How To Leave Someone: 6 Steps To Manage The Breakup
Many times We experience love relationships as fairy tales that can only have a happy ending. Of course, this belief makes having someone by our side a sweeter experience, but at a very high price.
And when things don’t go well, the frustration can be enormous: the fact of discovering that you are not good with someone produces as much confusion as discomfort, because we simply do not understand that the relationship, as we knew it until now , it no longer has a reason to exist.
That is why there are many times that the simple task of Figuring out how to leave someone becomes a trap that paralyzes us without being able to enjoy our love life and without being able to free ourselves from that relationship.
When love is no longer what it used to be and anxiety grows
Making the decision to end a relationship is always hard, especially if the relationship is long, lasting several years. Furthermore, one of the aspects of the breakup that hurts the most is the fact that It is a unilateral decision: everything depends on oneself, and the consequences of that decision, if they are very bad, will weigh on one’s own conscience.
It’s this fear and this expectation of potential failure which causes many people to remain blocked by the uncertainty of not knowing how to leave someone. Anticipatory anxiety makes the discomfort almost comparable to that which occurs during and just after the breakup, but unlike what would happen in this second scenario, the problem persists and becomes chronic.
The fear of “taking the plunge”, the guilt and pity that cause sadness in the other person, not knowing what day-to-day life will be like without the routine of being next to that person in love… all of this makes It is very easy to procrastinate, not taking the first step, prolonging the discomfort.
Managing a relationship crisis: how to leave someone
Although A breakup is always an anxiety-producing experience and discomfort, these feelings must be managed so that the crisis does not remain entrenched. Going from the idea to the fact correctly is important to go through the breakup phase in the best possible way.
These are the main guidelines to follow to be clear about how to leave someone without the people involved suffering more than would be expected:
1. Give clues
The breakups that are best managed are those that are understood, that is, those that we can integrate well with the knowledge we have about the relationship in which we find ourselves. This also applies, of course, to the person who is “left.” It is very important that you understand well what is happening and for that it is necessary that you know that your partner does not feel good in the relationship, that this information does not come suddenly at the moment of the breakup.
So, when it comes to leaving someone, you have already gained a lot simply by genuinely expressing the discomfort you feel. This establishes precedents that, seen in retrospect, help to understand what has happened.
It is very important that when breaking up with the relationship, the people involved can express their feelings without repressing themselves because they are in a social context. Choosing a bar or restaurant as a place to do this is a very bad idea precisely for this reason: shame and fear of attracting attention They add to the stress that the situation already generates.
3. Don’t skimp on time
Something so important deserves to be explained well and in detail. That is why it is good not to simply give information in one or two sentences; better to have a mini-script prepared with the main ideas to say and their order (do not literally memorize any text).
4. Make the message clear
On the other hand, it is important that the main point of the meeting, the breakup, be communicated clearly and directly without using poetic formulas or constant detours without getting to the topic in question.
5. Don’t blame anyone
Attributing the failure of a relationship to the moment of leaving someone is inadvisable, even if the blame is placed on oneself. If we blame the other person, we make them suffer more than they should and, furthermore, will not be able to extract a valuable lesson to be happier in the future with other people, since that information will not be analyzed as if it were something from which a useful conclusion can be drawn; It will simply be seen as an attack, due to the context and how difficult it is to reason in situations like this.
Furthermore, if it is said that it is one’s own fault, it is very possible that this will be interpreted as an excuse not to have to argue, something that of course does not feel good either.
6. Give support
Some people believe that right after communicating that you want to break up, it is appropriate to act distantly so that the interlocutor does not “get confused” and assumes his new role instantly. This is a mistake and, in fact, it is such a defensive attitude that it reveals one’s own insecurities.
After leaving someone, we must let our feeling of helping others act spontaneously when it comes to comfort the ex-partner, if he or she needs it A hug, a few kind words, and staying by the person’s side for a while is a good idea, unless the person says otherwise or shows no signs of breaking down emotionally. In any case, offering help never hurts.
Consider the option of taking some time
Many times leaving someone is not a decision we are sure of. Love is a very complex feeling and certain crises can be due to circumstantial factors that have nothing to do with exactly what it is like for us to be with a certain person.
In these cases, instead of communicating a definitive breakup, you can choose to take some time. This, in part, is also leaving someone, but leaving a door open to the possibility of returning, and therefore the blow is less. However, you should not decide on this option simply to please the other person; It has to be something that really interests both parties.
