Adolescence And Pandemic: What To Do To Avoid Being Overwhelmed Parents
If, in general terms, parenting is a complex activity, we know that The adolescent stage involves a series of complications that, in times of pandemic, can still be aggravated by limitations on leisure and restrictions that some families try to impose.
The first thing we can point out is that risk perception is subjective, that is, each person can perceive and interpret dangers with a subjective and personal scale that can be very different in some cases and in others. It seems that the adolescent stage is characterized by having a low risk awareness in the face of supposed dangers.
It is also very important to say that at the present time there are many young people who have absolutely responsible behavior and are aware of not endangering older people or those who may be more vulnerable to a COVID-19 infection, but this is not the case in all cases. cases.
This perception of risk can generate family conflicts when imposing rules, schedules and contact limitations in social groups Of relationship. Therefore, it is important to generate a dialogue supported by arguments, including data, to accompany the norms or criteria that are intended to be imposed.
Raising adolescents in the context of the pandemic: how to set limits?
It is important that we keep in mind that adolescence is a stage in which there is usually a tendency to vindication, rebellion as a way to achieve autonomy and differentiation from parents Boys and girls of these ages need to experience their own decision-making and rebellion to a greater or greater extent than the norms that they want to impose on themselves. Although this trait is expected, it is advisable that it occurs within acceptable limits.
To propose some aspects that serve as a guide for families, we are going to detail the factors that are important to take into account when establishing effective criteria and guidelines within the family.
1. Coherence and congruence between what is said and what is done
Sometimes it is intended that an indication such as “what you have to do is…” be followed, but adults behave differently and with arbitrary criteria that are not the same as those required. This weakens the arguments is a clear invitation not to comply with the demands since it downplays their importance. If fathers and mothers do something else, a comparative grievance is created since their guidelines are based on the power they believe they have towards their sons and daughters.
2. Make a common front
In many families, it is perfectly known which of the parents is stricter and which is more permissive, or there is a well-organized misdirection strategy that allows, while mom and dad argue to reach an agreement, the kids get their way, for that “a troubled river, fishermen gain.”
It is very important that there is a common front, that there is the necessary dialogue between parents without transcending the details and only communicating the result regarding the agreed permits.
3. Explain the rules from responsibility
It is important that rules are followed and enforced, and this is often easier when they are understood.
Explaining the reasons, arguing the decision is usually an element that helps to comply and understand the criteria, in addition to distancing them from an arbitrary or capricious decision.
When the time comes to impose a punishment, sanction or limit rights, due to non-compliance with any of the criteria, it is important not to get carried away by the impulse of immediate anger.
It is not good to jump in with a barrage of punishments, sanctions and limitations, in the midst of anger and seething anger, so that, after a few hours or days, you turn back and not even half of what was said is fulfilled.
This variation in criteria also takes away authority from fathers and mothers, makes them appear inconsistent in front of their adolescents and weakens them. It is better to take some time, think about it, agree on it between father and mother and communicate it jointly and calmly. Additionally, it is better to frame the idea as consequences and not so much as punishment.
5. Presence of both parents in dialogues about important or significant situations
This aspect is similar to what we have explained before, but not exactly the same. Some decisions need to be communicated jointly, whenever possible, because this gives them the importance and forcefulness necessary for it to be perceived that way and prevents the effect of trying to find the gaps in the particular points of view of each parent.
6. Understand without attacking and without being vulnerable
This point must be expanded further. We cannot impose any criteria or rules on our adolescents without showing the capacity for empathy and understanding and, at the same time, without attacking or belittling them.
Respect is not only a basic, but a primary ingredient in any human relationship. You cannot expect respect if you do not show respect, which is why it is essential not to attack, insult, or belittle. It is better to understand and empathize, but without doubting the norm that you want to establish and without showing doubts or vulnerability.
Concluding
It is evident that these elements do not constitute an infallible recipe, but we are incorporating essential ingredients to improve the effectiveness of communication and education and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the pressure that this great task entails. Good luck with it!
