Regret is a feeling that causes discomfort in the subject, and occurs when the subject is aware that they did something wrong and that prompts them to act to amend the situation and reduce bad feelings.
Likewise, there are different types of regret depending on the cause that generates them. We will talk about repentance. Understanding its characteristics is key to properly managing this feeling and the emotions associated with it. Therefore, in this article We will see what types of regret exist and how to deal with this feeling.
Repentance consists of the feeling of discomfort that appears when a subject is aware that he or she has done something wrong Recognition can be linked to the performance or omission of action, as well as to improper thinking. It is important to emphasize that the subject feels responsible for the events, feeling bad about it.
In this way, the discomfort is due to reprehensible behavior done in the past for which the individual now feels guilty. On the other hand, It is believed that the word repentance means “change of mind” in the sense of being able to modify the perspective with which we perceive things or the situation and thus be able to realize that we are not acting well. This change in perspective is linked at the same time to a change in behavior; if the subject is aware and does not like how he acts, he will try to amend her harm and will not repeat it again.
As we have seen, the regret experienced is something that makes us uncomfortable and that arises from something that we would prefer not to have done or to have done differently. Still, this It is the most direct way to learn not to repeat those actions to avoid negative emotions in the face of these errors.
The concept of repentance appears in different religions linked to sin, that is, it is related to acting against a divine law. In this way, different religions affirm that we must repent of sins and change the course of our lives, that is, embrace a completely different path guided by God. On the other hand, the existentialist current conceives repentance as a need or desire to go back in order to remedy, change, an action where we act against our principles or beliefs.
Another area where the term repentance appears is in criminal law ; When the guilty party accepts the crime, confesses and is cooperative, he is granted special treatment, being more lenient towards him and sentencing him to the minimum sentence. The final intention shown by repentance in the criminal field is to obtain the subject’s confession and receive new information that can help in the case.
Finally, in the field of neurology, which is responsible for the study of the brain, through the functional magnetic resonance technique (which is used to study brain functioning) it has been observed that the regions most involved and that show more activity when the subject feels sorry are the orbitofrontal cortex, which is related to decision making, the anterior cingulate gyrus, which is part of the limbic system linked to emotions, and the hippocampus, which is the main region related to memory.
Differences between remorse and regret
Although sometimes, if the differences are not known, these terms can be used interchangeably, they are not really synonyms and we must learn to distinguish them to know when it is appropriate to use each one.
In the case of remorse, the individual feels bad for what he did, but does nothing to remedy it ; On the other hand, in the case of repentance, it is not enough to just feel bad about what we have done or not done, but we will try to find a solution to the situation. In other words, it will be necessary to make a change to consider that the subject is truly sorry. .
The main types of regret
Now that we know what is meant by regret, it is easier to understand that everyone will feel this sensation or discomfort at some point since we do not always act as we should or as would be most appropriate. Of course, it is likely that there are people who do not recognize regret because they are not aware of having done anything wrong, which, as we said, is an important point to show this feeling. Let’s see what types of repentance exist.
Regret due to indecision refers to the negative feelings that appear when we miss a good opportunity In this specific case, we will talk about lack of action, that is, the subject loses a good opportunity for not having acted, due to fear or for another reason. Thus the individual will feel regret for not having carried out the pertinent behavior and having missed the opportunity.
This type of regret became linked to saying “No” when we really wanted to say “Yes.” On this occasion, taking risks, as long as they are controlled, lead to less discomfort.
2. Regret for being able to do better
In this type of regret, the subject feels bad for not having given 100% or for having done better In this case the thoughts are typical: “she could have been a better friend”, “she could have been a better wife/husband” or “she could have been a better mother/father”. Due to the definition of this lament, it is common for it to appear when the subject is older and sees her death imminent.
This regret is common, since people tend to compare ourselves and want to be the best in the different functions we perform. In addition, there is also a tendency to value oneself negatively and compare oneself with a perfection that does not exist. This way, there will always be something we could have done better and for which we might feel regret.
3. Moral repentance
Moral repentance, as its name indicates, The discomfort is linked to an act or non-act that goes against what is morally acceptable or morally correct This type of regret makes us feel bad for having harmed another person, whether because we have lied to them, taken advantage of them, defrauded them, among others. Behaviors that go against our goodness as a person, relating to malice.
You may be interested: “Lawrence Kohlberg’s theory of moral development”
4. Relationship regret
Relationship or connection regret appears when the subject feels bad for having lost or damaged the relationship with a loved one, with someone who was important to him; That is, it is normally due to distancing from close family or friends.
As is obvious throughout our lives we will distance ourselves from or lose relationships with some subjects, a fact that in the long run can lead to bad feelings for not having done the right thing or not having cared for the relationship enough.
How to deal with regret?
So, as we have already mentioned, regret is a feeling that we all have at some point, for this reason it is useful to know how we can deal with it and try to reduce the discomfort. When faced with regret, the appropriate response, and one that is truly functional, is to make a change and try to fix the situation, although it is true that it will not be possible to make the change on all occasions.
In this way, we must first assess whether an action can be taken to modify the situation or not, that is, whether the door is minimally open or completely closed. All is not always lost and sometimes we can amend our decision or behavior.
For example, we can offer ourselves as candidates for a job that we had previously passed up, we can try to recover the relationship with the person with whom we lost contact, and we can try to make amends for our bad actions that harmed another individual.
Regret is a normal feeling that can act as an activator to improve our state or situation. Feeling regret in adulthood, when this feeling should already be developed, is a sign of being mentally healthy. On the contrary, the absence could be related to some type of psychological pathology.
In addition, We can use this discomfort as a way to solve the situation, to not make mistakes or not miss an opportunity in the future May the memory of this feeling help us reflect and know how to act in new situations that may arise. Sometimes we need to be a little brave to achieve our goals and achieve well-being.
