Liquid Love: Why Are Our Relationships More Sporadic?

Why do our relationships last less and less? How can this way of relating affect us? Discover Zygmunt Bauman’s theory of liquid love.

Today, we are in a world where most events are transitory and everything ends up changing at breakneck speed, from the way we process information to even our relationships. In fact, the liquid love theory by Zygmunt Bauman points precisely to this fact, that is, that our ties today tend to be more disposable, ephemeral and superficial. But why does this happen?

What is liquid love?

The sociologist and philosopher Zygmunt Bauman has suggested that in our society there exists what he called ‘liquid love ‘. This concept points to the fact that it is increasingly visible that our relationships are shorter and more superficial. According to Bauman’s theory, relationships do not last because we look for quick solutions, we do not know how to tolerate uncertainty and we want quick and total satisfaction. That is, love takes time and effort, something that today it is increasingly difficult for us to tolerate.

The guaranteed and instant complacency that we are accustomed to in the consumer society has ended up causing our relationships to be affected. In fact, all the facilities we have today do not occur in love. Being so immersed in the culture of speed and instantaneity, people find it increasingly difficult to cope with what requires extra effort and gratification later in time.

Therefore, the idea of ​​loving ‘until death do us part’ becomes obsolete due to the type of society in which we live. This idea has been replaced by a spontaneous love, which only lasts as long as it requires some effort and self-work to maintain it.

What is the problem with liquid relationships?

By changing the way we approach our relationships, that is, by treating love as if it were an object, this can end up affecting us on an emotional level and even generating anxiety due to the fear of being abandoned or discarded by the other. What at first may be perceived as extreme freedom, that is, being with the other person without conditions or ties, can end up generating painful ambivalence (if what is sought is precisely a stable relationship).

Many may seek love to satisfy their needs for affection, connection, and emotional validation, but having disposable relationships distances them from the stability and emotional bond that we may need. The thought that we should not give or work on the bond can end up causing us to jump from one relationship to another, increasingly dissatisfied with our relationships.

Why does liquid love happen?

Some of the main causes why this type of relationship or relationship can happen: more sporadic love In our current society they can be the following:

1. Unsafety: One of the causes that can produce this type of liquid relationships It is insecurity. That is, if we do not perceive ourselves as fully capable or deserving of having a deep relationship or being loved, it is difficult for us to have a healthy bond with our partner.
2. Low self-esteem: Insecurity and self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. In fact, liquid love may be related to this because we are afraid of putting our emotional well-being at risk by showing ourselves too quickly to a person, which taken to the extreme can make us cold or inaccessible to others.
3. We do not know eachother: Dedicating enough time to ourselves these days can be difficult. The reality is that by knowing ourselves better, we can have healthier and, therefore, longer-lasting relationships. In some cases, even not knowing ourselves well enough can lead us to emotional dependence, that is, depending on the approval and vision of others to sustain our self-esteem, which ends up generating suffering and discomfort.
4. Social networks: The virtual world has also had a great influence on the emergence of this ephemeral love. Social networks can make us believe that love only exists when it is perfect, and this distortion of reality can affect our ability to value effort or tolerate mistakes in front of our partner.
5. Reification: Another of the great pillars that supports liquid love is the tendency that our society has to objectify people. That is, the tendency to perceive and value people as if they were objects or things. This objectification can also end up making us tend to have weaker ties with others.

These are some of the main causes why what Bauman calls liquid love Even so, if you feel identified with this, perhaps it is that you have problems in your relationships, in this case, it is important that you go to a professional psychologist.

Liquid love vs. long-term love

According to Zygmunt Bauman, today love relationships are based more on physical attraction than on deep connection. Therefore, they are links that are highly influenced by the individualism of both members, in which contact is ephemeral or simply superficial. That is to say, this author’s theory of liquid love focuses on the individualism that marks our societies, since it implies the constant search for the immediate satisfaction of our desires.