Being invisible to society and at the same time having its recognition are two phenomena more closely linked to each other than we believe. One of our biggest nightmares is being disowned as an outcast by the people around us. Being invisible or not being invisible, being ignored among our peers, can be decisive in life, with significant consequences for our way of being.
From Psychology and Mind We explain the causes of this reality that many people suffer, and we will try to point out some solutions.
I’m sitting at a table in a bar, enjoying a good beer while listening to strange conversations between customers. In Spain. If you want to find out something, go straight to a bar, possibly because of that unhealthy habit of raising your voice you always end up finding out everything even if you don’t want to.
I set my sights on a boy who has chosen a secluded nook to engross himself in his reading hobby. The waiter has already served three tables whose diners subsequently came to him. The boy looks at the waiter impatiently but he doesn’t see him, he looks like a ghost However, a middle-aged man enters the establishment and everyone becomes aware of his presence, they turn to look at him, he is a well-known customer, one of those lifelong customers.
The waiter knows exactly what this man is going to have for breakfast and rushes to serve him amidst effusive conversations. The boy looks more and more irritated , not only because he feels ignored but also because of the histrionic joy between the customer and the waiter. Finally, he ends up yelling at the waiter and leaves with a frown.
This event made me reflect that, in a society as visual as the Western one, everything is easily digestible slogans.. We have the vital obligation to portray absolutely everything and a photo is always easy to digest (as the saying goes, a photo is worth a thousand words).
We have developed the need to always appear in the photo, and when this does not happen the world falls on us. It would be appropriate then to ask yourself the following questions; What do we want to see in each image? How do we want to be seen or remembered? And last but not least: What do we really see in a photo?
This mystery has an answer: the information deposited in our brain, that is, all the data that we have introduced into the mind, including the psychic dynamics transformed into habit and that forms the compendium of concepts that we have regarding our own being, society and the world. environment that surrounds us. Definitely, categorized information that has also been nourished by family, cultural and social idiosyncrasy
From this point we have structured our psyche in a complex system that obeys the schemes that have been mechanized like a gear in the deepest unconscious. When someone looks at us, they do so not through their eyes but through their mind, and they see (or rather interpret) what they have experienced.
Solitude versus company
In the concept we have of ourselves (the self-concept) both the drive to be absent and the inclination to be present coexist. In certain areas of our life we ​​would like to have wide recognition while in others we need to disappear from the face of the Earth, to be completely invisible.
Alternate between that need to have recognition with the need to not attract attention It is something totally normal and logical, since throughout our lives we go through different contexts, both personal and social. The problem occurs when one becomes unhealthyly obsessed with a single need, since the person who suffers from it is applying the same schemes and rules to totally different situations, thus generating a feeling of frustration.
That is when the psyche needs to create a new perspective of the world and of itself.
“The worst sin towards our fellow men is not to hate them, but to treat them with indifference; this is the essence of humanity”
-Shakespeare
The fear of not having emotional ties
Our greatest fear is being despised, ignored or ignored Relationships are more productive when they are stable, when emotional bonds are created that offer the subject long-term protection (since we are still social animals). The point is the empirical experiences we live determine and condition different affective styles.
When certain emotional styles deviate from the norm, society usually rejects the members who possess them, since they do not comply with previously established social canons. In the same way that many recognitions are unfair, disproportionate or exaggerated, a large percentage of social exclusion is also unfair. Many times we boast about our justice, but we always end up making certain groups invisible, that is the evil of our century. In us, we are more afraid of not standing out than doing it, even if this has a negative effect.
“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
-Oscar Wilde
Between reality and appearances
Not being visible is due to social adaptation problems, like the guy at the bar who only stood out when he yelled at the waiter. But I’m sure the boy’s anger didn’t sit well with him. It did not occur to him to make himself noticed through dialogue and assertiveness.
Nevertheless, These situations are also due to certain illusions and expectations ; They do great feats or try to attract attention in order to receive rose petals and applause accompanied by the beating of drums, but this is still mere self-deception since we are not recognized for what we are but for what we appear to be.
The reductionism of the senses
Many emperors, generals and leaders of ancient times feared not being remembered, and that fear hides an even greater fear; the fear of being ignored. Do we exist if no one sees us? Of course yes, it would be enough for everyone to accept themselves with all the virtues and defects, but to do this we must enhance, as senders and receivers, all the senses, perhaps in this way we will not give so much importance to the image.
But sooner or later the gaze of others arrives; It can be a positive or negative judgment. Or much worse: we can see ourselves relegated to the half measures of indifference , that gray color that smells of mediocrity and in which we do not want to suffocate. It is precisely in the worst moments, right at that moment, when it is demonstrated whether we are capable of loving ourselves or not.
In conclusion, It is about doing an introspective analysis and much more , we could start by including the sense of hearing in a totally visual world. The problem does not lie in not being seen, but in not being heard and not knowing how to listen, among others. We need to tune our ears more and our eyesight less! We need to stimulate all the senses!
