Family Psychological Abuse: 6 Signs With Example Phrases To Identify It

Childhood is a stage that almost all people remember as special. Innocence, care and protection are elements that many people associate with this stage. But… What happens when it is the family environment itself that fosters insecurity and lack of protection?

Unlike physical abuse, psychological violence It does not leave a visible trace and the fact that it occurs within the family environment makes it difficult to recognize. This fact does not mean that the emotional violence It is less harmful, on the contrary, it leaves lasting traces that are difficult to manage and have serious repercussions and their impact can remain until adulthood. Sometimes, growing up with these highly harmful dynamics, we end up normalizing them and even justifying them by minimizing the situation. In fact, many people realize that they lived this type of experience when these dynamics continue even into adulthood.

If you have come this far it is because perhaps you feel guilty for not feeling esteem towards one of your parents or you remember aspects of your childhood that hurt you and that make you doubt whether your father/mother really emotionally abused you in childhood. Enter and discover why it is difficult to identify this type of situation and how to detect if you really experienced this situation with example sentences.

Why are experiences of emotional abuse complicated to identify?

Recognizing and managing that, in fact, one of your parents emotionally abused you as a child is not an easy situation due to various factors. Perhaps, reconsidering this situation, you are feeling guilty for thinking that one of your parents (or both) psychologically abused you. These feelings of guilt and denial end up having a negative impact since when it is not possible to accept a situation (whatever it may be), it is not possible to manage it. Understanding the reason for these feelings can help you accept the situation, free yourself from guilt, and understand yourself better. That said, some of the reasons why you try to deny this experience may be:

• Importance of the family in society: We live in a society that has made us believe that family is a bond that no one should break. It is normal to hear that family comes first and that there is nothing more important that must be maintained. Feeling that you don’t love your own father or mother can be painful and even make us perceive ourselves as bad people. ‘Why don’t we love someone we should love?’, ‘Why should I break something that in theory is the most precious thing I have?’… This fact can force us to feel attached to some figure when even It still does not provide us with love. This ends up leading the person to hide what happened (or happens) above all else, considering that the family comes before oneself, even when it is a source of suffering.
• Normalization of violence within the family context: The abuse in the family environment have been widely normalized over many decades, conceiving, for example, punishment with violence as a natural part of parenting. In fact, the first campaigns to raise awareness of violence in this environment appeared recently, specifically in the last century. Therefore, there are many people who still perceive certain practices as “normal” and necessary for raising a child, reproducing this style from generation to generation. This ultimately ends up having an impact on how we perceive the treatment we receive in childhood, considering as “normal” certain practices that are actually violent and harmful.

Signs and phrases of psychological abuse:

The abusive parents emotionally their own children have a main characteristic and that is that they are not capable of managing their own emotions and, sometimes, it is common for them to have suffered traumatic experiences and/or losses in childhood that they have not been able to process. The point is that these difficulties mean that when they see their own child feeling emotions that they themselves do not know how to manage, they perceive them as a provocation towards their emotional integrity. Therefore, contact generates anxiety in them and they channel it through hostile and rejection behaviors such as, for example, the following:

1. They invalidate emotions: When faced with any emotional response from the child, the father and/or mother acts by invalidating their emotions. Even on certain occasions, when the child responds to hostile behavior, they invalidate her emotional response. Invalidating means that they deny or avoid the other’s emotions by imitating in a pejorative way when the child expresses himself or with phrases such as, for example: ‘Are you really crying about that?’, ‘That has no importance’. , ‘Nothing can be said to you’, ‘You don’t need to act like this’, ‘You’re too sensitive’, ‘And why are you crying now?’, ‘What an exaggeration!’, ‘Don’t distract me with nonsense’ , etc.
2. They shout and threaten: They tend to lose control of their own emotions and usually manage them through shouting or threats. They do not know how to resolve situations and the only way they can make the child obey them and respect them is by yelling at them or threatening them by hitting objects, breaking them, raising their voice, etc. They use phrases such as, for example, ‘Stop crying or I will give you a reason to really cry’, ‘Shut up or I will shut you up’, etc.
3. They blame: In relation to the above, when they lose control of their own emotions, they tend to blame the child for their lack of emotional regulation; it is not they who have not been able to manage their emotions, but it is the child who “has made” them get like this. For example: ‘Look how you make me wear…’, ‘I had a bad day because of you’, ‘Because of you I had to break your favorite toy’, ‘Don’t tell your mother/father that I yelled at you because Then we argued because of you’…
4. They compare: They constantly criticize and compare the child with other children or family members. ‘You should be as intelligent as…’, ‘Your brother/sister doesn’t give me so many problems’, etc. These are phrases that they often use.
5. They undervalue and humiliate: They do not recognize any achievement, they tend to despise any interest considering it to be nonsense, making them believe they are incapable of doing it or highlighting the times they failed. ‘You’re just failing’, ‘I don’t understand how you’re not able to do this, you look stupid’, ‘You’re not going to be able to’, ‘Why do you want to do that?’ It’s useless’, ‘What you’re saying is so stupid’, ‘You’ll make a fool of yourself’, etc.
6. They make gaslighting (or Gashlighting): Gaslighting (or gas light ) is a term that is normally linked to relationships. However, it is a type of emotional abuse that can also occur in the family context. In this case, the parent aims to alter the child’s perception by making him/her believe that what he/she has heard, feels or believes is false. This ends up causing people to have doubts about what they experienced, whether everything is an invention, an exaggeration, etc., even in adulthood. Examples: ‘I never said that’, ‘You’re crazy’, ‘You’re remembering everything wrong’, ‘It was you who yelled at me, not me’, ‘No one understands you’, ‘You’ll have to go to the doctor because you’re very sick’. bad in the head’, ‘Stop imagining things’, etc.

He emotional abuse It leaves various consequences on a psychological level, such as, for example, low self-esteem, difficulties in emotional regulation, problems in interpersonal relationships, etc. and it is even a risk factor for the development of different psychological disorders. However, recognizing that we have experienced this situation can help us manage guilt and be able to take the step of asking for help from a professional. Remember that if you have experienced this type of situation in childhood, it was not your fault, the adult was responsible for managing his emotions and helping you regulate yours. The consequences of this type of experiences in childhood are usually complicated to manage, if you feel that this type of situation continues to affect you, do not hesitate to seek help from a professional.