence On Children: What To Do?
Many children experience separation from their parents as something very emotionally painful even traumatic in extreme cases.
However, no one is predestined to suffer greatly for months because of this; How we adapt to the situation greatly influences how they will experience that stage.
Why it is important to prepare children for the separation process
Separation mainly affects the couple who ceases to exist as such, but that does not mean that its psychological impact is reduced to those two people. When young children are involved, it is also important that this separation process be as “healthy” as possible because your upbringing context will change significantly, and so will the way in which you will relate to your parents.
This also has to do with the stage of psychological development they are in. During childhood and adolescence, it is easy for radical changes to generate a lot of anxiety and stress, and their coping skills are not as effective as those of the average adult. On the other hand, the family environment is the place where most minors feel safest, and separation is usually interpreted as a violation of that space in which one can relax and have their space.
Therefore, although the fear of making a son or daughter suffer should not determine the decision of whether to separate or not (nor produce feelings of guilt if choosing the former), It is important to take measures so that your transition to the new situation occurs in the best possible way
To do? 5 tips to keep in mind
Keep these key ideas in mind when helping your son or daughter adjust to the separation situation.
1. Don’t hide what is happening from him
Hiding what happened from him is totally counterproductive; separation is an important aspect that also affects you, and you need to be able to understand it (according to your possibilities dictated by your age). Describe what happened without turning it into a plea for your point of view.
2. Listen to him and encourage him to express how he feels
It’s not all about communicating what has happened; Her feelings about it are also valuable, and must be recognized, since the separation also affects her. Invite him to express himself, to say what he thinks and how he feels and listens without wanting to correct at the moment.
3. Make sure you haven’t misunderstood
You may have many doubts or have misinterpreted several things about what is happening; after all, A separation implies many changes in your life and the uncertainty of not knowing how what is happening will be projected into the future can lead you to create catastrophic predictions.
4. Respect their space
In the face of emotional discomfort, it is normal for your son or daughter to want to be alone for more time than usual Do not see this as something abnormal and do not insist on trying to keep them living a normal life during those first days. If you see that the situation begins to become chronic after lasting more than one or two weeks, talk about it to see how you feel and, if necessary, seek professional psychotherapeutic help.
Especially during adolescence, minors are prone to projecting their frustrations onto specific people, whether it be themselves or someone around them. And in the context of a separation, it is even easier for this to happen, because less time is spent with one or both parents, and there is often tension or hostility between adults.
However, when talking about what happened with your son or daughter, You should not give in to that inertia of blaming the other person for what has happened Not because if you feel that way your point of view is not valid, but because if you do not describe the situation in the most objective way possible, you will be putting the child in a situation in which he or she may feel pressure to take a position in a conflict, adopting a “partisan” mentality that fuels hostility and perpetuates itself. Even if you are not of legal age, you have the right to interpret the facts based on information that is as unbiased as possible, since this separation will also be a fundamental part of your life path.
6. To play it safe, go to a psychologist
In psychological assistance sessions, it is possible to count on personalized advice from professionals with experience treating behavioral and emotional management problems ; This is useful both for yourself and to provide support to children who feel lost in the separation process. In this way, you will be able to go beyond general advice and have guidelines adapted to your particular case.
Are you interested in having psychological assistance in separation processes?
If you want to have professional psychological support in situations of separation or divorce, I invite you to contact me
I am a psychologist specializing in the cognitive-behavioral intervention model and I can help you go through crisis situations both in terms of emotional management and in terms of personal relationships and parenting strategies. You can count on my services in Madrid, and I also attend through online sessions by video call.
