We have gone to the consultation worried about our son, who won’t sit still, gets bad grades and is driving us crazy. After a long testing process, the psychologist informs us that our child has ADHD.
We are relieved knowing that the child is not doing it on purpose, and that he does not have an intellectual disability or that we have failed as parents. Discovering that it can be improved with treatment helps.
However, at this point we have a problem: how to tell them. This is a very common situation in parents who have just found out about this diagnosis, and They don’t know how to explain to a child that they have ADHD Well, below we will see how to do it.
How to explain to a child that he has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Many families have a child who seems to have bad behavior. In some of these cases he is restless and impulsive and has learning difficulties and these problems begin to deteriorate relationships at home, school and other environments in which the child develops. The parents become worried and decide to go to a psychologist to evaluate what is happening.
Once you go to the consultation, the professional performs the relevant tests to find out if it is a case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Once it is confirmed that the child has the disorder, the professional informs the parents. Parents are psychoeducated, understanding what this disorder is, its symptoms, what to expect and the treatment that the professional will perform.
However, even though parents feel relieved to know that their child’s problem is not due to poor education or intellectual disability, they ask themselves a question: Should they tell their child that they have ADHD? They are not sure if explaining it to you will benefit outweigh the harm and they fear that the child will see himself as “mentally ill”, that he is crazy and will come to believe that he is a danger to himself and others.
Why is it important to tell you that you have this disorder?
It is very important to explain that you have this disorder. The reason it is so important to tell you that you have ADHD is because, no matter how small, He already knows that he behaves in a problematic way, very different from that of his other colleagues and friends He notices that he does not concentrate like the others, he moves too much and cannot avoid it, that it is difficult for him to learn and that, sometimes, others do not want to play with him.
Your problem will become more evident the longer you go without receiving professional help. As he grows, greater impulse control is expected of him at school and the syllabus becomes more complicated. As a child with ADHD has problems with self-control and has difficulty paying attention, it is expected that he will have more behavioral problems in class, in addition to his academic performance becoming worse. That is why it is so necessary to identify it as soon as possible, and involve it in the treatment.
It is also important to explain it to them because, Failure to do so runs the risk of seriously damaging your self-esteem and self-concept As the child sees that, no matter how much effort he puts into it, he cannot be at the same level as his classmates, he will begin to believe that he is “stupid.” Also, since others will see him as the most restless, loud and inattentive child in the class, he will begin to believe that he is a lazy and bad person. Avoiding explaining the topic will cause more anxiety and frustration for the child.
How to do it?
In order to explain to the child what he has, three fundamental aspects must be taken into account. The first is age, since saying it to an 8-year-old child is not the same as saying it to a 16-year-old teenager. The second is her level of maturation, which may be different from what is expected for her age. Finally, there is her degree of understanding, given that, despite the disorder hiding it, the child may be more intelligent (or less) than children her age.
No matter how professional the psychologist is, if the patient does not want to cooperate, it is difficult to make a therapy prosper A child who does not know why he has to go to the psychologist will feel confused and, to make matters worse, will think that information is being hidden from him, which is true. This will make him more afraid and he will not feel trust with the psychologist because he will see him as someone who has colluded with his parents to deceive him.
For this reason, parents, once they know the diagnosis, must explain to their child what they have. It is essential that when the explanation is given, the child has understood that he behaves this way not because he lacks intelligence or is a bad child, but because he has a problem that makes him this way. It is necessary explain that no one is perfect, that we all have weaknesses and strengths and what we can improve as people. It should also be explained to him that he will receive help from a psychologist and/or take medication.
When giving the explanation, you can mention behaviors that you have done in the past related to the following symptoms of ADHD: lack of attention, poor impulse control, difficulties in social relationships, lack of autonomy and absence of reflexivity. , among other. It is quite likely that the child will ask us questions like “is this why I never sit still?”, “is this why I don’t pay attention in class?” or “Is this why you tell me to stop so many times?”
Letting him ask is the best way for him to understand what is happening to him This way you will identify all the difficulties that can be related to ADHD and, in this way, you will be able to understand them better and learn how to cope with them. As the child recognizes ADHD in himself and knows what is happening to him, he will begin to realize that the things that happen to him are due to something that is not his fault, and he will be able to cope.
How to help you accept your situation
As we have mentioned, the child surely feels very frustrated because he does not perform in class, despite all the effort he makes. You may also feel down because on more than one occasion you have been told that you are too loud, restless, rude, unfocused, that you care little about what the teacher says, that you behave badly with the rest of your classmates… Because of all this, your Self-esteem and self-concept are on the floor.
For this, The family should strive to avoid making labels of the child’s actions that define him or her Our actions do not define us as we are, even if we do them many times. Also, to improve your self-esteem, especially once treatment has started, it is essential to highlight any achievements you have achieved, whether attributed to the treatment or not. If he behaves well, if his grades are going up, if he is quiet in class, and other behaviors that would be considered “normal” for children his age.
When it is known that the child has ADHD, the family must normalize this fact. That is to say, we cannot present the disorder as an insurmountable impediment, that there is no solution to its problem. What he must be made to understand is that a series of circumstances have arisen, which, in fact, make it a little difficult for him to be at the same level as his colleagues but, with a little help, he can reach them. It must be explained to him that facing difficulties is something fundamental, and it is something that can be learned.
If the child has older siblings, it is very important to make them understand that their little brother has this problem, and that they must help their parents to normalize this situation. Older people, if they are teenagers, will understand the problem in a way that is closer to that of an adult. However, it is very important that they do not go ahead of their parents and talk to their brother with ADHD, since there is a risk that they will not know how to explain it properly and that he will think that he is “mentally ill.”
To facilitate the process, it never hurts to seek support from local ADHD groups, such as associations, centers and foundations, in addition to the professional help offered by psychologists and psychiatrists. It is also essential to ask the school if it has any special program to teach these types of children, in addition to making the teacher understand that the child has this problem, which explained her academic problems.
To help children confront stigma, it is highly recommended to look for informative children’s stories about ADHD, adapted to their age. It is essential to demystify false beliefs, such as that they are “lazy” or “stupid”, and if they have been unlucky enough to hear some unpleasant comment at school, remind them how good they are and why the way they behave is not their fault. Putting a list of the good things they have and hanging it on the refrigerator is a good option.
