My interest in sexology dates back to my childhood Obviously, I didn’t have it identified with a specific name, but to me, all the processes of sexuality seemed fascinating. I must have been almost a nightmare for my mother, with all the questions she asked her and many times she would answer anything. The first thing that came to mind.
I once got slapped for expressing my doubts related to sex out loud. There, my mother, rather than telling me the first thing that came to mind, simply reacted automatically. For her, The whole topic of sex and sexuality had always been taboo
I have never felt special interest in the forbidden, but I have in the unknown. My curiosity has often gotten the better of me, and by the time I fully realized what was happening, I had already succumbed to curiosity. This, despite almost always feeling intense fear. But not enough to stop me.
I have been working in the field of sexology since 1982. During all this time, I have heard thousands of stories about my patients’ sexual lives. Sometimes, When they ask me about it, I usually answer that I am worth more for what I keep quiet than for what I tell It’s true.
My first job as a psychologist was in a juvenile prison, and there I was in charge of inmates accused of sexual crimes. I chained this one with another job in a prison for adult men and women. I took advantage of this experience to write my bachelor’s thesis, which was the result of a research study with men and women who were prostitutes in the enormous Mexico City.
Every week I receive patients with stories that may seem implausible for the ordinary citizen. I never tire of saying that reality (in my experience) is stranger than fiction. I have heard the testimony of hundreds of patients with paraphilias. It seems that there are as many types of paraphilias, or more, as there are people.
I have developed an important part of my work to help patients suffering from sex addiction. Thanks to them, I have verified that fantasy is capable of generating an altered state of consciousness This produces a certain comfort in the person’s mind and they want to settle in and escape from their reality. In the case of substance use, it is the effect of those substances that produces the altered state of consciousness. It is also possible to generate an altered state of consciousness through sexual fantasy.
The need for sexual education and training
Consultation work includes the remedy of suffering due to sexual issues, as well as the optimization of pleasure. The need for sexual education is a constant. Almost all people have received sexual education and it has been bad. Unconsciously, adults, parents, educators, etc., continually and repeatedly emit messages, that sex is something bad, sinful, dirty, indecent vulgar…
Genitals often symbolize all possible sexual activity between humans and in most families touching them is prohibited. Many times it is also prohibited to show and see them. In Western societies in general, they are hidden and even censored.
All of this, combined with other aspects, causes confusion, pressure and problems in people who are forced to ask for professional sexological help. The most common reasons for consultation are male dysfunctions (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anaejaculation…) and female dysfunctions (anorgasmia, vaginismus, dyspareunia…).
Therapy due to lack of sexual desire is a constant complaint by individuals and couples. Due to problems derived from paraphilias or sex addiction there may also be a need for sexological help. What to say about victims of sexual abuse.
Being a sexologist is fascinating and there is not a week in which I do not find something that surprises me: a new challenge. It is extremely comforting to be able to help patients who come with any sexual or relationship problem. It is satisfying to see that when a patient wants, it is possible to help him solve his problem and make him happier.
A person who is professionally dedicated to sexological consultation usually a psychologist or doctor In addition, she has completed specialization in sexology and sexological therapy through a master’s course or similar. It is a profession that requires continuous updating, since there is more and more information and ways to solve sexual problems. Attending conferences is important to interact with other sexologists and learn about the latest advances.
The activist side of the profession
As a sexology professional it is also important to carry out dissemination work, either by participating in educational campaigns or teaching classes. Another important aspect is activism in defense of sexual rights
Personally, I have had the opportunity to work on a monitoring committee for the respect of sexual rights in the world through the WAS. This may include participating in campaigns in which thousands of messages and emails are sent to certain governments or institutions. It’s about letting them know that we are watching them and putting pressure on them to respect the sexual rights of a specific person.
Let us remember that, for example, in a number of countries the rights of women or those of the LGTBI community are not being respected. Through this type of action we have managed to stop the squandering of some specific women or the release of gay men imprisoned for their sexual orientation.
Two stories that mark
If I had to tell the stories that have impacted me the most, I would highlight one or two, but there are many more. The first one happened at my first job, in the juvenile prison There I met a 16-year-old minor who had strangled his father. When he told me his story, I could only empathize with him.
According to what he said, one day he was playing in the street with some friends, very close to his house. Then his father, who was passing by and was in a deep state of drunkenness, saw him having fun and, beating him, took him back home. When he got there, his father began to mistreat his wife and daughters, to the point of trying to rape one of his minor children.
Then the 16-year-old boy, remembering the many times he had mistreated them and the times he had raped his sisters, felt very angry and rushed towards his father, strangling him. He assured that he had no regrets and that he would do it again if it meant that his mother and his sisters would stop suffering. If only the suffering would stop there! His eyes flashed and widened with rage as he told me his story. I remember it like it was yesterday.
The other case that I would highlight also has elements of violence, but it has a series of ingredients that should be remembered. It was a 20-year-old boy who came to the consultation immersed in anxiety and having suffered some panic attacks. He was about to leave Spain for an Erasmus program, and was worried about having these problems there too. His story is moving.
He told me that he was very afraid of feeling sexual attraction towards his dog… After in-depth therapeutic work, I discovered that the boy was actually gay and that, when he was little, his father tortured him in a peculiar way.
When the son did not obey, the father beat the dog, which was the worship of the minor: He empathized with the dog and suffered when he saw how his father mistreated his beloved pet. She was on the verge of suffering a psychotic break, which fortunately could be stopped. Among the causes of his condition was an extremely strict, controlling and punitive upbringing.
Obviously, professional experience greatly helps in training. I feel lucky to have been studying and dedicating myself to sexology for decades.
