Anticipatory Grief: What It Is, Causes, Symptoms And How To Manage It
Death is mysterious. We do not know what is on the other side, although we do know that it happens in an instant, in the blink of an eye a person may have stopped living.
There are deaths that take us by surprise, that we did not expect at all and that cause us all kinds of unknowns, feelings and thoughts, experiences all of which will make up the mourning of that loss, more intense if it is due to the death of a loved one. .
However, there are cases in which deaths are practically announced, especially if the person who is believed to die soon is very ill or suffers from a terminal condition.
In these cases, family members and even the patient themselves begin to get used to the idea that the end is approaching, and they prepare for such an experience. They experience anticipatory mourning, mourning for a person who is still alive.. Let’s look in more depth at what the particularities of this type of grief are.
Anticipatory grief is the process that some people go through before the death of a loved one occurs or their death is confirmed. There are various circumstances that indicate and predict that sooner or later a loved one, such as a family member, a partner or a friend, is going to die.
Thus, we can say that it is like conventional mourning, only instead of occurring after the death of a loved one, it is done knowing that this event is close to occurring.
The emotions that occur during anticipatory grief can be as intense as those experienced in grief due to a recent and sudden loss. The difference here is that People who experience it can better prepare for the death of their loved onemanage the emotions it provokes and also settle pending issues by taking advantage of the time your loved one has left, such as asking for forgiveness for past mistakes or spending time together and remembering happy moments.
As a general rule, this type of duel appears in the following two cases.
Terminally ill loved one
The most common scenario in which anticipatory grief appears is when a loved one suffers from a chronic and terminal illness, such as certain types of cancer, multiple sclerosis or Alzheimer’s. The doctors and other caregivers of the patient have already informed the family that the patient will die in a matter of time..
It is thanks to this that relatives begin to work through the loss, or at least some aspects of the loss, before the death occurs.
Disappearances and major accidents
The second case, and this is not so common, is when a loved one disappears under strange or violent circumstances, and It is not certain whether she is still alive or not..
The family, although they have not lost hope, anticipates that somehow the person has already died, and they try to come to terms with the idea of that possibility. This is the case of disappearances and large accidents (e.g. air disasters, ship sinkings…) in which it takes time to know the total number of victims.
Emotions experienced in anticipated grief
Grief is not experienced in the same way for everyone, but it turns out to be an experience with particularities and unique experiences related to aspects such as the relationship with the deceased, the individual characteristics of the mourner and, also, how traumatic the death was. .
In the case of anticipatory grief, this is even more diverse, something that is evident in the fact that We cannot speak of unique and universal phases in this case as is suggested in cases of conventional mourning..
Among the main emotions and thoughts that occur throughout anticipatory grief we find:
Advantages and disadvantages of anticipatory grief
Anticipatory grief arises as preparation for what is inevitably going to happen.. Even if one prepares psychologically for the death of a loved one, it is difficult for it not to end up having an impact when the time comes, but luckily if there has been prior preparation it helps to make the grief after death more bearable, the emotions it awakens are better. managed and there is less risk of long-term emotional consequences.
We can highlight a series of advantages of experiencing early grief:
Acknowledge the reality of the loss gradually.
Resolve pending issues and unfinished business now that time is running out.
Change aspects of yourself, give value to the present and enjoy the time that remains.
Prepare for the loss with progressive emotional detachment and the opportunity to express emotions.
Plan the future that still remains for that person.
However, Some authors also consider that anticipated grief can bring with it certain inconveniences. If not properly managed:
It causes exaggerated worry.
Loss is anticipated before it occurs, which can cause greater anxiety and prevent enjoyment of the present.
Depressive symptoms may appear.
One of the reactions of being aware of approaching death is to give up and not enjoy the life that remains, both one’s own and that of the person who is going to die.
It hinders care, feeling that there is nothing more to do and the patient is deprived of care and emotional support, wanting the end to come as soon as possible.
There is a risk of patient abandonment.
How to face anticipated grief?
It is essential to understand that grief, whether anticipated or not, is a healthy and normal process. when you lose someone or something. Although in this particular case we are talking about grief caused by the death of a loved one, what should be clear to us is that the negative emotions experienced are not pathological, but rather are the totally healthy reaction of one feeling that they have lost something. Grief is felt when one feels that he has lost something, that his life has changed so much that he needs to adapt to his new reality.
In the case of anticipatory grief, this is a normal reaction, although it can interfere with our daily well-being. As we have mentioned before, getting used to the idea of the death of a loved one can help us take advantage of the time left and resolve any conflict, argument or bad memory we had with him or her, ensuring that everything before he or she leaves this world. what remained pending to be solved be solved once and for all.
The pain caused by anticipatory grief is inevitable, and it is better to suffer it now than after the death of that loved one. The mind needs to prepare for loss and Grief is a process of adaptation, an opportunity to manage what happens. If this is done before the final event occurs, which is nothing more than the death of that loved one, the pain after death will be more bearable, brief, and there will be less chance of it leaving emotional consequences.
However, it should be said that although one should not try to evade the pain associated with anticipatory grief, this does not mean that one should sit back and let things happen. There are a series of strategies that can be carried out to make this period less intense and traumatic.that emotions are managed more appropriately and that it degenerates into depression.
You must find a way to not keep all the pain to yourself. Sharing it with other family members and other loved ones of the sick person can help them get through this difficult time better. Revealing our emotions, worries, feelings and thoughts can help us see that other loved ones also have them and will help us receive and give support.
Although these are hard times, we must not give up or abandon ourselves. Our physical and psychological health are aspects that must be taken care of, especially during this period.. You have to get enough sleep, exercise frequently, eat properly and socialize with friends. We should not feel guilty for enjoying and taking advantage of our lives while our loved one is dying. The disease is what is taking it, not us.
In the event that anticipatory grief is caused by the disappearance of a loved one, it is essential to go to a psychologist. Cases of disappearances and serious accidents where the body of the loved one has not yet been found are very delicate and traumatic situations. In these cases it is essential to receive specialized psychological help in this type of situation.
The fundamental thing above all, and in case it is a sick person who will soon no longer be with us, is to spend time with him. If there is something that needs to be forgiven or apologized for, now is the best time to do it. It is also the ideal time to say how much we love her, how much we value her and remember happy moments together.
