Self-love shows the relationship you have with yourself It includes, therefore, the degree to which you like yourself, the extent to which you reward yourself, trust in your abilities, and accept yourself as a person.
Loving yourself or having self-love goes beyond good self-esteem. When you have self-love, you achieve a balance between your emotional state and your self-esteem.
Ask yourself for a moment: are you your friend or your enemy? Do you treat your friends or partner the same way you treat yourself? Do you suffer from any psychological problems such as anxiety, depression or emotional dependence?
Unfortunately, the lack of self-love is a common evil these days There are all kinds of psychological problems at all ages, and when this self-love is completely absent, it is common for suicidal thoughts to appear. This makes us see the great importance of loving each other, treating us with the affection and respect with which we would treat a good friend, even more so if we go through a bad time.
The good news is that this is not an irremediable problem, and lack of self-love has a solution Below, I offer a series of tips to avoid boycotting it and activate it.
5 ways to self-boycott
Let’s first look at several processes through which your self-esteem worsens.
1. Self-punishment and emotional dependence
When you love yourself, you learn from your mistakes and you encourage yourself to continue, you don’t beat yourself up with a whip, blaming yourself and torturing yourself for how much you made mistakes. That will not make you learn more, but rather destroy you little by little. If you make a mistake, at least you tried, you are brave.
It is as important to make mistakes as it is to celebrate your successes and feel proud of yourself, when achieving a goal and for example, celebrating it and rewarding yourself. I recommend that you not make the mistake of depending on others to obtain positive feedback, but rather see it as an extra to your own self-recognition. Take charge of yourself and not put that responsibility entirely on others.
2. Self-criticism and complaint
When you love yourself, you talk to yourself in a friendly tone and When it comes to criticizing yourself, you do it in a constructive and not destructive way We cannot avoid going through situations that we do not like or difficulties, but we can change the way we react to them.
I recommend that you accept the situation and think about what a good friend would say to you about what you consider you have done wrong. Also, become aware of how you speak to yourself so as not to give rise to self-insult, constant complaining and that torturing voice that may be in you.
3. Self-distrust
When you love yourself, you pay attention to getting to know yourself, with curiosity and patience, and you have a vision of how far you think you can go, setting goals that you believe are in line with your ability.
This does not mean that you are always right, but that if you have difficulties, you learn from the mistake and readjust your objective. You try and live moments that can enrich your life, without running real danger. Remember that trust makes perfect If you distrust yourself, it is likely that you are focusing on the error and, consequently, you are running away from goals that you can achieve.
We have qualities that define us and we use to describe our physique, our personality and our behavior. When you love yourself, you accept its qualities and you are free from those cultural and subjective standards, such as beauty. You know that each person is different, neither better nor worse. What you are looking for is to feel good about yourself, because each person has their own rhythms and attributes that make them who they are.
If you frequently compare yourself to others, whether to win or lose, you probably feel like you’re on a roller coaster ride depending on what those around you are like or what fashion dictates.
5. Narcissism and hatred
Contrary to popular belief, love has limits, both towards oneself and towards others There must be a balance between what you love yourself and what you love others. When there is an imbalance due to an excess of self-love and a deficit of love for others, narcissism and hatred arise.
The person with narcissism believes himself to be superior or better than others (egolatry), he thinks he has more rights than others (egoism) and believes that everything revolves around him (egocentrism). When you love yourself, you end up distancing yourself from people with narcissism, seeking generosity, assertiveness and reciprocity.
3 steps to love you and keep him active
Now that we know what may be affecting you from not having good self-love, let’s see what steps to take to improve it on a daily basis.
1. Live a pleasant moment
You may already be having some and they are going unnoticed, so it’s important to pay attention. I recommend you start with something simple. Some examples might be: listening to a song you like, singing and dancing (no matter how you do it), savoring a meal, or taking a relaxing bath. Remember that just as you treat others well, you also deserve to treat yourself well
An idea might be to give it a duration of at least one minute and focus all your senses on that time that you enjoy.
3. Remember that pleasant moment
You can save it in your memory, share it with friends and even write it I invite you to make a note with each experience, achievement, strength or moment of splendor, and keep them in what will be “the little jar of good memories.” This way you can continue discovering your path to happiness.
Author: Belén González García, Health Psychologist member of the Mentavio team. Psychologist from the Complutense University of Madrid, with health and collegiate qualification M-28477, Expert in Brief Strategic Therapy Psychotherapy on the Palo Alto Path and with a Master’s Degree in Eating Behavior Disorders and Obesity from the UEM.
