Thanks to greater social awareness, more and more abused women dare to raise their voices, seek help and get it through an extensive support network, made up of friends, family and specialists in gender violence.
However, there is still much to do. Know How to help an abused woman is not a simple or delicate task, running the risk that, despite good intentions, the situation will get even worse. Below we will see ways to address this problem.
So far in 2020, there have been 34 femicides in Spain. This figure, unfortunately, will increase taking into account the forced confinement, causing many abused women to live 24/7 with their abusers. The fact is not at all flattering if we take into account that, throughout their lives, 10% of women are abused by their partners, translating into 2 million women in Spain. Of all abused women, only 30% dare to report it.
Abuse, whether physical or verbal, has a profound impact. Unfortunately, At least at first, the abused woman is usually not able to see clearly the situation she is in, despite the fact that he is well aware of all the pain he is suffering. She needs a push, from a family member or a close loved one, to make her see the light at the end of the tunnel, get her away from her abuser and take the appropriate legal measures. The process that leads them to recover their self-esteem, their value as what they are, human beings with their rights and desires, is slow, but not impossible.
In abusive relationships there are a whole relationship of dominance and submission A relationship in which it requires a lot of courage to rebel against the man but also a lot of support to ensure that this rebellion is not the last thing he does in life. Getting out of this dynamic is not easy and, almost always, entails risks, especially when there are physical attacks involved. Furthermore, the victim himself may refuse to break with the dynamic, out of fear of what will happen to her children or because he believes that, in reality, his partner is going to change.
How does mistreatment arise?
In most cases, abuse does not begin with a beating. They begin with controlling behaviors, evolving to the violation of privacy and, at a more advanced stage, to physical and psychological abuse, along with isolation from friends and family.
One should not fall into the idea that the abused woman really saw it coming, but allowed the abuse to continue It happens like the metaphor of the boiled frog: if you put a frog in a hot pot, it will jump, but if you have put it in warm water and have been heating the water until it boils, it will stay there.
But despite the damage, when the relationship has evolved into much more, all the abuse seems to fade away when the boyfriend or husband, repentant, tells him in a sweet tone that he is sorry. Although this does not at all compensate for what she has done, the woman, physically and mentally kidnapped, forgives her executioner, blaming herself for treating her badly.
How to identify an abused woman?
While abuse is not something that should be taken lightly, much less blaming any man for domestic violence, it is There are a series of indicators that can warn us that a sister, friend or acquaintance needs help
First, there is a change in his personality. If she does not express her needs, always gives in to what her partner tells her, appears very submissive in her presence, or we have noticed that since she has been dating him there is something different about her, as if she had turned off, we have reasons to suspect. A very striking warning is when they say that to do anything, especially with their friends, they need to ask their partner if it’s okay. It is an indicator that your decision making is determined by the dominance of your boyfriend or husband.
Clothing also tells us if something is not right If before going out with her new partner our friend or acquaintance was very careful with how she was dressed, being elegant and very lively, but now she seems to be more covered up and less striking, it could mean that her partner does not like how she used to dress. . She may have made a comment like “You won’t go out dressed like that,” “If you love me, you won’t go like that to provoke other men,” etc.
Finally, if we are not able to stay with her much, it may indicate that her partner is not letting her go out. If, on top of that, he doesn’t see her family either and we know that he was very close to her, there are enough reasons to address the issue. Furthermore, the few times we have had the opportunity to see her, we have noticed her very subdued, sad, with anxious symptoms.
If we see a bruise, although it does not necessarily mean that your partner is mistreating you, it is a warning sign. This is especially the case if she says phrases like “I’m very absent-minded, I fell” or “I hit the door.” It could happen, of course, but The feeling of guilt is also a sign that you have suffered abuse blaming herself for how her husband has treated her.
Intervention with the victim of abuse
Women who are abused need to understand, first of all, Why have they not been able to escape from this mistreatment on their own or have avoided it? There are many myths about abuse, the most painful and unfair being the one that says that the women who suffer it have actually tolerated it. This is not the case, since no one in their right mind would want to live through hell every day.
These people usually need a professional to help them understand how this phenomenon of forgiving the unforgivable occurs to those who believe they love them They need someone to allow them to understand why every now and then they fell on that honeymoon that came after the storm. They need to be listened to, without prejudice on the part of the professional.
The emotional expression of the woman who is the victim of abuse is as important as the emotional management and reception by the professional which will help her understand herself, working to eliminate the feeling of guilt and understand that she is the victim, and she never deserved that treatment.
Self-esteem is a very important aspect during therapy with victims of domestic violence, in addition to making them rethink their life and make future plans. Feeling fully capable and autonomous without your executioner. This process is not easy, of course, given that it will require several factors to take into account, such as the severity of the case, the duration of the abuse, the personal abilities of the victim, the family and social support network, among others. many.
AND In relation to the family and social support network, friends and relatives are a fundamental aspect, almost as important as psychotherapy, for the abused woman to move forward. Many times, it is these relationships who notice that something is not going well, and decide to act. The problem, as we already said, is that you must be especially careful, given that the abused woman may be in serious danger.
The first thing you should let him know is that he has us at his side We must tell them that we are here for whatever they need, and that if they have any problems, they should give us a call. She may not recognize the situation, but she will already know, from the beginning, that she has someone who supports her and with whom she can talk if she wants. We have given him a step to give him the opportunity to get out of her situation. As a result of this, if there is the opportunity to be alone with her, we will be giving her the opportunity to talk, in detail, about what is happening to her.
It is very important, if you see that she begins to isolate herself, saying more and more that she is busy or that she cannot, insist on staying, or keep calling her On many occasions we will have to tell him things that he will not like to hear, always in private and without his partner being around. This is difficult, but we will have some opportunity to be alone and explain how we can help her live happily. The clearest sign that there may be abuse is when she tells us that she is afraid of leaving her partner, because of what she might go through.
It must be highlighted throughout the process that As family and friends, we are not experts You should try to take it to a women’s association, contact professionals on the subject who will recommend the steps to follow for the specific case, in addition to applying the necessary protocols to prevent the situation from getting worse. These experts in gender violence are the ones who know how to prevent a case of abuse from becoming another number that feeds the terrible number of femicides.
