Gottman Method Of Couples Therapy: Characteristics And Operation
Why do relationships break up? Is it possible to find some scientific method that allows us to detect factors that maintain and break relationships? With this objective, Dr. John Gottman developed extensive research in the field of romantic relationships, together with his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman.
Between the two of them they created the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy, a type of couples therapy focused on helping couples resolve their conflicts and build healthier relationships. In this article we will learn about its characteristics and applications, as well as the 7 principles that help maintain loving relationships.
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is a type of couples therapy, developed by Dr. John Gottman, psychology professor at the University of Washington, together with his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman.
Dr. John Gottmann, in addition to being a psychologist, had mathematical and statistical training, and had been researching the relationship patterns of different couples for more than 40 years. He relied on science and statistics to try to understand something as inexact and volatile as love, but it turns out he did just fine.
What J. Gottman intended was find the variables that facilitated a breakup, as well as the factors that favored the continuity of relationships
7 principles of the love bond
The Gottmans worked in clinical practice with more than 3,000 couples of all types, and developed a list of 7 principles that should govern a healthy relationship, so that the relationship is maintained over time and provides well-being for both parties.
These principles are also called The Sound Relationship House, and represent a metaphor for building a house, alluding to the relationship, which can be house and home at the same time. These 7 principles are based on two characteristics that the members of the couple must have: commitment and trust.
Empathy is essential when building healthy relationships It is therefore important that both members of the couple take into account each other’s preferences, respect them and be able to share these interests at certain times.
It is not necessary that the two members of the couple agree on everything, but rather that they listen to each other, respect each other and accept that they are different people with different concerns and needs.
2. Show affection
The second principle of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy refers to the expression of affection and admiration towards the other member of the couple. It is essential that both members of the relationship be able to detect and appreciate the virtues of others
3. Solve problems
It is important that the couple acquires the necessary skills to resolve their conflicts or problems. Some ideas for doing this are to gently initiate conversations that may be conflictive, as well as trying to repair behaviors that have caused harm, in order to maintain the emotional connection with the couple.
Here Negotiation skills will be very important (sometimes agreements or “pacts” must be reached with the couple, where both parties give in) and commitment skills. It will also be important to be tolerant of each other and share concerns, with the couple being a “team” in this sense, seeking together the happiness of both.
4. Build love maps
The Gottmanns speak of this concept referring to a mutual and shared awareness of the other’s world; That is, the important thing here is that both parties know how to enter the emotional world of the other and that they know their aspirations, their values and hopes.
The objective is to build common paths as you enjoy the process.
5. Express interest
It is important that both members of the couple show interest in what the other explains to them. It is because of that It will be essential to share moments, start conversations of different types knowing how to listen, etc.
In this sense, an aspect that will strengthen the relationship is to express this interest and recognition towards the partner, so that they feel valued.
6. Manage conflicts
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy highlights an essential difference between “resolving conflicts” and “managing conflicts”, since, according to the Gottmans, therapy should focus on enhancing the management of conflicts, not so much their resolution.
This is explained by the fact that conflicts will always exist in relationships, and in a way that is healthy and keeps the relationship alive. In other words, conflicts are inherent to romantic relationships (and all kinds).
That is why the objective should focus on properly managing these disagreements, and not so much on simply making them disappear (because that is also practically impossible and unrealistic).
7. Create shared meaning
The last principle refers to the enrichment of the relationship, which arises as a consequence of the contributions of both members of the couple to the relationship.
Thus, it is important that each of them gives the value they deserve to everything their partner contributes. The goal is for both of you to find and create a shared relationship meaning, where the two parties contribute and are nourished by the contributions of the other
When can the therapy be applied?
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy can be applied at all stages of a relationship, from the beginning, to educate both components of the couple in healthy relationship patterns even in conflictive stages where events such as infidelities have occurred.
Furthermore, the studies that have been carried out in relation to the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy demonstrate that this type of therapy can be effective in both heterosexual and homosexual couples, as well as in couples from different cultures, sectors and economic statuses.
Factors that predict divorce
But the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy not only talks about the principles or variables that help the relationship work and last over time. It also talks about the factors that predict or explain divorces climax of the couple crisis in marriages.
These are: the contempt of one or both members of the couple towards the other, defensiveness, criticism towards the other (especially towards their way of being and their personality) and impediments or refusals to interact or communicate, on the part of one or both.
Considerations
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is a type of therapy based on scientific research and studies developed by the Gottman couple. That is why its validity and empirical evidence are high.
However, it is important to note that Each couple will have their characteristics, and that as therapists we must maintain a flexible approach of therapy if we decide to apply this method. That is, it will be convenient to adapt it to the needs of the patients in cases where they are required.
Furthermore, it is important to note that to carry out the Gottman Method we must train properly in it, since it is not a type of therapy that can be applied without further ado. The training will allow us to learn about the method first-hand, and acquire the necessary confidence to apply it in an individualized and adapted way in our clinical practice.
