Throughout these years of clinical practice I have seen how many of the people who came to therapy felt bad but did not know how to identify the cause of it. There are those who do not identify or do not want to see the consequences on the emotional state that your relationship may be generating In the name of “love” these people justified to themselves (constantly) their partner’s harmful behaviors. But the reality is different: it is not negotiable, if it hurts it is not love.
In this article we will review Typical warning signs of dysfunctional relationships
The purpose of maintaining a relationship is growth, both personal and joint. A relationship has to add, never subtract. You both have to feel that you grow together as a couple and that on an individual level you empower each other. bringing out the best possible version of the other
If you feel that your self-esteem is damaged and your dignity is decreasing every day because of the dynamics you have in your relationship, you may be falling into a dysfunctional relationship. You will waste away little by little until you reach the day when you may look in the mirror and not recognize yourself.
The first step to get out of a dysfunctional relationship is to identify it Keep reading the 10 key signs that you are in a harmful relationship.
1. Power struggle
It is very common in dysfunctional relationships for power struggles to occur constantly. When a person has feelings of inferiority towards his or her partner, He will fight each conflict as if it were the last battle wanting to win “the war.” In the short term it will be an unconscious way to compensate for their lack of self-esteem, but in the long term their self-esteem will continue to be weakened and the relationship will suffer.
If you have a partner, you have to reflect on this point. Emotional ties must be seen in an adult and mature way, creating a space in which the opinions of others are respected.
One day working on this with a couple in therapy, I told them, “you know you can disagree, it’s okay; But this does not mean that you love each other less or that you do not respect yourselves, you simply think differently.” There was silence and they looked at me with a surprised look. At that moment the myth of “truly loving each other means that we have to think alike” was debunked. Indeed, in a relationship you can disagree. Thinking differently is legal, so it’s better to leave it as a tie.
Always wanting to be right, never admitting your mistakes being unable to apologize when you fail, not listening to your partner, not letting them freely express their opinion or impose yours, are symptoms of a power struggle.
2. Disrespect
One of the basic ingredients in a relationship is respect. It is the foundation on which the other pillars will be laid. Therefore, without respect there is nothing!
If within your relationship there are some of the following points, you have crossed the red line of respect:
If you feel that No matter how hard you try, you always end up arguing in a hostile way, communication is non-existent and it is impossible for you to agree, you are in a complicated situation. This can lead you to feel anger, sadness and/or resentment that can end up undermining your relationship.
Respect and healthy communication must always be present within a relationship. Respecting each other is the first step to improving the quality of that loving bond.
3. You don’t recognize yourself
As a consequence of the dynamic you have as a couple, It may be that the context transforms you for the worse If you identify with one or more of the symptoms, you may be living a toxic relationship:
It is important be clear about the relationship framework in which you operate You have to feel free, to be able to express yourself as you are and feel like yourself, without coercion, while you have to have the same attitude of acceptance towards your partner.
4. Obsession with changing your partner
There are people who mistakenly start a relationship because they are attracted to someone, but they do not accept fundamental aspects of the other. These people negotiate with themselves with patience and effort They will be able to change those parts that they do not like about the other This is a myth, no one is going to change just because someone else tries to do so.
You can suggest a request to change behavior to your partner, but it will have to be that person (if they want to do it) who freely decides to change, not through manipulation or insistence. I have seen how people have dedicated a large part of their life and energy to trying to change their partner without getting results.
5. Control and jealousy
Many toxic relationships They begin by subduing the couple with controlling behaviors There are many ways (subtle or explicit) to do this. Some examples would be:
If you allow your partner to violate your right to privacy, you are in a dysfunctional relationship (at the very least). You shouldn’t let anyone decide about your own life.
You may be interested: “The types of jealousy and their different characteristics”
6. Blackmail and comparisons
If you feel that your partner is comparing you to his ex or to people from his past, he makes comments to you about how with other couples there were things that worked but not with you… This is a way of generating feelings of guilt and lowering your feelings. self-esteem. You have to be careful with comparisons or blackmail.
Each person is different, unique by definition. In healthy relationships there is no blackmail to obtain own benefits.
7. Constant emotional instability
If every time you have a strong argument or a problem, your partner threatens to leave the relationship and even leaves it, it can create feelings of insecurity about that bond and lead you to feel like you are on a continuous roller coaster of feelings.
Threatening to leave the relationship or doing so is a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship. We would have to learn to handle problems in a different way. It is essential for the development of a stable relationship that members feel secure about the commitment that exists within the relationship.
8. Open and permanent conflicts
There is nothing more unpleasant than living in a continuous open fight or war without respite. This exhausts people and robs them of the energy destined for their projects and plans.
Poor communication as a couple can cause you to continually have conflicts. generating a feeling of discomfort, frustration and uncertainty in both. For psychological health, it would be necessary to reach agreements and learn to manage communication effectively.
9. You have to justify your attitude with excuses (with yourself and with your environment)
If to continue in the relationship you have to constantly justify yourself/their behavior and deep down you know that what is happening is harmful to you you are in a harmful relationship.
If your environment tells you about the toxic (obvious) things about your relationship or tells you to leave the relationship, that you can’t continue like this and you have to justify all that, you are probably in a dysfunctional relationship.
At all the points mentioned, the path is also the other way around, do not do what you do not want to be done to you.
10. You are unable to get out of the toxic relationship
If you feel identified with any of the above points and you are not able to get out of a dysfunctional relationship, you have tried but you can’t or you would like to solve the problems in your relationship, you can ask for professional help. in El Prado Psychologists; We know how to help you.
