This Is How Self-Deception Leads You To Resignation
Many times, when establishing such a biased and sensational distinction between “successful people” and “losers,” emphasis is placed on the idea that being successful in life is a matter of willpower. As if everything depended on a kind of mysterious energy that springs from our brain (or perhaps from our souls?) and through our actions, it is captured in impressive achievements such as building a multi-million dollar company from scratch or becoming world famous with just upload videos to social networks.
Of course, this way of looking at things doesn’t make sense: there is no “mental energy” behind our ability to strive to have a life worth living. What there is, however, are ways of thinking that influence our chances of getting things to turn out the way we wanted.
For better and for worse, There are certain ways of managing our beliefs and feelings that lead us to self-sabotage or self-motivation and discipline And in this sense, there are those who notice that they do not progress or do anything that adds meaning to their existence because, almost without realizing it, they have entered into a dynamic of resignation driven by self-deception. Let’s see why this happens.
If you’ve come this far, you may have been surprised by the idea that self-deception can be related to resignation. Isn’t it often said that those who adopt a mentality focused on their limitations and what they cannot do are precisely those who see things in a more objective way, without glossing over reality? Well, the truth is that this belief is not very well founded, because… Resignation can become an excuse that we give ourselves to not leave our comfort zone
It may seem counterintuitive to you, but it is not so counterintuitive if we stop to think about it: why would someone who focuses on their limitations have a more objective and realistic perception of things than someone with optimistic beliefs? Aren’t both people subject to the same “mental shortcuts” to which the simple fact of being human beings predisposes us, with brains limited in their information processing capacity?
Since we are emotional beings incapable of perceiving all the data that constantly comes to us at once, we are far from having a truly faithful mental image of what is happening in the world, and that should not worry us. What we should worry about is if we internalize ways of thinking that lead us to a situation of vital stagnation and self-sabotage
Continuing along this line, what is the effect that resignation has on us? Basically, it leads us to assume that we have all the information necessary to know how far our resources and abilities go to achieve something, assuming that in relation to what we would like to achieve, we do not measure up. But this does not mean being wiser, more humble, or having greater restraint when managing our expectations; In fact, it can be an experience that, even though it is bitter, offers us a refuge, a place from which we see justified not leaving, because… For what?
In this sense, Resignation comes easily through the excuses we make for ourselves so as not to experience rejection so as not to go through the uncomfortable situation of trying to learn something new, or to not ask ourselves certain questions about ourselves and what we can achieve.
The importance of distinguishing between resignation and acceptance
The basic idea from which we must start to understand the way in which resignation and self-deception are related is that resignation is not the same as being in a mental state of acceptance. The latter is not to excuse our preference for remaining in a state of stagnation, but rather readjust our expectations while learning things about ourselves and our environment assuming that perfection does not exist and that it is natural to experience a certain degree of discomfort, anguish, or stress.
While resignation is static and offers a false sense of knowledge, acceptance is always dynamic and is capable of keeping us moving to rethink our beliefs and predictions with humility and the desire to learn from mistakes.
Thus, a significant difference between resignation and acceptance is that the former leads us to a state of stagnation based on the avoidance of what we fear, while acceptance predisposes us to value the room for maneuver we have to reformulate our expectations. and our way of life, aspiring to new goals more adapted to what is under our control
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If you want to start attending psychotherapy to improve your emotional management capacity, improve your self-esteem, or simply adopt psychologically healthy lifestyle habits in the face of everyday challenges, contact me.
Am Javier Ares Arranz, General Health Psychologist, and I serve adults, adolescents and couples in crisis; I offer the possibility of conducting face-to-face sessions or online therapy sessions by video call.
