All of us have been (or are or will be) teenagers at some point in our lives. We know and have experienced a lot of changes, and some will have even gone through a phase of rebellion towards their parents, even once they come of age.
And the truth is that although at the time it may have seemed like the logical way to proceed, the truth is that this behavior can be frustrating for adults, as they may discover when they have children of their own. In this context, doubt may arise regarding how to react, what to do. How to treat a rebellious 18-year-old? In this article we are going to try to give ten basic tips to deal with this situation.
Adolescence, the transition from childhood to adulthood, is a process that involves a large number of physical, psychological and social changes.
In addition to those inherent to development, we face a great increase in what society demands of us, something especially visible when we reach the age of majority: legally we are already adults and we are required to have responsibilities as such, even though we are not yet mature. We have just passed adolescence (in fact, some authors even propose that we remain adolescents until we are 25). We continue experimenting and trying to find ourselves as well as prove our newly acquired identity.
It is therefore a difficult age for those who experience it, and it can be a distressing and frustrating stage. Likewise, it usually still persists a certain distance from authority figures typical of previous years, derived from the search for a separate identity and the search for and increase in the importance of other social relationships.
All of this can lead to oppositional and rebellious behavior, something that can also be a source of anguish and a lack of understanding between the now legally adult and his or her family environment.
These phenomena persist during the final stage of adolescence, post-adolescence, with the characteristic that At this age the capacity to disobey is greater given that more resources are available for this.
10 tips for dealing with a rebellious young man
Facing adolescence and reaching adulthood (legally speaking, at least in our country) can be complicated for both the young person themselves and their parents, and rebellious attitudes may appear. In this sense, below we show you ten tips for dealing with a rebellious 18-year-old.
Now, we must keep in mind that we are talking about rebellious teenagers, not including the presence of aggressive attitudes and domestic violence
1. Establish good communication
Perhaps the most important thing in any type of relationship, and especially one in which there is a certain rebellion and resistance to parental figures, is to establish fluid communication. It is important that this takes into account the possible conflicts that our child may have, and that it is not carried out as an interrogation but as a thorough conversation in which genuine interest is appreciated. It may be useful to approach the young person’s hobbies in order to produce a rapprochement between the two.
2. Give him his space, listen and respect his opinion
Our son or daughter is now 18 years old, and although they still need us in their life, they also need to have their own space. This does not mean that we are not interested in him, but it does mean that we accept that he wants and needs to have privacy.
As with space, the 18-year-old has its own criteria that, although somewhat inexperienced, are still valid and must be respected and taken into account. We must listen to them carefully and without interrupting them: it is about not ignoring their point of view but rather validating and considering it.
3. Be careful with expectations and comparing
Many conflicts can arise due to one’s own demands regarding what the now adult should do. We must understand that We are facing an autonomous person with his own ideas and convictions
It is important not to try to force them to live the life that we would have wanted to live and not require them to meet our expectations or take them on the path that we would have wanted to take. Above all, do not compare them with others: they are valuable beings in their own right, as valid as anyone else.
4. Forbidden to prohibit and overprotect
Prohibiting and censoring without further ado is, especially when there is rebellion, totally counterproductive. In fact, it is likely that what is prohibited is more palatable for the fact of being one and at the same time for contravening the imposed norm. Furthermore, we must take into account that he is of legal age and has the capacity to make his own decisions. We must consider that we must advise and guide him without being a presence that acts through coercion or imposition.
On the other hand, overprotecting our child has negative consequences and also leads to a certain distance, as the young person does not feel validated and observes that he is considered incapable of making his own decisions. As long as certain limits are not exceeded, it is necessary to allow him to experiment and even make mistakes.
5. Set clear boundaries
We have said in the previous point that it is necessary not to prohibit but we must not err on the side of being overpermissive either. We must establish clear, coherent and consistent limits on behavior, which we must keep firm without being seen as coercive.
It is about the actions themselves having consequences and that these are known by the young man. This includes, of course, the treatment given to parents, and the non-acceptance of violent attitudes or degrading treatment.
6. Set an example
An 18-year-old is already perfectly capable of observing when something is said to him while doing the opposite. Thus, we cannot demand from our children something that we do not show them: we need to be able to set an example in such a way that the young person sees a coherence between what is said and what is done. Of course, he is still a different person so we must be careful with the demands and expectations that we have regarding him.
Although it may be difficult, it is necessary to remain calm even in the face of rebellious attitudes and try to understand the adolescent/young person’s point of view. After all, she is facing a much more demanding reality than what she was used to until now, when she has or is about to enter the adult world. Anger, shouting or arguments will generate discomfort and a distancing of positions.
8. Give them a voice and vote
This point is important since it allows, on the one hand, to establish communication and give him a certain autonomy (not in vain is he already a legally adult) and at the same time respect a series of limits. We must give him not only the ability to express his opinion but also to take it into account, with the adult being legally capable of making decisions regarding his own life. It is not about the young man always getting his way but that we are able to negotiate an alternative valid for all in the aspects in which there is no consensus.
9. Reinforces positive behaviors
A common mistake in the transition to the adult world is to focus on what the child does wrong, with the parents’ attitude generally being corrective.
No matter how much we are of age, we all need approval and congratulations for the things we do well. So that It is advisable to reinforce and congratulate achievements of the now legally adult, especially those that are important to him. It is also very useful that all positive behavior is well regarded and receives reinforcement, without criticism or demands.
10. Let him know that you love him
This last point may seem obvious, but it is probably one of the most important: no matter how much our child is already legally an adult, he will now and always need to know that his family will be a supportive nucleus, that loves and appreciates him. regardless of what happens.
