Difference Between Not Being in Love and Mature Love

When does the falling in love phase end? Is that when we talk about love?

Understanding the difference between mature love and not being in love is based on knowing how to differentiate between falling in love and love, mainly. We usually use the two terms interchangeably when we speak colloquially, but the truth is that there is a big difference between them. Perhaps falling in love is the one that we most often find in romantic movies and that we best identify. That phase of passion, excitement and joy for another person when you start a relationship. Most of the time we do not fully see the person’s defects during this phase and it is when we love that we are aware of them and want to continue with that person despite everything.

Fall in love

Relationships are a journey. A path accompanied by another person that we have chosen to have by our side. Not because we need it, but because we want it to be by our side as we walk. In the first phase of the path, we will encounter all the hopes and dreams for something new, that we do not know and that we really want, because it catches our attention. We may not yet know why, but we are attracted to discovering it, it makes us feel good and we want it.

This beginning is marked by the idealization of that person and we demonstrate it with passion. At this point, we have one of the elements – a pillar – for the success of a relationship according to Robert Stenberg’s theory of the love triangle.

Romantic love

The first part of the path does not last forever. It doesn’t have a specific time, it can be six months or a year. But, time passes, we continue walking, and we can choose between: losing the illusion of that love or continuing with it, committing ourselves. If we choose this second option, we will delve into romantic love where intimacy, passion and commitment between the couple play a key role.

The excitement is still burning, although the relationship is much more stable and the passion is reduced to a certain extent to give more importance to other aspects.

mature love

Mature love is found the rest of the way. There are times when mature love lasts a lifetime until our old age, and other times where that mature love does not arrive and the relationship ends after romantic love. This would be the truest phase of the relationship. You already know yourself perfectly and you have had to build it little by little so that respect and resentment do not affect you along the way. In this way, affection, loyalty and sincerity gain a lot of power.

Thinking that mature love is having a person by having them by our side throughout our lives is a mistake. It is not about being with a person because it is good for us, because he helps us or because he is the father of our children. Mature love is what we have chosen to accompany us, not because we need it, nor because it is an ornament in our life, but because we want it to continue being there accompanying us and loving us. However, you must be aware that every road has its bumps and that it will never be like the beginning of the relationship. We are no longer in romantic love or falling in love.

Characteristics of mature love

• Admiration: Admiring means respecting and valuing oneself, whether it be the talents or the way of being of the person who shares their life with us.
• Difficulties: Every person comes with a sentimental backpack of previous relationships and fears. These emotions involve exposure to fears of “will it happen to me again?” with another person that we will have to overcome to make the relationship much stronger.
• Communication: Talking, listening to each other and respecting each other according to each other’s opinions and thoughts is important to be able to go in the same direction.
• Is not perfect: It is not an ideal love, nor a fairy tale, but it makes you happy and it is what matters most to you.
• Doesn’t try to hurt you: Lying or manipulating are terms that are outside of that relationship.

At this point, what phase are you in?