When The Feeling Of Motherhood That We Idealize Does Not Arise
Upon the birth of a baby, many mothers feel happy, grateful, and empowered to bring their children into the world.
However, For many women, the postpartum period can be a difficult experience, full of fear, guilt, and negative feelings that affect their emotional and social relationships, breastfeeding and even their bond with their baby. This is what we call postpartum depression (PPD).
In this article we will see What happens when the birth of a baby does not bring about the anticipated and idealized illusion of being a mother? but sensations linked to discomfort.
Pregnancy, childbirth and the puerperium are moments of special vulnerability for women, where the person is more sensitive and there may be personal or contextual factors that may be affecting the bond that is generated between the mother and the baby. The beginning of the bond with our baby can be altered at different times.
1. During pregnancy
Bonding with baby begins in the womb, and the fetus perceives all the emotions that its mother is feeling. If the mother’s life history has been complex, the hormonal process that develops during pregnancy gives rise to a period of psychic transparency (Bydlowski, 2007), where the woman feels the need to review and repair her history, especially , the bond with your mother, to be able to begin to create the emotional connection with your baby.
If there are unresolved attachment conflicts or ruptures in the mother’s history, it is more likely that the emotional bond could be negatively affected. Therefore, pregnancy is a good time to be able to work and repair our attachment history.
2. Maternity and paternity
This phase begins to develop from the moment you dream of the arrival of your son or daughter, and until it arrives many things can happen.
A mother does not emerge from loneliness and isolation; It is the result of a family, bonding, social, economic, technological context Biology also plays a leading role, and to carry out motherhood you need support, to generate the conditions for a healthy pregnancy. In this process, not only the mother and her family matter, but also the entire society.
3. Childbirth
Whether there is a natural or highly medicalized and intervened birth, whether there are medical complications or whether the woman has not felt safe in that situation, It can lead to the emotional connection with our baby not being as expected
4. The postpartum
Physical and emotional separations between the mother and the newborn, or medical interventions on the baby or the mother, among other issues, can also cause the establishment of a strong emotional bond to be postponed.
5. The puerperium
Lack of support and care from the couple and the environment, problems or illnesses in the mother’s recovery, or stress, generate mother-baby connection difficulties
When the excitement of being a mother doesn’t come
If the pregnancy has gone well and the birth has been respectful of the mother and the child, the woman will feel empowered; Hormones and emotional changes promote it, giving her internal and external strength along with a connection, not only with the baby, but also with herself. Mammalian biological instinct directs maternal behavior and predisposes the mother to carry out certain actions related to the good development of motherhood.
However, if you have not been able to be the owner of your birth, your body, the process, a feeling of confusion and helplessness usually sets in, which leads you to lose self-confidence. It is as if something has been stolen from her that she is not aware of in the way she experiences being a mother.
There are different variables that can result in mothers not feeling that torrent of love that they “should” feel and after that comes the feeling of guilt and discomfort with oneself.
Postpartum depression
It is very common to live feelings of sadness, irritability, desire to cry after childbirth, due to fatigue and hormonal change. This period is called “Baby Blues” and 80% of women suffer from it. With the care of the people around the mother and baby, the necessary rest and a lot of emotional support, these symptoms disappear in a few days.
However, if this does not occur and the discomfort continues, affecting the daily life of the mother and baby, we could be talking about postpartum depression For these cases, at Vitaliza we recommend professional support.
PTSD associated with pregnancy or birth
It is also important to go to a professional if during the birth or post-partum process the mother experiences that at some point her life or that of her baby has been in serious danger; This can generate intense fear or hopelessness, developing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
This fact can occur in between 2 and 6% of women who give birth, and 30% usually generate some symptoms of this disorder, persisting for a long time, even years, if not treated appropriately.
Among the main triggers of this alteration is the perception of negligence or malpractice during or after childbirth or high obstetric intervention (use of instruments during childbirth, medicalization, urgent cesarean sections, etc.) where the woman feels a loss of control or excessive pain for a prolonged period of time.
Symptoms
Symptoms that accompany a traumatic birth They usually are:
To do?
In cases of PTSD, it is recommended encourage women to express their feelings in self-help groups or with professionals EMDR Therapy, together with regulation and relaxation strategies such as Neurofeedback, are effective treatments for PTSD after a complicated birth.
Bringing a baby into the world is one of the life events with the greatest emotional and physical impact on a woman, which is why it is very important to accompany and care for both her and the baby. This help should combine the human factor provided by loved ones, and professional assistance from psychotherapy experts.
Authors: Anabel De la Cruz and Cristina Cortés, psychologists from Vitaliza Health Psychology.
