Marc Auge, a French philosopher, refers to places and non-places, referring to them as different ways of perceiving the same space. The author defines the seconds as an interchangeable space where the human being remains anonymous.
When a subject arrives at a new space, for whatever reason, motivated by desire or by a state of force majeure, he or she, in principle, fails to appropriate that space.
Lately, these types of topics come to psychological consultations. Thanks to the opportunities of a globalized world and new technologies, people who are thinking about emigrating and want to take the leap in the safest way possible (or that they did) they encounter new emotions along the way, often difficult to manage in the solitude of distance.
Today, migratory movements have changed rapidly and, unlike our ancestors, we tend to do so without extended family; grandparents, parents, siblings. Instead, we do them alone, with a partner, children. In this process we encounter an accumulation of diverse emotions. The polarity of sadness and joy that can be felt for having emigrated and having left the country of origin can be difficult to integrate, since perhaps our tendency is to want to feel joy and leave sadness aside, to separate them.
On this roller coaster we can often feel that we are going to die, that we can’t take it anymore, that the challenges are bigger than the resources we have. Then we revive, we recover faith and hope to perhaps fall again, and in that fall and rise, die and revive, we can learn a lot about ourselves. Each person has their internal battles when emigrating; Perhaps what for someone may be something very simple, for another may represent a great challenge.
Fears protect us, of course, but if poorly cared for they limit us. When you don’t pretend that they don’t exist and you don’t repress it, it is in that fearful advance that the resources that will lead you to discover a new facet of ourselves will begin to unfold.
Because Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is fear walking.
Regarding the recurrence of migratory grief
When we have already adjusted to the new country, the new city, culture, in some cases languages, when we manage to feel comfortable in the new space, it often happens that some triggers connect us again with grief.
It is common for it to appear in the face of facts or events that are important to the migrant, facilitated today by access to technology; moments in which the distance between your country of origin and the current one becomes more fleshed out. Sundays can be days where recurrence appears, birthdays, weddings, Christmas, an illness of a family member or friend. In the same way that a duel is updated. Recurrence does not imply that there is suffering; It may hurt, but you don’t necessarily have to suffer.
The demands on grief
Among the mandates, there is the call to “improvement.” But there’s nothing to overcome, Life abroad is not about something you leave behind. It is a movement that can be deeply expansive for the individual and family soul. We do not talk about failures or successes, we talk about experiences, about a life that makes sense, according to the process.
Some experiences will enrich you, others will make you doubt, others will invite you to question the reasons for your decision. We revisit the decision again and again, from a different perspective. And emigrating implies walking with the illusion of certainty, holding the hand of fear. The decision to emigrate is not an irrevocable commitment.
Many times we fall into the demand of wanting things to happen immediately. In excessive demand, there is a part of us that is activated, demanding but not immediately, sometimes nothing is enough and complaint sets in, displacing gratitude.
Being benevolent with our history, with what we are and with our own processes, will be an aspect that will facilitate adaptation. We are not machines that press a button and immediately develop skills to understand a new way of seeing the world in that country where we arrive. It is interesting to ask ourselves the question of where we take ourselves to punishing extremes when we are in a learning process.
Making peace with ourselves is urgent. There is already too much pain out there. The experience that comes from emigrating is a non-transferable process…
If you have not emigrated yet or, if you have already done so and need to share it or think you need help with it, I will accompany you in the process.
