8 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up With Your Partner
If something characterizes the world of love relationships It is his irrational and passionate character. When we fall in love, we gain another way to get excited and experience life intensely, but we also lose a certain ability to make rational decisions. This is due in part to a change in the functioning of our brain when falling in love invades us, something that has meant that love can be understood as something similar to a drug.
Of course, this “loss” of reasoning does not have to be a drama. In many cases, by empathizing with the other person we gain a very valuable second opinion that helps us keep our feet on the ground. However, many times problems arise when it is necessary to take a rational decision about the future of one’s relationship.
In cases where we consider ending our courtships or marriages We are alone, and no matter how much what we are going to do affects the person for whom we feel many things (and very complicated ones), the opinions that really matter are our own. How to make a well-informed decision on the subject?
However, these questions to know if you should break up They can be very helpful to you to reflect on what you feel.
1. Did I come to that person looking for a model of an “ideal partner”?
This question is useful to know if, rather than being with a person of flesh and blood, we have started a relationship with a supposed prototype of the partner we had been looking for, that is, someone who apparently conforms to preconceived ideas of what he or she should be like. that boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, etc. Sometimes, too rigid expectations (which are not high) are more of a problem than a help in our emotional lives.
2. Do I learn from that person?
One of the reasons for a relationship is to feel emotionally, intellectually and even existentially stimulated by the other person. Therefore, before breaking up, it is good to ask yourself if a definitive stagnation has been reached or if it gives us the feeling that it is still possible to continue growing together.
3. Am I considering breaking up because of something that shocks me and I don’t understand?
Sometimes, doubts about whether to cut things off or not arise when something suddenly happens that calls into question everything we thought we knew about the other person (infidelity, for example). It’s worth remembering that there are no natural laws that say “when this happens, it must be broken.” What matters is your perception of those facts, and that is why it is important that if you think you don’t understand something, you give the opportunity for more clarification.
This question is related to the previous one. There are times when, instead of making decisions freely, we react to ideas that we impose on ourselves about our own identity, for no apparent reason beyond having a very delimited and stable self-concept Although it may seem like a lie, sometimes situations occur that, seen from the outside, seem absurd but that those who experience them firsthand take very seriously.
For example, perhaps in the past we promised ourselves that our partners should get along with our friends, because of an extremely romantic vision of things that became a dogma of life.
5. Am I in a toxic relationship?
It is important to take a distant perspective and ask ourselves if we are in a toxic relationship, that is, one in which at least one of the members of the relationship commits some type of abuse against the other. or finds pleasure in making her feel bad
6. Am I in a situation of relative calm?
When considering whether or not to break up with the relationship, it is necessary to make sure that you are not going through a peak of stress. Acute phases of anxiety not only cause us to lose perspective on things, they even markedly influence our ability to memorize events that happen to us, so that we can distort past events so much that we create false memories.
7. Can pressure from others get to me?
In some cases, pressure from other people may push us to have problems with our partner. For example, the refusal of a father or mother to accept the partner for religious reasons, racism, etc. In these cases it must be clear that yes there is a problem, but this is not in the love relationship but in the relationship with those people who pressure from outside.
Sometimes we give a lot of thought to something simply because we start from the idea that everything we think is very questionable and possibly false. Sometimes this leads us to give too much importance to the opinions of others. It is essential to be clear that no one knows a person better than themselves, and therefore the most formed criteria is one’s own, regarding their own life.
